13 Months With A Straight Guy Ldr

Celshaded2

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So I feel kind of ashamed and I’m ready for people to judge, but I’ve been in an LDR DL relationship with a straight guy for 13 months now.
I am very confused and we are having probably the hardest time imaginable. A lot of people tell me, “Wow you’re dating a straight guy” but it’s not all that magical, not only is his sex drive EXTREMELY LOW, but being on the DL has become kind of hard. He has lied to me plenty of times now, do I think he’s cheated? Probably not physically, but I’m still wondering and trust has been broken already. He wants us to fix things but it’s kind of hard to. The thing that kind of pulls me in is that he does call me every night, and although our texting and communication has dwindled because of fear of arguing and such, we have had some little hints that something is still there.

I’m very confused and was wondering if someone is in a similar or has been in this kind of situation? He’s a nice guy, just has a problem with insecurity and being honest.
 
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sjcgymrat

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You’ll love the person you will, but it sounds like you’re starving yourself. You’re physically distant from someone who wouldn’t be abundantly affectionate if he were next to you. I’ve been in this movie. Please ask yourself if you can ever really be more than good friends. Enjoy that for what it is. You can even describe it as a relationship. But it doesn’t sound to me like you’re dating.
 

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So I feel kind of ashamed and I’m ready for people to judge, but I’ve been in an LDR DL relationship with a straight guy for 13 months now.
I am very confused and we are having probably the hardest time imaginable. A lot of people tell me, “Wow you’re dating a straight guy” but it’s not all that magical, not only is his sex drive EXTREMELY LOW, but being on the DL has become kind of hard. He has lied to me plenty of times now, do I think he’s cheated? Probably not physically, but I’m still wondering and trust has been broken already. He wants us to fix things but it’s kind of hard to. The thing that kind of pulls me in is that he does call me every night, and although our texting and communication has dwindled because of fear of arguing and such, we have had some little hints that something is still there.

I’m very confused and was wondering if someone is in a similar or has been in this kind of situation? He’s a nice guy, just has a problem with insecurity and being honest.
It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

I used to be in your shoes at one point. He was curious, and what we had was very much on the DL. I'd spend nights with him at his place, we'd hang out, and there was a lot of strong emotion there that neither of us communicated. It was like even when we were together, it was a big secret and we couldn't talk about what we felt.

It left a lot of questions, and it built up a ton of insecurities on my part, as well as jealously and anger. On a very basic level, it became emotionally abusive.

Being with someone who isn't being themself, who treats you like their dirty little secret, who then also makes you feel like you should hide what you have, and lie to others.. that isn't fair. That is a strongly unhealthy relationship.

For myself, I had to walk away. I was tired of being emotionally tortured.

You deserve better.
 

Celshaded2

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It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.

I used to be in your shoes at one point. He was curious, and what we had was very much on the DL. I'd spend nights with him at his place, we'd hang out, and there was a lot of strong emotion there that neither of us communicated. It was like even when we were together, it was a big secret and we couldn't talk about what we felt.

It left a lot of questions, and it built up a ton of insecurities on my part, as well as jealously and anger. On a very basic level, it became emotionally abusive.

Being with someone who isn't being themself, who treats you like their dirty little secret, who then also makes you feel like you should hide what you have, and lie to others.. that isn't fair. That is a strongly unhealthy relationship.

For myself, I had to walk away. I was tired of being emotionally tortured.

You deserve better.
You’re absolutely right, I just hate there are some unique things like his overly religious family and him being scared to tell people, we aren’t overly secretive like I do see him throwing hints and putting me in his socials somehow but yeah it does leave me feeling insecure. I have a hard time wondering if his two roommates (who are a part of his frat by the way) haven’t heard him saying the words boyfriend and whatever else out loud.

I guess I would understand if I was in the same position but I’m not lol, I’m starting to think that maybe he’s a demi sexual or whatever it’s called.
 

Celshaded2

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On the DL carries with it a LOT of baggage...

He's on the DL because of his "straightness"? Or maybe another women or men?
His sister came out as bi and basically took it back because of the mom, he’s only ever dated and been interested in girls, pandemic happens and we meet and I guess my personality won him over.
Just due to confusion with the sex thing we have tested out watching porn and it didn’t do anything at all for him I laugh or talk to him and he gets one but doesn’t do anything with it. It’s all a very new situation for me.
 
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His sister came out as bi and basically took it back because of the mom, he’s only ever dated and been interested in girls, pandemic happens and we meet and I guess my personality won him over.
Just due to confusion with the sex thing we have tested out watching porn and it didn’t do anything at all for him I laugh or talk to him and he gets one but doesn’t do anything with it. It’s all a very new situation for me.

So he's never dated a man till you? So he's in a bisexual transition period? In your sex, is he more dominate or submissive?