Because nothing makes it stop hurting...

There is an end to the pain L - I can't tell you how, or when - but there is. I promise.

If you really believe that anybody's affection is worth the irreplaceable value that is your life, get on with it. Try not to make too big a mess, and do it before you breed.

Aww Tink, don't listen to HickBoy he doesn't understand where you are right now.

Suicide Prevention
Suicide claims a million lives a year worldwide, most resulting from depression This lesson looks at how to plan for a crisis and what you can do to help others in a crisis.

In an Actual Crisis
All too often, a suicidal depression catches us alone and off-guard. Notwithstanding all we have to live for and all those who care for us, the brain in crisis has a perverse way of having us think the very opposite. To those of you who are in this state right now:

• Promise yourself another 24 hours.
• Now call a trusted friend or loved one or a crisis hotline. Remember, there is no shame in reaching out.
• Time is of the essence. Do not delay in seeking help.
• Be persistent. Do not be put off by the bad practices of some of the health system's gate keepers. You are there to get help and you are there to get it NOW.
• Take comfort in the fact that help is on the way. Your brain at the moment may not allow you to think hopeful thoughts. But it cannot keep out the knowledge that others are hoping on your behalf. This may be that precious one inch of life you can hold onto at the moment, the one that can eventually lead you to a tomorrow worth living.

I know you hate taking meds and aren't overly fond of therapists. I have a suggestion, it is not a cure. There is a book I want you to buy, it's called The Depression Workbook. I promise you it will help.

Brandon is a drug addict. As such he cannot be counted on, depended on, held accountable, or responsible for your happiness safety or even his own health and safety. You cannot change that.

They always tell us depressed people to have a strong support network. He can't be part of yours. No addict can be part of your support group because they can't be trusted to put your best interests first.

If you kill yourself, he will be sad and then he will get high or drunk. Brandon will consider it an inconvenience. If he is sober enough to make your funeral he will get high immediately after.

He will not stop drinking, drugging; and having unsafe sex with random men until he hits rock bottom or dies himself. There is NOTHING you or anybody else can say or do to stop this.

Brandon may always own a piece of your heart but he can't own your life.

Brandon stopped doing drugs and drinking. Not going against what you've said, just putting perspective on that my now sober friend can't even help me.

Think Kink,

Please don't do anything that will take you away from us. I don't really know you that well, but I do enjoy your posts and what you have to say. And LPSG would not be the same without you. You are witty and like a bright ray of sunshine. I can hardly believe that you are only 20 years old. You are so much more mature and clear thinking than I remembered being at that age. You have your whole life ahead of you and things may feel and look bleak, but I promise the way you feel now will change. My mind changed like a college student changing their majors.

Brandon is gay. There is not anything he can do about that. I am sure if there was a way he could change his sexual orientation he would.

You are a beautiful woman. All men want to fuck you. Gay men will fuck you too. You have a connection with gay men. And you have a perfect female body..... But people can't change their sexual orientation just because they had good sex or because they are attracted to or have feelings for someone. It just isn't meant to be. Brandon will always have a piece of your heart and he can always be a good friend. But you need to take him down off his pedistal.....put him in a corner for a while. Get out and date some goodlooking straight guys with big cocks.....that will fuck you silly and take your mind off of anything other than what they are doing to you. Or take up a new hobby....like a book club or cross stich. That is my advice.

P.S. I am glad to hear that Brandon has stopped doing drugs and drinking. I was worried about him.

WTF ! TK ? i came here a few months ago..i noticed your a very strong willed and controlling person. SUICIDE is not the FAWQING answer ! believe me ! i've done it for 25 years and i'm still here ! theres a reason your here ! i noticed you've mellowed out and it scares me cuz ive seen the real chat you in action...theres plenty gay or bi guys out there....give it time....i've always looked up your DOM personality....so take advice from yourself and Fawq him...yout the better person ! try to at least seek professional help ! You have a lot of ppl here that lov ya and care about you ! Chats falling apart slowly and wouldn't be the same with out you ! maybe ! ummmmmmmm...try praying for reals....believing in god or not....theres an answer and its not DEATH !

Brandon stopped doing drugs and drinking. Not going against what you've said, just putting perspective on that my now sober friend can't even help me.

Well then color me stupid or at the very least uninformed. :redface:

What I said still holds true. Brandon cannot be counted on, depended on, held accountable, or responsible for your happiness or safety. He's not being mean, he's being honest.

Brandon may always own a piece of your heart but he can't own your life.

oh yea ! TK ! even though i've never chatted with ya directly or in pm...don't hesitate to pm me .....even though some ppl think i'm an asshole! i am a good listener........the scars across my arms and throat...ummm..i think gives me experience in the matter..but i'm not bragging or proud of them...it just means !i've been there alot and have to cope with it daily...so give me a shot if you wanna chat...i'd like to be your friend

Brandon is gay, you know that he's unavailable to you in the way you want but despite your maturity you're still very young tink and part of growing up (I don't want to sound condescending but it's true) is coming to terms with who you are, normally you mix with people who have similar issues and you can all help one another through these and help each other gain understanding, but your main friend is someone who has more than his fair share of problems and doesn't have time to help you through yours. He's a gay man he can never be the man you need him to be. Your life will get better and easier, if you end it now you're free of pain but you're also missing out on the happiness you would have found in the future. Brandon can't be responsible for you, you can't be responsible for him, he has to find his own way and you have to find a way to stop fixating on gay men because gay men will only ever see sex with a woman as second best, as a stop gap. Hang in there tinklet, in a few years you'll be glad you didn't give up - and we'd miss you you daft cow

Tink love, if I can stand it then I know you can. Life is far from easy but I do know it gets better. Besides, do you really want to miss all the great times yet to come in Brandon's life? In your life? He'll need you a year from now, ten years, 40 years, and you'll need him. Don't deprive him nor yourself of what's to come. Like someone wise said to a friend, "there are no accidents." You're in each other's lives for a reason. Stick with it. You owe it to him and yourself.

TK, I have numerous times told you how much I like you and how much I learn. Please keep yourself well, I still have much to learn from you. Pain is temporary and you know this. Through your honest sharing of your life's events, you have possibly kept others from taking their own lives.

I know right now this seems the worst there is, but understand it isn't, and though we are online, we do care and love you as well.

Besides, I like being Lord Chamberlain to She Who Must Be Obeyed and Queen of all she surveys. :wink:

How ironic that such a staunch defender of free speech on the Internet should censor me. Ah, well. My mama says, "Hypocritical is as hypocritical does."

You can have your heart broken many times and it does feel like the end of the world.
Try some ice cream therapy and go for a run.
I promise it will help.
I used to cry on the cardio bike at the gym.

Can't you go to the movies with a friend?
Can you get a part time job doing something you like?

You can have your heart broken many times and it does feel like the end of the world.
Try some ice cream therapy and go for a run.
I promise it will help.
I used to cry on the cardio bike at the gym.

Can't you go to the movies with a friend?
Can you get a part time job doing something you like?

Click to expand...

You fucking make me laugh. Why don't you get a job seriously. I have enough of them, ice cream isn't good for you.. and it's not a broken heart thanks. Movies? people waste money on that shit...

part time job... hahaaaa fuck me, go away seriously.

Tinker, don't do anything that is undoable.
I was miserable at your age ... thought very frequently of suicide.
I was on antidepressants, thyroid pills, lithium for a time, and even had ECT. Now, it's hard to even remember that I was so unhappy. I mean this literally.
As you get older, all the dramas start to seem like variations on a theme and you don't buy into them as much.
I don't know how much of this has to do with biochemistry, but that can be regulated more and more exactly over time ... and the meds will improve.
Do things as impeccably as you can each day. That will really help your mood.
Keep truckin', honey. That's what you have to do.