“Gay”, but not wanting to interact with a penis. How to reconcile?

[GetNakedIGotAPlan]

Want to keep this brief…

A few days ago I had the most perfect sex. It was a twinkish guy with a fit build, we hooked up twice before, but this time I had zero interaction with his penis. I had sucked it and jerked it the two times we hooked up. But after our meeting I came to this really strange conclusion I felt a lot better about myself and the sex not having interacted with his penis.

I’ve given head and bottomed numerous times, I can’t say any of those times the sex was as good as this experience, and any time I did that it was mostly, I feel like, I was convincing myself I’m having sex with a hot guy, so it’s a fair trade off. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but this is the mindset I was in previously. I genuinely cannot stand to perform oral sex on a man’s penis or be the bottom at the end of the day.

Seeing an actual penis on an attractive guy is hot to me, or seeing him jerk off, but in sex a penis doesn’t repulse me but I would be completely fine without acknowledging it. I think the idea of seeing a guy masturbate is hot to me. Sometimes I like to think he is masturbating to the thought of getting fucked by me. In fact the guy I hooked up with kept calling his hole a “pussy” which gave me a huge boner. I think I would’ve actually preferred he had a real vagina than a penis. But I didn’t want him to be a woman. Recently on LPSG I’ve noticed I’m in the minority of people who isn’t a “size queen” (prefer large penis)

So, does anyone else have this certain case, if so what advancements did you make in your life sexually? I feel very frustrated in numerous ways. I’m starting to think I’m actually more of a heterosexual than homosexual because, men have penises, and the only thing that makes men sexual is his penis, which I’m not getting sexual pleasure out of. I’m thinking about finding a ciswoman to hook up with but man does that sound difficult… I want to see what being with a trans woman and man is like, because I think that is what I’m going for, but I don’t know. gay men are so much more promiscuous. any comments or ideas would be very much appreciated thank you

 

[Wine0]

Can’t really offer advice, but can share my experience.

When I first came out, I thought that the idea of anything anal was abhorrent and I didn’t want to do anything either way. I was for 10 years an ‘oral-only gay’.

One night, a switch came on in my head, and I thought - yep gotta try topping. Did that for a while and then thought I’d try bottoming (and I loved it!).

These days I’m vers for the right guy.

All I’m trying to say is don’t worry about it too much and just go with the flow of the encounter. Today you’re not into penises, but next week you might feel completely different and want to be gang banged by a football team, lol !

Just enjoy yourself x

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Want to keep this brief…

A few days ago I had the most perfect sex. It was a twinkish guy with a fit build, we hooked up twice before, but this time I had zero interaction with his penis. I had sucked it and jerked it the two times we hooked up. But after our meeting I came to this really strange conclusion I felt a lot better about myself and the sex not having interacted with his penis.

I’ve given head and bottomed numerous times, I can’t say any of those times the sex was as good as this experience, and any time I did that it was mostly, I feel like, I was convincing myself I’m having sex with a hot guy, so it’s a fair trade off. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but this is the mindset I was in previously. I genuinely cannot stand to perform oral sex on a man’s penis or be the bottom at the end of the day.

Seeing an actual penis on an attractive guy is hot to me, or seeing him jerk off, but in sex a penis doesn’t repulse me but I would be completely fine without acknowledging it. I think the idea of seeing a guy masturbate is hot to me. Sometimes I like to think he is masturbating to the thought of getting fucked by me. In fact the guy I hooked up with kept calling his hole a “pussy” which gave me a huge boner. I think I would’ve actually preferred he had a real vagina than a penis. But I didn’t want him to be a woman. Recently on LPSG I’ve noticed I’m in the minority of people who isn’t a “size queen” (prefer large penis)

So, does anyone else have this certain case, if so what advancements did you make in your life sexually? I feel very frustrated in numerous ways. I’m starting to think I’m actually more of a heterosexual than homosexual because, men have penises, and the only thing that makes men sexual is his penis, which I’m not getting sexual pleasure out of. I’m thinking about finding a ciswoman to hook up with but man does that sound difficult… I want to see what being with a trans woman and man is like, because I think that is what I’m going for, but I don’t know. gay men are so much more promiscuous. any comments or ideas would be very much appreciated thank you

It kinda sounds like you're just a top?

 

[tsfan1]

Internalized homophobia

 

[GetNakedIGotAPlan]

Internalized homophobia

Expand

 

[tsfan1]

Expand

Society has teached us being gay makes u less of man. Sucking a penis or getting a penis in ur hole is something for women. If men act like women, they arent real men.

(This also shows that our society is mysoginistic.)

Internalized homophobia means that someone is gay and is trying to act on his gayness as 'straight' as possible. So he fucks a guy in the ass because that s not 'really' gay, as straight men also put their dicks in holes.
Sucking a dick and getting fucked is something he will not do, even though he likes it, because society made him think it s bad.

So i think that s whatsup with you.

 

[GetNakedIGotAPlan]

Society has teached us being gay makes u less of man. Sucking a penis or getting a penis in ur hole is something for women. If men act like women, they arent real men.

(This also shows that our society is mysoginistic.)

Internalized homophobia means that someone is gay and is trying to act on his gayness as 'straight' as possible. So he fucks a guy in the ass because that s not 'really' gay, as straight men also put their dicks in holes.
Sucking a dick and getting fucked is something he will not do, even though he likes it, because society made him think it s bad.

So i think that s whatsup with you.

I think you have a little wrong. By your logic, a man who only feels comfortable with letting women peg him has internalized heterophobia (not wanting to interact with vagina). I don’t find bottoming or giving head esmasculating, I’ve done it plenty of times before, but I simply only enjoy being the top more. I like to see guys cum and jerk themselves off and I think I mentioned in post I like to jerk guys off too so I’m not completely ignoring the penis. I am looking for guidance from people with similar experiences because I think I might be attracted to women instead of men, or FTM people.

 

[malakos]

Internalized homophobia

Possible, but also people have all sorts of preferences for no articulable reason at all.

 

[Iamyesyouareno]

Want to keep this brief…

A few days ago I had the most perfect sex. It was a twinkish guy with a fit build, we hooked up twice before, but this time I had zero interaction with his penis. I had sucked it and jerked it the two times we hooked up. But after our meeting I came to this really strange conclusion I felt a lot better about myself and the sex not having interacted with his penis.

I’ve given head and bottomed numerous times, I can’t say any of those times the sex was as good as this experience, and any time I did that it was mostly, I feel like, I was convincing myself I’m having sex with a hot guy, so it’s a fair trade off. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but this is the mindset I was in previously. I genuinely cannot stand to perform oral sex on a man’s penis or be the bottom at the end of the day.

Seeing an actual penis on an attractive guy is hot to me, or seeing him jerk off, but in sex a penis doesn’t repulse me but I would be completely fine without acknowledging it. I think the idea of seeing a guy masturbate is hot to me. Sometimes I like to think he is masturbating to the thought of getting fucked by me. In fact the guy I hooked up with kept calling his hole a “pussy” which gave me a huge boner. I think I would’ve actually preferred he had a real vagina than a penis. But I didn’t want him to be a woman. Recently on LPSG I’ve noticed I’m in the minority of people who isn’t a “size queen” (prefer large penis)

So, does anyone else have this certain case, if so what advancements did you make in your life sexually? I feel very frustrated in numerous ways. I’m starting to think I’m actually more of a heterosexual than homosexual because, men have penises, and the only thing that makes men sexual is his penis, which I’m not getting sexual pleasure out of. I’m thinking about finding a ciswoman to hook up with but man does that sound difficult… I want to see what being with a trans woman and man is like, because I think that is what I’m going for, but I don’t know. gay men are so much more promiscuous. any comments or ideas would be very much appreciated thank you

Don't burden yourself with all the haters who will scream "internalized homophobia" at every little quality that differs from what is seen as "mainstream gay" acceptable.

I understand what you mean and I myself rarely interact with the dicks of the guys I'm with. The answer why is pretty simple and I would guess plenty of other people feel similarly: bottoming is painful and sucking cock is boring and uncomfortable for the mouth.

 

[tsfan1]

I think you have a little wrong. By your logic, a man who only feels comfortable with letting women peg him has internalized heterophobia (not wanting to interact with vagina). I don’t find bottoming or giving head esmasculating, I’ve done it plenty of times before, but I simply only enjoy being the top more. I like to see guys cum and jerk themselves off and I think I mentioned in post I like to jerk guys off too so I’m not completely ignoring the penis. I am looking for guidance from people with similar experiences because I think I might be attracted to women instead of men, or FTM people.

I dont think there are straight men who dont want to do anything with a pussy.
Only gay people have such weird issues.

If ur attracted to women you wouldnt fuck men.

 

[GetNakedIGotAPlan]

I dont think there are straight men who dont want to do anything with a pussy.
Only gay people have such weird issues.

If ur attracted to women you wouldnt fuck men.

Okay but there are bisexual people? So what you’re saying is I’m probably heterosexual?

 

[Gj816]

The only thing I would say is don't limit yourself. You stated earlier you might try a cis woman. Try it out. You might like it, you might not, but until you've experienced it you won't really know for sure whether you like it or not.
Just my humble opinion.

Life is an experience. No one can say what's right for you, but you.

 

[Infernal]

Sometimes what we like or don't like doesn't really fit into the norms that society tries to place on us. As long as everyone is enjoying themselves and you are hurting or using anyone, then enjoy what you do. It doesn't always have to be about the dick.

 

[padfoot]

Want to keep this brief…

A few days ago I had the most perfect sex. It was a twinkish guy with a fit build, we hooked up twice before, but this time I had zero interaction with his penis. I had sucked it and jerked it the two times we hooked up. But after our meeting I came to this really strange conclusion I felt a lot better about myself and the sex not having interacted with his penis.

I’ve given head and bottomed numerous times, I can’t say any of those times the sex was as good as this experience, and any time I did that it was mostly, I feel like, I was convincing myself I’m having sex with a hot guy, so it’s a fair trade off. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but this is the mindset I was in previously. I genuinely cannot stand to perform oral sex on a man’s penis or be the bottom at the end of the day.

Seeing an actual penis on an attractive guy is hot to me, or seeing him jerk off, but in sex a penis doesn’t repulse me but I would be completely fine without acknowledging it. I think the idea of seeing a guy masturbate is hot to me. Sometimes I like to think he is masturbating to the thought of getting fucked by me. In fact the guy I hooked up with kept calling his hole a “pussy” which gave me a huge boner. I think I would’ve actually preferred he had a real vagina than a penis. But I didn’t want him to be a woman. Recently on LPSG I’ve noticed I’m in the minority of people who isn’t a “size queen” (prefer large penis)

So, does anyone else have this certain case, if so what advancements did you make in your life sexually? I feel very frustrated in numerous ways. I’m starting to think I’m actually more of a heterosexual than homosexual because, men have penises, and the only thing that makes men sexual is his penis, which I’m not getting sexual pleasure out of. I’m thinking about finding a ciswoman to hook up with but man does that sound difficult… I want to see what being with a trans woman and man is like, because I think that is what I’m going for, but I don’t know. gay men are so much more promiscuous. any comments or ideas would be very much appreciated thank you

You're primarily interested in men, outright. That mean's you're likely 'gay'! And, in addition to cisgender gay men, it sounds like if the idea of a vulva gets you going, you might be someone interested in dating transgender men as well. You really don't need to torture yourself over this any more than that. I disagree the notion that fixating on your attraction to a particular type of genital is the most salient aspect of a sexual identity. For instance, I like many others am very attracted to penises, call me a 'phallophile'. Some gay men are more so, some are less so. I might see one I want to touch at a bath house or sex party because it's remarkably large or well-formed, but when it comes to actually structuring my relationships with men in the outside world -- you know, relationships, gay culture, and the things that really make me *gay* to a greater extent than my occasional flirtations with a bath house -- the penis is way less important than the man it's attached to.

On the other hand, you'll find straight men on this website who are obsessed with cocks: their own, other mens, all of them. That doesn't necessarily mean they're even bisexual. I've known men who ultimately realized their ideal scenario was to date transwomen with penises -- "best of both worlds" in his mind. He considers himself straight, which is basically how the world sees him, and I don't see any good reason to challenge that identity on his behalf.

Anyway, speaking as a gay men who sometimes likes to get fucked, I don't necessarily mind my dick getting overlooked from time to time, particularly with a dominant top who makes it clear that, to my delight, their interest is in extracting pleasure from me *on their own body's behalf*. Now, I find that really hot, and though I wouldn't want an everyday lover/partner who was always 'selfish' in this way, I think you'll find plenty of men, particularly self-identified bottoms, who have no qualms with the type of sex you describe preferring.

My 2 cents.

 

[Player_01]

I would say sexuality can be more complicated than any label.

If you are looking for a man with a vagina, then go for it. On our Grindr here there are a few, I would try that app and look for trans on their profiles. Don't be creepy, or fetishy about it, just polite and say you find them attractive.

I am looking for guidance from people with similar experiences because I think I might be attracted to women instead of men, or FTM people.

Sexuality can be fluid. What interests you at one point in your life might not in another point in your life.

Instead of focusing on a label, just focus on what your interests are. You are into this or that, but don't want to do whatever.

 

[iluvmen]

I dont think there are straight men who dont want to do anything with a pussy.
Only gay people have such weird issues.

If ur attracted to women you wouldnt fuck men.

Well I have a str8 married friend (12 years of marriage) with kids who does not do oral to his wife. Because he detests the idea. Probably bcoz of the smell, sight, etc.

And he is str8 as an arrow.

And believe me, there are many str8 men like this.

Honestly, if I were a woman, I would not have married or dated a man that would not give me oral.

 

[GetNakedIGotAPlan]

Well I have a str8 married friend (12 years of marriage) with kids who does not do oral to his wife. Because he detests the idea. Probably bcoz of the smell, sight, etc.

And he is str8 as an arrow.

And believe me, there are many str8 men like this.

Honestly, if I were a woman, I would not have married or dated a man that would not give me oral.

I wonder if there are men who have just an anal fetish. No vaginal sex, oral or intercourse. To add on to this a guy can fuck a girl’s vagina and the equivalent of this is jerking off a bottom in my mind which I enjoy to do.

 

[Newyorker2018]

You are not straight.

 

[GetNakedIGotAPlan]

You are not straight.

No shit? The title says I’m gay

 

[Gj816]

Ok, I'm going to presume you like fucking guys, but don't really want to have to interact with the other guys dick?

I have a friend that would rather fuck a chick in her ass than in her pussy. He's an admitted ass man. Yeah he'll fuck her pussy some butt what he wants is to fuck her ass.

There's nothing wrong with being a selfish lover, as long as the partner you're having sex with doesn't mind the lack of attention you're paying to his dick. If all you want is for them to suck you hard, get face down ass up, and let you do what you want to their hole. I see nothing wrong with it as long as they're content with that, I say have at it.

Just be up front about it with them.