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Being close with your family

Family is such a strange thing, see by all accounts my family are "normal" and stable. My parents are still together and they are decent good people. The thing is I'm just not close to them, and don't really desire to. I would say the main reason is because of my mom. I don't know when I realized it, sometime in high school but my mom has emotional problems. She panics a lot and goes through very severe mood swings. I love my dad but he is a total pussy when it comes to my mom. Not only does he not argue back at her but is actually afraid of her. He actually tried to tell me that's what happens when you get married. Now what makes it so hard is that my mom has this almost obsession with me. I was the center of her world when I was born. As I got older and went through adolescence and rejected my parents, she took it personally and tried to force me to spend time with her. I always resented it and well now I'm 24 and she still tries to force me to spend time with her and I really hate doing so. I guess it's because she's a depressed person, and has fibromyalgia, (though I wonder if it's psychological with her) and all she does it complain to me and sort of acts as if being around me will make it better. What really pisses me off is that my dad goes along with it and agrees with my mom, when in fact she needs help. She is starting to horde things, does really irratic behaviour and I have not felt comfortable around my mom in over 10 years. More like when I'm around her I have to deal with her, like serving a difficult client or customer. I always hear from them I don't call enough or visit or that I'm drifting aways from my family.

I moved FAR away and can hoensty say I'm happier for it. I get jealous sometimes when I see people who are close with their family. They can talk to their family like they are their friends, having regular intelligent conversations. Some people's parents, except for the age difference are people I could see being friends with. I can never do that with my family, and I wonder if me having so many issues with them will mean that their is a part of me missing or that I will have trouble connecting with someone on a deep level.

Comments

invisibleman
Parents aren't perfect people, buddy. My parents weren't perfect. But you know if it weren't for parents, we wouldn't exist.

I think that you should really have a heart-to-heart with your parents. You never know what will happen to you or to them.

Yeah, there are parents who get along with their children. And there are those that REALLY do not get along. That doesn't mean that it is the end of the world.

I used to think that my parents were idiotic...especially my pop. But I realized that my parents aren't perfect. Neither am I. But you have to look at your parents with differing eyes and with an empathetic skew.

You know that they act the way they do. You have to consider their histories. How they were brought up. Imagine if your kids all grew up to despise you..,and all they wanted was love from their kids. They created you. Loved you and took care of you (in their way) when you were a baby-to-kid-to-young adult.

There are people with a lot worse parents, you know. Parents that don't EVEN care about the safety and welfare of their kids.

I say look at your parents like God looks upon us all...like an empathetic observer. There are people living some wild and wicked lives out there in the world.

I hope that maybe you can have a heart-to-heart with your parents without being shitty and disrespectful to them. Your parents are going through life like you are.
If you cut them some slack, then they should do the same for you.
 
lokican
Well I can't argue that yes their are a lot of worse parents out there. I have tried to talking to my parents about this and it just doesn't seem to get me anywhere, my dad just doesn't answer me, he's a 100% WASP and will ignore anything he doesn't want to deal with, my mom on the other hand I tried to talk to her about her depression and she says that their is no hope for her etc, or that she's fine. But I appreciate your input
 
nicenycdick
There always comes a time in an adult's life when he/she realizes that their parents are not the all-knowing, perfect, wonderful, god-like creatures we believed them to be. I remember recognizing that in my early twenties with my parents...and I can see it happening to my own children. It is a part of growing-up, becoming your own person and establishing yourself as a truly independent person. It is normal, natural...and painful.

Hang on...you will love them again.
 
SpeedoGuy
If you felt the urge to move far away, there was a good reason for it whether consciously recognized it or not.

If you have fear about connecting with others due to childhood issues, there's probably a good reason for that as well. Good on ya for being cognizant of that possibility. Use that awareness to stay to stay on guard against the possibility of self-sabotage in future relationships. Repetition of childhood traumas is a potential risk.
 
invisibleman
"Well I can't argue that yes their are a lot of worse parents out there. I have tried to talking to my parents about this and it just doesn't seem to get me anywhere, my dad just doesn't answer me, he's a 100% WASP and will ignore anything he doesn't want to deal with, my mom on the other hand I tried to talk to her about her depression and she says that their is no hope for her etc, or that she's fine. But I appreciate your input."--lokican

This is what I was talking about...parents are their own individual peeps with faults. They aren't going to be perfect. They probably aren't going to change.

You don't have to like them if you don't. Somehow, there are other father figures...and mother figures to look up to. Adapt those qualities that you wanted from your parents when you were a child to your kids or to younger folks. If you don't like your birth parents' personalities, you can be your person.
With your own interests in the world.
 

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lokican
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