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You are sure gulliable and vulnerable aren't you? Stop it! It isn't any good for you! Tell you what, if a guy wants to fuck you, he will get you drunk first. Shit they do it to women all the time! Maybe you should quit drinking for a while till you can get your head on straight! Alcohol is a depressent and if you use it long enough you get depressed. It dosen't take a rocket scientist to figure that out! Damn it, take care of yourself now.

I promise you I am not gullible or vulnerable. Well, maybe vulnerable. But I'm twenty, and I've never done anything like this before. Every once in a while when I feel as if my life is stale or something, I might do something out of the norm for myself just to experience it. The worst that can happen is that you find out something new about yourself. In this scenario, I decided to trust someone I barely knew and it backfired so hard. And it makes me feel bad.

And as for guys who want to fuck you getting you drunk first, that definitely wasn't the case with the first situation. We've been drinking together since we were thirteen. This is just the first time this has happened. It was honestly, random.

But I can't pretend like these two things did not happen. And I just needed to put it out there somewhere. And now it can be buried. And I can grow past it.

Hi babe. Those two stories were important to you because of the way they made you feel afterward. Telling us here about them is a way of relieving yourself of the shame, guilt or regret while asking for some understanding at the same time. In my short time on this board I've found many people who I believe could offer you a great deal of understanding, seriously. Read more and take note of any good advice.

You are vulnerable because this was risk taking behaviour. You just wanted to see what would happen. You're 20 so you believe that you can handle the consequences, but now you realise what it's like to feel hurt. Just accept this as the risk you take when you open yourself up emotionally or physically to somebody else.

In the first story you chose to be intimate with somebody you knew very well. It didn't mean more than a natural response to proximity, availability and opportunity. The contact you shared was physical but not very sexual so don't sweat it. It didn't change your friendship because your friendship was more important than this small incident.

In the second story you were approached by someone you hardly knew who had an ulterior motive for helping you. You were open and vulnerable and he might have been wrong for taking advantage of your trust without offering the emotional support that you needed after sharing yourself with him.

Asshole guys do this all the time to both men and women. Clearly it was HIM who was in denial, not you. You were seeking a real connection, he wasn't, he just wanted to make a conquest and get outta town. I'm sorry that he hurt you, but learn from this and be strong.

DON'T shut down and refuse to trust another guy/friend. Instead make sure you know the person well enough to trust them first before you open up to them and share your intimate feelings and needs. If you are a poor judge of character, ask a girlfriend or a buddy if they think he is a good person. Get to know his other friends too. If you then choose to trust him, even if the sex doesn't work out you still have a friend and he won't dump you. If the sex is good, you might discover a new side to your personality that you can safely explore together with him. If you decide not to go with sex at all, you might just need his caring and closeness and candid conversation. This kind of quiet, intimate friendship can be hugely rewarding if you both take it slowly.

Be positive and know that if you love yourself, it doesn't matter what other people think. Be giving to others but don't take big risks that you can't recover from. Accept the possibility that you might find love, and that it is good.

Mx

I fully agree with NoH8.
And this is YOUR blog. A place where you can write out all that is on your mind and need to vent about. Keep writing, it's a great outlet.