And by cowboys, I mean moderately sane, rational MEN, not boys, MEN.
I'd like to share an experience with the class today. It's called ... dating someone creepy.
For anonymity - we'll call him.. Chris. I met Chris on an online dating site. I was supposed to have a quiet dinner with him a few weeks ago, but those plans changed. My bff from college showed up in my town unexpectedly, and I just couldn't not see her. I called Chris up, explained the situation, told him he was more than welcome to come along, I didn't want to ditch him, but my bff showing up was completely random. He understood and toughed it out with a big crazy group of people when he was expecting a one on one kind of a deal.
i'm pretty grateful actually, that it was a group situation because I didn't feel like he and I clicked at all. With me, it's all or nothing. Either we click really fucking hard, or nada.
He asked me out again last week, I decided to take a second chance and see if maybe there could be some sparks.
The date was the antithesis of sparks. We went to a nice Italian place. Dinner was DELICIOUS and my favorite part of the date.
During dinner, he made an offhand comment about how his sister's friend was attacked in college... he followed it up with a "But she was dressed like a total prostitute."
...
Really? You're blaming her clothing for why she was attacked ?
I called him out on it - and he tried to deny and explain - but he said what he said, and he meant it. That threw me off.
Then, he insisted on going to see This Means War - total chick flick - that I had already seen. I told him I'd seen it already, I didn't mind watching it again, but I don't think he'd enjoy it. He insisted. Half way through the movie, he turns to me and says "I'll be right back, gotta piss like a race horse."
My heart swooned and I fell in love with him right there. NOT.
I don't give a shit if you have to piss like a race horse. You excuse yourself politely jack ass.
Then he's driving me home and I give him a hug good bye, and he goes "Just a hug??"
Yes. Just a hug. You creeper.
I texted him the next morning thanking him for dinner/movie, but I didn't think there was enough chemistry to keep dating.
He flipped. Started texting me, calling me.
"Really?! Why? I would love to keep seeing you. At least elaborate, how can you even know after 2 dates"
I can know after one.
"That message was pretty weak. Just thought you should know.
And thanks for not picking up the phone, too.
Childish even."
My reply:
Look,
I don't feel like I owe you any further of an explanation. If I don't feel like there's anything there - you can't make me feel more. Twice is plenty enough for me to gauge my feelings for someone. Your comment about your sister's friend ... "But she was dressed like a prostitute " offended the shit out of me. The whole "Just a hug thing" wasn't that cool either. I didn't pick up the phone because I don't want to talk about it. I don't feel like there's anything left to talk about.
His reply:
If you get very offended by these things then it is probably best that we don't see each other. Now, I'm easy going and try to explain myself clearly but if I try to explain something by saying "she was dressed like a prostitute" just to make a point in a conversation about crime in a city and you get offended by it, then yeah you would be someone I would not like to date. I had fun with you too but you must understand that all I was trying to do was explain something. Even my sister said you don't dress like that in that part of Boston at that time of day. People gotta be smart. Even when a man dresses a certain way he sends signals. I am very surprised at how easily offended you are. This may be why you have trouble dating people.
But, good luck to you in the future. You may one day find someone who is nice, smart, and good looking, but don't take everything so seriously all the time.
Regards,
Chris
~~~
Later that night, I get a text from him AGAIN, this time saying "Nice knowing you, deleting your number"
Ok, thanks. I don't give a shit.
Why do I always end up feeling like I'm the crazy one?? Clearly, he is. Right?
I wouldn't want to date anyone who takes the issue of rape and blaming like that so lightly. I don't think I was being overly sensitive. I think it's really difficult to offend me. I've heard it all. But issues like that boil down to a man's perspective of a woman. And clearly, he thinks she was asking for it.
Thoughts?
I'd like to share an experience with the class today. It's called ... dating someone creepy.
For anonymity - we'll call him.. Chris. I met Chris on an online dating site. I was supposed to have a quiet dinner with him a few weeks ago, but those plans changed. My bff from college showed up in my town unexpectedly, and I just couldn't not see her. I called Chris up, explained the situation, told him he was more than welcome to come along, I didn't want to ditch him, but my bff showing up was completely random. He understood and toughed it out with a big crazy group of people when he was expecting a one on one kind of a deal.
i'm pretty grateful actually, that it was a group situation because I didn't feel like he and I clicked at all. With me, it's all or nothing. Either we click really fucking hard, or nada.
He asked me out again last week, I decided to take a second chance and see if maybe there could be some sparks.
The date was the antithesis of sparks. We went to a nice Italian place. Dinner was DELICIOUS and my favorite part of the date.
During dinner, he made an offhand comment about how his sister's friend was attacked in college... he followed it up with a "But she was dressed like a total prostitute."
...
Really? You're blaming her clothing for why she was attacked ?
I called him out on it - and he tried to deny and explain - but he said what he said, and he meant it. That threw me off.
Then, he insisted on going to see This Means War - total chick flick - that I had already seen. I told him I'd seen it already, I didn't mind watching it again, but I don't think he'd enjoy it. He insisted. Half way through the movie, he turns to me and says "I'll be right back, gotta piss like a race horse."
My heart swooned and I fell in love with him right there. NOT.
I don't give a shit if you have to piss like a race horse. You excuse yourself politely jack ass.
Then he's driving me home and I give him a hug good bye, and he goes "Just a hug??"
Yes. Just a hug. You creeper.
I texted him the next morning thanking him for dinner/movie, but I didn't think there was enough chemistry to keep dating.
He flipped. Started texting me, calling me.
"Really?! Why? I would love to keep seeing you. At least elaborate, how can you even know after 2 dates"
I can know after one.
"That message was pretty weak. Just thought you should know.
And thanks for not picking up the phone, too.
Childish even."
My reply:
Look,
I don't feel like I owe you any further of an explanation. If I don't feel like there's anything there - you can't make me feel more. Twice is plenty enough for me to gauge my feelings for someone. Your comment about your sister's friend ... "But she was dressed like a prostitute " offended the shit out of me. The whole "Just a hug thing" wasn't that cool either. I didn't pick up the phone because I don't want to talk about it. I don't feel like there's anything left to talk about.
His reply:
If you get very offended by these things then it is probably best that we don't see each other. Now, I'm easy going and try to explain myself clearly but if I try to explain something by saying "she was dressed like a prostitute" just to make a point in a conversation about crime in a city and you get offended by it, then yeah you would be someone I would not like to date. I had fun with you too but you must understand that all I was trying to do was explain something. Even my sister said you don't dress like that in that part of Boston at that time of day. People gotta be smart. Even when a man dresses a certain way he sends signals. I am very surprised at how easily offended you are. This may be why you have trouble dating people.
But, good luck to you in the future. You may one day find someone who is nice, smart, and good looking, but don't take everything so seriously all the time.
Regards,
Chris
~~~
Later that night, I get a text from him AGAIN, this time saying "Nice knowing you, deleting your number"
Ok, thanks. I don't give a shit.
Why do I always end up feeling like I'm the crazy one?? Clearly, he is. Right?
I wouldn't want to date anyone who takes the issue of rape and blaming like that so lightly. I don't think I was being overly sensitive. I think it's really difficult to offend me. I've heard it all. But issues like that boil down to a man's perspective of a woman. And clearly, he thinks she was asking for it.
Thoughts?
