So... my sons father is in prison (again). Not jail, prison. Not any real surprise, he's been in and out of there since I met him 12 years ago, but this time it's hardcore - 12 year sentence. Maybe they finally got tired of his shenanigans. On 09/13/2012, he was sentenced for four total charges. Possession of a firearm (he's a felon), Burglary in the 2nd degree, Theft less than $25,000 but over $500, and property damage. The burglary, theft, and property damage are all being served concurrently, a total of 6 years. If I remember correctly, he got something like 1.5 years for property damage, 3 for the theft, and 6 for the burglary. Thing, is the firearm sentence is to run consecutive, and it was also a 6 year sentence. So... 12 total years in prison.
Let me backtrack a little here. My son has never met his father. His father violated his parole and went back to prison 2 weeks after the one and only time we had sex, before I even knew I was pregnant. After finding out, I was able to track him down. We corresponded via mail and the occasional phone call for about 2 years. He was stoked about being a dad. Then suddenly, out of the blue, I get a summons from the State of Missouri demanding I be at this particular place at such and such time for a paternity test, and failure to appear could result in a warrant for my arrest. So of course I go. The results come back, he's the father (which I already knew). I have no idea why he wanted that done, but I figured it couldn't hurt. He got released from prison 2 years and 2 months after entering prison, two short months after he demanded a paternity test, and disappeared. I waited 15 months for him to come around, write, call, SOMETHING... then I filed for child support. We had an agreement that since he was going to be in my sons life, I wouldn't make him pay child support. I figured 15 months was sufficient time to contact me. Since I filed, our contact has been minimal and sporadic, as have been his payments. The only times I've received money from him was when they've docked his wages or kidnapped his income tax return checks. He owes me well over $30k in back child support, probably closer to $40k. I haven't had any correspondence with him in 5 years. I keep track of his whereabouts online. There are government websites you can use to look up a persons criminal history and pending/current cases. Every so often I'll check up on him to see how things are going. Back in September, I did just that and saw all these new charges. He started his sentence on 09/20/2012. Last week, I got the address to the prison he was in and wrote him a short but sweet letter, including some recent pictures of our son.
So now's the waiting game. I'm anxious to hear what he has to say in response, if he responds at all. Is he gonna hate me for the child support thing? Does he want to meet/know his son? I don't feel guilty for making him pay child support, never have... but my son wants to meet his father someday, and I would like it if he and I could stay on good terms. I've never said anything negative about him to my son, and he also has no idea that his dad has ever even been in jail. The times that the sperm donor and I have spoken since he "abandoned" us, have always been cordial and friendly. I consider him a friend. Just a very lost, confused friend. I worry about him. I'm not sure if 12 years in prison will fix or break him. Hopefully he gets his shit sorted in there. He has to want it, though.
I'm sort of thinking that if he and I can begin a regular correspondence and he seems sane, normal, and trustworthy enough, I might let him start writing letters to our son so they can develop some sort of relationship. My son is old enough now that I think he can sort of understand the situation.
Blah. Just stressing out. :/
Let me backtrack a little here. My son has never met his father. His father violated his parole and went back to prison 2 weeks after the one and only time we had sex, before I even knew I was pregnant. After finding out, I was able to track him down. We corresponded via mail and the occasional phone call for about 2 years. He was stoked about being a dad. Then suddenly, out of the blue, I get a summons from the State of Missouri demanding I be at this particular place at such and such time for a paternity test, and failure to appear could result in a warrant for my arrest. So of course I go. The results come back, he's the father (which I already knew). I have no idea why he wanted that done, but I figured it couldn't hurt. He got released from prison 2 years and 2 months after entering prison, two short months after he demanded a paternity test, and disappeared. I waited 15 months for him to come around, write, call, SOMETHING... then I filed for child support. We had an agreement that since he was going to be in my sons life, I wouldn't make him pay child support. I figured 15 months was sufficient time to contact me. Since I filed, our contact has been minimal and sporadic, as have been his payments. The only times I've received money from him was when they've docked his wages or kidnapped his income tax return checks. He owes me well over $30k in back child support, probably closer to $40k. I haven't had any correspondence with him in 5 years. I keep track of his whereabouts online. There are government websites you can use to look up a persons criminal history and pending/current cases. Every so often I'll check up on him to see how things are going. Back in September, I did just that and saw all these new charges. He started his sentence on 09/20/2012. Last week, I got the address to the prison he was in and wrote him a short but sweet letter, including some recent pictures of our son.
So now's the waiting game. I'm anxious to hear what he has to say in response, if he responds at all. Is he gonna hate me for the child support thing? Does he want to meet/know his son? I don't feel guilty for making him pay child support, never have... but my son wants to meet his father someday, and I would like it if he and I could stay on good terms. I've never said anything negative about him to my son, and he also has no idea that his dad has ever even been in jail. The times that the sperm donor and I have spoken since he "abandoned" us, have always been cordial and friendly. I consider him a friend. Just a very lost, confused friend. I worry about him. I'm not sure if 12 years in prison will fix or break him. Hopefully he gets his shit sorted in there. He has to want it, though.
I'm sort of thinking that if he and I can begin a regular correspondence and he seems sane, normal, and trustworthy enough, I might let him start writing letters to our son so they can develop some sort of relationship. My son is old enough now that I think he can sort of understand the situation.
Blah. Just stressing out. :/