my kinks and twisted desires

I guess a lot of my ‘kinks” or “fetishes” are pretty lightweight compared to what some of the people on here are into. I’m curious. I don’t judge. I’d love to expand my knowledge and experiences. I’ve never really experienced bdsm or anything like that, although there was a lady in Toronto that I used to chat with who freely described her love of being tied up, spanked, etc. She explained to me that there is a huge amount of trust involved and that this sort of trust is very “freeing”. A woman I met online and met for sex informed me that her Master was allowing her a vanilla guy a few times a month. A woman I talked to online and who wanted me to meet her for sex in Collingwood at Elvis Festival, (I passed due to prior commitments, regretfully as the topless picture she sent me was an attractive woman with full breasts and enormous nipples) later told me she had met a Master who had several “slaves” that attended to his needs. I guess in part I’m conflicted. I was brought up that you don’t hit women, so tying one up and spanking her seems odd to me, although I understand that it is not a violent act. Context is everything. Hypocritically to that, I find humiliation to be exciting. Or is humiliation a whole different thing? I’m not a fan of weak, needy women. I respect intelligence, independence and strength in a woman. But on the flip side, the idea of a woman on her knees begging me to cum on her face or piss on her is very exciting. Although I tend to treat women with respect. I’m not a macho asshole who feels the need to degrade someone to make himself feel superior. Oh, it’s all so confusing! I guess it’s all about consent, mutual pleasure. I also like the thought of having a woman piss on me, particularly on my cock. Although I regard myself as a very independent, fairly intelligent guy with no self-loathing issues. The mental image of being in the woods or a beach or field with a naked woman squatting over me, pissing on my cock while her fingers spread her pussy lips thrills me. At the book store, browsing the shelves. A bra-less teen in a loose top bending over in front of me, clear view of firm little tit, perfect brown nipple. Voyeurism is exciting. I love secret sexual stuff. Secret desires, fantasies and experiences that are not told to anyone, twisted thoughts that are not shared with even your closest friend. I think having a woman share those thoughts, desires, experiences with me is similar to the whole “trust’ concept of bdsm. I can see that revealing things that most people would be embarrassed to talk about would be freeing and involve a lot of trust. A woman once told me about her fantasy of masturbating in a car in a parking lot, being “discovered” by an innocent teenage boy and then seducing him, teaching him, deflowering him. She was about 40. A woman confided in me that she was turned on by the idea of getting fucked in dirt. Lactation fantasies, daddy/daughter fantasies, sex with beasts, incest, fake rape, the list of things that I have generously been told goes on and on. I find it so damn exciting and am honoured when women entrusts me with their deepest, darkest secrets and desires. Perhaps the idea of a strong, intelligent, self respecting woman enjoying being on her knees wanting to be pissed on or cum on is a way to connect with her secret side, freeing herself. Why should we feel trapped into only being the person we show to society in general? I once met a very rich, successful dude. He was an older gentleman and we had drinks on his huge boat, a boat with 4 or 5 very young, nubile bikini clad women sprawled about. I later learned that he enjoyed wearing diapers and being humiliated by women. I guess we all have our secret side. As we stood watching a concert later his hand crept over and started fondling my ass. By then I was too drunk on his premium tequila to give a shit or make a scene. It’s cliched but you really can’t tell a book by it’s cover. I find that very exciting. Does this make any sense at all or am I totally out to lunch, a silly newbie? It’s just stuff that intrigues me, thoughts, feelings, desires that would be interesting to explore. As always, your comments or questions are welcome.