LAWYER JOKES
Jokes, Courtesy of the Maxim Mobile Website. *Hope you get a good laugh or two from these funny jokes. *Write to me and tell me which one is your favorite! **
*****
A couple takes their young son to the circus. When his father goes to buy popcorn, the boy asks, "Mom, what’s that long thing on the elephant?"
"That’s the elephant’s trunk, dear," she replies.
"No, Mom. Down underneath."
His mother blushes and says, "Oh, that’s nothing."
The father returns and the mother goes off to get a soda. As soon as she leaves, the boy repeats his question.
"That’s the elephant’s trunk, son."
"Dad, I know what an elephant’s trunk is. The thing down there."
The father says, "Oh, that’s the elephant’s penis."
"Dad," the son asks, "how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man takes a deep breath and explains, "Well son, here's the truth. *I’ve really spoiled that woman."
------*
Sam has been an attorney 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there stands a big, bearded Vermonter.“Names Enoch, your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday, thought you’d like to come.”
“Great,” says Sam, “after six months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As Enoch is leaving he stops, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin'.”
“Not a problem. After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. “More’n likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”
Damn, Sam thinks…tough crowd. “Well, I get along well with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again Enoch turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”
“Now that’s not a problem”, says Sam. “Remember, I’ve been alone for six months. By the way, what should I wear?
Enoch opens the door and is halfway out before answering, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”
-----
A very successful lawyer parks his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he gets out, a truck passes too closely and completely rips off the door on the driver's side.
The lawyer immediately grabs his cell phone, dials 911, and within minutes a policeman pulls up. Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically that his Lexus, which he had just bought the day before, is now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally calms down a bit, the officer shakes his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he says. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asks the lawyer.
The cop replies, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My God!" screams the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?!"
---------*
Two lawyers are leaving the office. “I can’t wait to get home,” says one of them. “As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.”
“I know the feeling,” the other says.
“No, I’m serious,” says the first. “They’re killing me.”:smile:
******
Laughter really is the best medine! *Have a funny "Lawyer" joke you'd like to share here on my blog? *Please add by commenting below, and have a funny day! *
See more fun jokes, provocative thoughts, comments and questions, plus scintillating tidbits in my LPSG blog here: *
http://www.lpsg.org/blogs/flowerchick/
Jokes, Courtesy of the Maxim Mobile Website. *Hope you get a good laugh or two from these funny jokes. *Write to me and tell me which one is your favorite! **
*****
A couple takes their young son to the circus. When his father goes to buy popcorn, the boy asks, "Mom, what’s that long thing on the elephant?"
"That’s the elephant’s trunk, dear," she replies.
"No, Mom. Down underneath."
His mother blushes and says, "Oh, that’s nothing."
The father returns and the mother goes off to get a soda. As soon as she leaves, the boy repeats his question.
"That’s the elephant’s trunk, son."
"Dad, I know what an elephant’s trunk is. The thing down there."
The father says, "Oh, that’s the elephant’s penis."
"Dad," the son asks, "how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man takes a deep breath and explains, "Well son, here's the truth. *I’ve really spoiled that woman."
------*
Sam has been an attorney 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there stands a big, bearded Vermonter.“Names Enoch, your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday, thought you’d like to come.”
“Great,” says Sam, “after six months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As Enoch is leaving he stops, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin'.”
“Not a problem. After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. “More’n likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”
Damn, Sam thinks…tough crowd. “Well, I get along well with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again Enoch turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”
“Now that’s not a problem”, says Sam. “Remember, I’ve been alone for six months. By the way, what should I wear?
Enoch opens the door and is halfway out before answering, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”
-----
A very successful lawyer parks his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he gets out, a truck passes too closely and completely rips off the door on the driver's side.
The lawyer immediately grabs his cell phone, dials 911, and within minutes a policeman pulls up. Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically that his Lexus, which he had just bought the day before, is now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally calms down a bit, the officer shakes his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he says. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asks the lawyer.
The cop replies, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My God!" screams the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?!"
---------*
Two lawyers are leaving the office. “I can’t wait to get home,” says one of them. “As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.”
“I know the feeling,” the other says.
“No, I’m serious,” says the first. “They’re killing me.”:smile:
******
Laughter really is the best medine! *Have a funny "Lawyer" joke you'd like to share here on my blog? *Please add by commenting below, and have a funny day! *
See more fun jokes, provocative thoughts, comments and questions, plus scintillating tidbits in my LPSG blog here: *
http://www.lpsg.org/blogs/flowerchick/
