Last night I'm driving home after collecting the wife at her office and having had a great chat with my girl, Notthe7. We are pulling over Hollywood Hill and my aunt is calling me. We do the typical "how's the fam, etc." and then she tells me why she is calling.
"Stevie is looking for you. He found me through the Delta directory and wanted to know if he could have your number?"
Wow! Stevie. I hadn't spoken to him since he lost his executive job in the Worldcomm fallout. Why is he calling me now after all these years of "being lost"?
"Absolutely, you can give him my number."
My wife is next to me in the car and asks what my aunt wanted. When I told her she was floored. She knew how close we were through thick and thin and that he seemingly disappeared overnight after his second divorce and layoff from Worldcomm. She asked how he located my aunt and I told her that my aunt and my mother were both Deltas and he found her in his mother's directory. Now anyone who knows anything about the Delta sorority knows that you could get out of the Mob easier than you can the Deltas. We arrived home and my 15 year old meets us in the driveway with the cordless phone.
"Some guy named Stevie is on the phone for you."
I take the phone and my wife and son head into the house. I take the long way into the house winding around to the back of the house and coming in through the back way and disappear into the bedroom with the phone. We started with the typical small talk of catching up and how our families are and the like and then I ask the question, "So where have you been? We couldn't find you for a long time." The rest of the conversation was a shock.
Shortly after we had spoken years ago, Stevie had a complete mental breakdown. He felt like a failure because he had lost his job, his wife, and just about everything. I told him I could understand that as I had done about the same thing when the high tech bubble burst. Then he said he had been in the psych ward for a while and also went to rehab for alcohol addiction. This was a shock as he was never a big drinker and pretty emotionally stable. He continues on about his "path back to normal" and then he says it and the conversarion goes off to a path I could not have seen coming:
"I'm sorry man."
"Sorry for what Stevie?"
"Sorry for lying to you all these years and knowing I was part of Kay's death."
I almost dropped the phone. Kay (alias name of course) was my high school love that died of AIDS while living with me in my early 20s. She had contracted the disease by having a one nighter with a guy who ran with Stevie and I in high school. I never spoke to this person again and in fact to date, is the only person that I can say I truly despise. Naturally my next question was how were you part of her death? He paused for a long moment. I think he was smoking and took a long drag to get up the courage to continue his confession.
Stevie tells me he was in Chicago the night she had her one night stand. He and Kay went to dinner and she was having nervous jitters about coming to Kansas City in the coming two weeks for a formal engagement party. She was thinking about breaking it off and Stevie told her she shouldn't and was trying to put her mind at ease. The idiot who gave her AIDS showed up invited by Stevie. They went drinking and after they had gotten drunk, ended up at Stevie's hotel. They were teasng her about still being a virgin. She told them that she and I were going to wait for marriage. Stevie lied to her and told her I was not a virgin. The other idiot went along with it. She was furious at the thought I had lied to her, which I hadn't. To exact revenge, she had sex with both of them. Back then, Stevie thought her just giving him a blowjob wasn't really "sex", but the other one, he did everything and more with Kay.
I'm choking back tears of anger and confusion at this point. And I say Kay never told me this about you. He said he knew. Before she called me to see if I would take her in when she got AIDS, they talked and both felt guilty about what they had done, but thought it best to keep his involvement out of it. I then asked him why he felt he had to tell this now? It was part of his path of recovery.
He knew how I became a very viscious individual after Kay died. I had relationships solely for sex. Money was my only interest and the two women who changed that for even a second had pretty much turned their back on me so I continued on my hateful path until my wife came along and then I realized how wrong I was living my life. He had heard about my recent successes through the old school grapevine. Heard I was on the board of the church, had children, and had become a pretty big part of the community here. He knew he couldn't keep it in and he wanted his old friend back honestly and not deceitfully. Basically he was banking on my new found peacefulness and love.
Love was not what I felt. Sheer rage is what I felt and then it hit me. How can I be that angry, we were 18 and foolish. We were kids. We didn't get it back then. Rage was dissipating to hurt and upset. Stevie was choked up on the other end of the line waiting to hear what I had to say. I told him that after all this time, maybe it is best let go of. The pain of Kay's death, the people I blamed, all of it. As we ended our phone call, we promised to keep in touch.
I opened the door and walked down the hall towards the front of the house. I heard my wife saying "Who's that guy?" My little girl turned and lit up with a smile and ran up to grab for daddy. I picked her up and just stood there holding her for a while and just letting her love rush over me. My wife walked up and asked was I OK? I told her that for the first time in years, I think I am OK. I kissed her and told her I was a truly lucky man to have her.
For the first time in 20 years, I went to bed without the anger of Kay's life and death on my mind. It felt wonderful.
"Stevie is looking for you. He found me through the Delta directory and wanted to know if he could have your number?"
Wow! Stevie. I hadn't spoken to him since he lost his executive job in the Worldcomm fallout. Why is he calling me now after all these years of "being lost"?
"Absolutely, you can give him my number."
My wife is next to me in the car and asks what my aunt wanted. When I told her she was floored. She knew how close we were through thick and thin and that he seemingly disappeared overnight after his second divorce and layoff from Worldcomm. She asked how he located my aunt and I told her that my aunt and my mother were both Deltas and he found her in his mother's directory. Now anyone who knows anything about the Delta sorority knows that you could get out of the Mob easier than you can the Deltas. We arrived home and my 15 year old meets us in the driveway with the cordless phone.
"Some guy named Stevie is on the phone for you."
I take the phone and my wife and son head into the house. I take the long way into the house winding around to the back of the house and coming in through the back way and disappear into the bedroom with the phone. We started with the typical small talk of catching up and how our families are and the like and then I ask the question, "So where have you been? We couldn't find you for a long time." The rest of the conversation was a shock.
Shortly after we had spoken years ago, Stevie had a complete mental breakdown. He felt like a failure because he had lost his job, his wife, and just about everything. I told him I could understand that as I had done about the same thing when the high tech bubble burst. Then he said he had been in the psych ward for a while and also went to rehab for alcohol addiction. This was a shock as he was never a big drinker and pretty emotionally stable. He continues on about his "path back to normal" and then he says it and the conversarion goes off to a path I could not have seen coming:
"I'm sorry man."
"Sorry for what Stevie?"
"Sorry for lying to you all these years and knowing I was part of Kay's death."
I almost dropped the phone. Kay (alias name of course) was my high school love that died of AIDS while living with me in my early 20s. She had contracted the disease by having a one nighter with a guy who ran with Stevie and I in high school. I never spoke to this person again and in fact to date, is the only person that I can say I truly despise. Naturally my next question was how were you part of her death? He paused for a long moment. I think he was smoking and took a long drag to get up the courage to continue his confession.
Stevie tells me he was in Chicago the night she had her one night stand. He and Kay went to dinner and she was having nervous jitters about coming to Kansas City in the coming two weeks for a formal engagement party. She was thinking about breaking it off and Stevie told her she shouldn't and was trying to put her mind at ease. The idiot who gave her AIDS showed up invited by Stevie. They went drinking and after they had gotten drunk, ended up at Stevie's hotel. They were teasng her about still being a virgin. She told them that she and I were going to wait for marriage. Stevie lied to her and told her I was not a virgin. The other idiot went along with it. She was furious at the thought I had lied to her, which I hadn't. To exact revenge, she had sex with both of them. Back then, Stevie thought her just giving him a blowjob wasn't really "sex", but the other one, he did everything and more with Kay.
I'm choking back tears of anger and confusion at this point. And I say Kay never told me this about you. He said he knew. Before she called me to see if I would take her in when she got AIDS, they talked and both felt guilty about what they had done, but thought it best to keep his involvement out of it. I then asked him why he felt he had to tell this now? It was part of his path of recovery.
He knew how I became a very viscious individual after Kay died. I had relationships solely for sex. Money was my only interest and the two women who changed that for even a second had pretty much turned their back on me so I continued on my hateful path until my wife came along and then I realized how wrong I was living my life. He had heard about my recent successes through the old school grapevine. Heard I was on the board of the church, had children, and had become a pretty big part of the community here. He knew he couldn't keep it in and he wanted his old friend back honestly and not deceitfully. Basically he was banking on my new found peacefulness and love.
Love was not what I felt. Sheer rage is what I felt and then it hit me. How can I be that angry, we were 18 and foolish. We were kids. We didn't get it back then. Rage was dissipating to hurt and upset. Stevie was choked up on the other end of the line waiting to hear what I had to say. I told him that after all this time, maybe it is best let go of. The pain of Kay's death, the people I blamed, all of it. As we ended our phone call, we promised to keep in touch.
I opened the door and walked down the hall towards the front of the house. I heard my wife saying "Who's that guy?" My little girl turned and lit up with a smile and ran up to grab for daddy. I picked her up and just stood there holding her for a while and just letting her love rush over me. My wife walked up and asked was I OK? I told her that for the first time in years, I think I am OK. I kissed her and told her I was a truly lucky man to have her.
For the first time in 20 years, I went to bed without the anger of Kay's life and death on my mind. It felt wonderful.
