Nothing special, some thoughts...

You found out one of the things that some people never seem to work out, that hanging on any naked site if you have self esteem issues isn't a good idea.
I don't know how many men fantasize about having sex with a prostitute, I'd think it was a very common fantasy.
Go for it with these women who want you, they want you they're not comparing you with anyone else.

I think the idea with the prostitute is that you feel free to ask her what you like, things you are (well, I mean "me") not able to ask to your partner like "I pay for it and I want it", a way to experience what we fantasize about.
Well, I was dating a girl for a short while, she was far more experienced than I was/am, we spoke different languages being from different countries but we both spoke a little english but there were misunderstoods so, at the end, she let me think she was a "nasty girs" and she tought that I was a playboy (common thought about me from many people) and this also because the people she worked for knew me since long and the woman she worked for knew about me and another girl bla bla bla and she too, the woman, liked me.
well, at the end I discovered that she knew little about sex even if being with at least 15 different boys and she discovered about me how shy I am, totally different from the playboy I was painted like.
she told me about her experiences and she told me about a "big one" she was with but she also told me that I was the second, along with one smaller than me, that made her climax because all the others didn't care about her.
this made me feel an inch above because I felt proud of that, it meant that I'm not so bad, but there always is somebody to whom, in comparison, you are below, and that only one above you is worth the other hundred below you as to make your self esteem fall into the deepest ocean...
we were dating a while and had sex some times (she couldn't more that once every three or four days, she got some problem down there), I never asked her about my sexual fantasies, she was pretty a newbie, she liked it doggy like I like too, from below but she was afraid to make it on top because that way she quitely climax and I was telling her hundred times that I didn't care but she didn't want to climax until I didn't do it because she wanted to please me and, I think, this is the background from her previous experiences in which if she didn't please her partner he would not have gone back to her the next time... a really sad story for a girl in her twenties and away from home to make money...
she admited several times that she liked it with me and that dimensions don't matter that much but I always felt the comparison with the big one she told me about, when I told it to her she told me that he just wanted to climax and didn't care about her and on top of that she said that it hurted her too...
so, I can here say that I like oral, both to receive and give but she clearly told me, without me to mention it, that she did it just once when she was a teen because forced and that she didn't like and that will never do it, ok, let's give up on it... I like also to give head (is it correct this way?) and she was reluctant too, I told her that I like it and slowly slowly, telling her to relax and enjoy it I was able to have her enjoy it but she definitely was not the girl I thought, like at beginning, that could be my mistress, my nasty teacher or the one I could fullfill my fantasies with, so, at the end, I'm still looking to experience this side of my personality.
as I wrote above I have girls who told to common friends they want to do it with me but I feel to un-secure about myself, and it is not just in the sexual sphere but nobody who knows me will tell you that about me as I look like a secure personality, I have good speech abilities, still looking "nice" bla bla bla so, this way, I'm afraid that I could be a delusion for somebody not meeting the requirements...

I am happy that it was you to read and answer my crazy thoughts Princess, i remember once in the chat with you, it was funny and you looked like a very smart personality.

apologize me for my poor english and for all the no sense that I'm writing but I need to put my thought somewhere as I have nobody to tell about...


thanks

dg

Actually your use of English is quite charming, there's another user on here - Giselle - who isn't a native speaker of English, you both manage to get your point across perfectly but in an unusual way that makes people who read it smile

Tell me, in which way my english is unusual, looking like too much "school" alike?

No it doesn't look school like, but you say things in a very descriptive way but in a way which a native English speaker wouldn't. For instance this made me feel an inch above this describes exactly how you feel but no one who was English would say it that way, it hurted her too, the past tense of hurt is hurt but to hear it that way makes it sound much more personal, as if you're putting your emotions into what you say. It's hard to explain really, but carry on

I agree with Princess... your English is very good.... the thing that shows your not native (nothing wrong with that!!) is how good your English is, when you speak a language naturally you use lots of short cuts.... colloquialisms etc.

You would notice it if I wrote or spoke to you in Italian... as my spanish friends do when I try to speak in Spanish!!

Oh, well Princess, if I know that my casual writing also causes a smile on your face I'll keep doing it.
For me this is a way to express my feelings and also to keep my "english" trained, I am an angry speech man, I love to talk and the girl I write about in the above post isn't a great looking girl, once we were walking through a rod in which she found a window that worked as a mirror, she stopped, watching at the window she asked me "you look so nice and I look so bad, what are you doing next to me?" and my answer was really simple "you hear me when I talk..."; that's really me! I love to have somebody to talk too, when I don't I then start to write and what all of the recipients of my long e-mails know is that I learned to type write at school so for me it's relatively easy to write pretty long sentences so, this way I have the advantage to express my feelings, who reads has the advantage, on the other side, to feel free to read or not but at least I feel like I expressed my moment feelings to somebody...
the risk in talking this much, as in writing this much, is to loose the path, personally I think is better to be able to express a concept in the less possible words or shortest sentence but when talking about futile things what is better than just to give breath to your vocal cords ;-) ?

I went to a psychologist a while ago, not for me but with a friend who asked to pretend to assist, the doctor asked me something and I kept talking for like 20 straight minutes and didn't let him to interrupt me, said enough...

dg