I've never understood the expectation that people have of sex workers.
The expectation that I mean is that people seem to think that because someone has accepted money for anything sex related that directly involves the sex worker, that it must follow that this person must feel obligated to perform any task expected of them by someone who offers to pay them money.
Where does this come from? Of course, just look at people out in the world - especially in the United States, but it's certainly not limited to the US - and you'll see people who get irate when Taco Bell won't sell them french fries or when Walmart won't give people a $1200 cash refund for a broken TV that was clearly blasted with a shotgun, is 35 years old, and still has a "Montgomery Wards" inventory sticker on the side of the console.
Furthermore, because sex work is still largely considered taboo, and is largely illegal, it exists in a space where people feel like that if they're going to allow themselves to even consider the fantasy of it, that they should be allowed to think that - rather than paying for a service that this person provides - that they're renting their body for a short time, but also that they kind of own this person in perpetuity, and are somehow empowered to demand that they agree to any demand given to them.
So like, if a person models for a softcore photo shoot where they show their nude bum, so many people just assume that the seal is broken, and if they can find this model who showed their bum for a single still photo, that they now have the right to plop $200 at their feet, insist that they cancel all their plans, and agree to let this person strangle them nearly to the point of death, beat them bruised and bloody, and be ready to do it again tomorrow.
Oh, tomorrow's your wedding? TOO BAD! YOU TOOK MONEY FROM A PHOTOGRAPHER WHO TOOK A PICTURE OF YOUR BUTT! I OWN YOU NOW! *Evil laugh*
Clearly, we have a lot of work to do in terms of getting people to have reasonable expectations when it comes to sex work.
But I'm not arguing against the fact that we need to legalize it like yesterday. But legalizing it needs to come complete with protections for the people who do it. People who abuse sex workers should be facing some serious penalties.
Think about it, if you own a small business that sells doughnuts, and somebody comes to you and says "Hey, I want 200 muffins for my birthday party."
Maybe you can fill that order, even though it's not what your business usually does, maybe you can't. You'll probably try to do it if it's even possible, right? But if people start coming to you all the time for your muffins, and you're like "hey, people! I'm glad you like my muffins! But look, my passion is doughnuts! I'm sorry, I'm not going to keep making muffins. There are plenty of other bakers in town who make muffins, okay?" sure, people might go 'aw, shucks,' but they'd have to concede that you're within your rights, right?
Especially if the process of making the muffins turned out to just not be scalable to your operation, and it was actually slowing you down, and you started having to work longer and harder for less profit. You weren't set up to keep making muffins, you started a doughnut business. Doughnuts is what you know, doughnuts is what you're passionate about, and doughnuts is what makes you money in a way that you can maintain.
That's not laziness. That's just business, and it's also just maintaining a work/life balance that's tenable for you personally.
And if your doughnut business is open from 6am to 5pm, people shouldn't come to your house at 1 in the morning beating on your door screaming "SELL ME A DOUGHNUT! I MADE YOU! IF YOU DON'T SELL ME A DOUGHNUT, YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN, YOU WORTHLESS TRAMP!"
So why is this a thing that people do to sex workers? Or at least, why is it an attitude that people have about sex workers.
"Oh, you sell your body!" No, they don't. They use their body to provide an experience, a service. You don't own a sex worker's body. You pay for the experience you get for the time that you're with them.
Yes, they objectify themselves - often, not always - but when they're off the clock, they're not doing that any more.
Sex workers should be allowed to have their own time and space with what they do with their lives and their bodies. Why is this such a foreign concept to people?
I have seen so many people on this site refer to models and porn stars in ways that suggest that they believe that these human beings are the property of the people who pay them, and that's not the deal.
These people provide a service that people value, and they pay for, and that's what they get. That's it.
Yes, sometimes people get sugar daddies and whatnot. But that's either 1. their personal choice or 2. a bad situation.
You can't own people, and nothing anyone does should be interpreted as a justification to force them to do something against their will.
Until we get more people to get this, all of us are going to be constantly fighting an uphill battle when it comes to sex positivity and sexual freedom.
Oh, and if you're into bondage fetishes, I shouldn't have to explain to you that you shouldn't feel threatened by this. Bondage still requires consent. Having a fetish does not give you the right to force them on other people.
I mean, if you're a bondage dom daddy, but an ASMR fetishist has a lot of money, and insists that you just sit next to them and gently wrinkle paper near their ear, and nothing else, does that mean they have the right to force you to do that - and only that, and only for them - for the rest of your life? Think about it.
The expectation that I mean is that people seem to think that because someone has accepted money for anything sex related that directly involves the sex worker, that it must follow that this person must feel obligated to perform any task expected of them by someone who offers to pay them money.
Where does this come from? Of course, just look at people out in the world - especially in the United States, but it's certainly not limited to the US - and you'll see people who get irate when Taco Bell won't sell them french fries or when Walmart won't give people a $1200 cash refund for a broken TV that was clearly blasted with a shotgun, is 35 years old, and still has a "Montgomery Wards" inventory sticker on the side of the console.
Furthermore, because sex work is still largely considered taboo, and is largely illegal, it exists in a space where people feel like that if they're going to allow themselves to even consider the fantasy of it, that they should be allowed to think that - rather than paying for a service that this person provides - that they're renting their body for a short time, but also that they kind of own this person in perpetuity, and are somehow empowered to demand that they agree to any demand given to them.
So like, if a person models for a softcore photo shoot where they show their nude bum, so many people just assume that the seal is broken, and if they can find this model who showed their bum for a single still photo, that they now have the right to plop $200 at their feet, insist that they cancel all their plans, and agree to let this person strangle them nearly to the point of death, beat them bruised and bloody, and be ready to do it again tomorrow.
Oh, tomorrow's your wedding? TOO BAD! YOU TOOK MONEY FROM A PHOTOGRAPHER WHO TOOK A PICTURE OF YOUR BUTT! I OWN YOU NOW! *Evil laugh*
Clearly, we have a lot of work to do in terms of getting people to have reasonable expectations when it comes to sex work.
But I'm not arguing against the fact that we need to legalize it like yesterday. But legalizing it needs to come complete with protections for the people who do it. People who abuse sex workers should be facing some serious penalties.
Think about it, if you own a small business that sells doughnuts, and somebody comes to you and says "Hey, I want 200 muffins for my birthday party."
Maybe you can fill that order, even though it's not what your business usually does, maybe you can't. You'll probably try to do it if it's even possible, right? But if people start coming to you all the time for your muffins, and you're like "hey, people! I'm glad you like my muffins! But look, my passion is doughnuts! I'm sorry, I'm not going to keep making muffins. There are plenty of other bakers in town who make muffins, okay?" sure, people might go 'aw, shucks,' but they'd have to concede that you're within your rights, right?
Especially if the process of making the muffins turned out to just not be scalable to your operation, and it was actually slowing you down, and you started having to work longer and harder for less profit. You weren't set up to keep making muffins, you started a doughnut business. Doughnuts is what you know, doughnuts is what you're passionate about, and doughnuts is what makes you money in a way that you can maintain.
That's not laziness. That's just business, and it's also just maintaining a work/life balance that's tenable for you personally.
And if your doughnut business is open from 6am to 5pm, people shouldn't come to your house at 1 in the morning beating on your door screaming "SELL ME A DOUGHNUT! I MADE YOU! IF YOU DON'T SELL ME A DOUGHNUT, YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN, YOU WORTHLESS TRAMP!"
So why is this a thing that people do to sex workers? Or at least, why is it an attitude that people have about sex workers.
"Oh, you sell your body!" No, they don't. They use their body to provide an experience, a service. You don't own a sex worker's body. You pay for the experience you get for the time that you're with them.
Yes, they objectify themselves - often, not always - but when they're off the clock, they're not doing that any more.
Sex workers should be allowed to have their own time and space with what they do with their lives and their bodies. Why is this such a foreign concept to people?
I have seen so many people on this site refer to models and porn stars in ways that suggest that they believe that these human beings are the property of the people who pay them, and that's not the deal.
These people provide a service that people value, and they pay for, and that's what they get. That's it.
Yes, sometimes people get sugar daddies and whatnot. But that's either 1. their personal choice or 2. a bad situation.
You can't own people, and nothing anyone does should be interpreted as a justification to force them to do something against their will.
Until we get more people to get this, all of us are going to be constantly fighting an uphill battle when it comes to sex positivity and sexual freedom.
Oh, and if you're into bondage fetishes, I shouldn't have to explain to you that you shouldn't feel threatened by this. Bondage still requires consent. Having a fetish does not give you the right to force them on other people.
I mean, if you're a bondage dom daddy, but an ASMR fetishist has a lot of money, and insists that you just sit next to them and gently wrinkle paper near their ear, and nothing else, does that mean they have the right to force you to do that - and only that, and only for them - for the rest of your life? Think about it.
