A Bottom That Doesn’t Like To Bottom

[Hardtove]

Well, the title is confusing but basically I have always imagined myself as a bottom. The thought of being the small spoon and getting fucked turned me on to no end. However, when I became sexually active, it wasn’t what I expected. The first couple of times I tried it I let the guy finish because I felt bad but I absolutely hated it. A couple months later when I tried again I had to tell the guy to stop because I wasn’t feeling it.

I have topped before and while it feels okay, I still think I’m a bottom— I enjoy having someone on top, more dominant. I’ve seen on this forum some guys that weren’t into bottoming at first say that eventually it felt amazing. I bought a dildo and have tried using it but I have a big ass and the one I bought is for beginners so it doesn’t go all the way in (in a comfortable position), and I am not a big fan of the feeling of shitting yourself... When I’m getting fucked I can’t focus on anything else but the feeling of needing to take a dump. I then bought a vibrator and I love it. Could it be the actual friction/movement that turns me off? What do you guys think about when getting fucked? What turns you on about it?

It also makes me wonder how bottoms get so into it right away? People who have a high sex drive, how do you manage to crave it so often? Just the process of douching and how long it takes me makes me not want to do it. On top of this, I am kinda disappointed in myself. Again, I had always seen myself as a bottom (or verse bottom at least) and the small spoon but the fact that I can’t seem get into it makes me feel bad... I also wish I was more sexually active but I am not into hook ups. I’m on Grindr and talk to people but I have never met up with someone. It also feels like I’m missing out on part of the gay experience by not hooking up... but part of me also wonders if I need an actual emotional connection for me to enjoy sex...

So my question is, has anyone else experienced this? And if it did, when did you start getting into it (bottoming)? Sorry for the rant...

 

[Brodie888]

A lot of your issues come down to needing more experience.

Experience in what works for you sexually. Experience in preparing for sex. Experience in knowing your own body. Experience in telling others what you need.

I think the place you need to start is having a relationship with someone who is open to teaching you or experimenting with you in a non judgemental way.

You are unlikely to get this kind of help with the blow n go types so pick wisely.

Also, you can be a submissive bottom type without liking anal. That is normal for some people and there is nothing wrong with that. Just like there are dominant tops who hate the idea of poo on their dick.

 

[AVx22]

It could be a mental thing. Not to say that this is true, but bottoming an be something you fancy doing (as you do) but do not necessarily enjoy doing. Even when I do bottom, it’s almost exclusively mental. I don’t feel much physical pleasure at all. It’s the act alone that excites me. But bottoming rarely happens to me.

As the user above suggested, experience could be the reason, or the lack there of. But you could also say that to all the tops out there who also say they’ve tried bottoming, but did not enjoy it.

 

[MusicBear88]

It sounds like you may be demisexual, which means that yes, you need an emotional connection before you feel sexually attracted to somebody. Also, remember that submissive and bottom are NOT synonyms! There are very dominant bottoms (power bottoms) and the quite submissive tops who love them. And plenty of gay men just aren't that into anal; you might be one of them. It may feel difficult, but you can and will find other men who like what you like.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Well, the title is confusing but basically I have always imagined myself as a bottom. The thought of being the small spoon and getting fucked turned me on to no end. However, when I became sexually active, it wasn’t what I expected. The first couple of times I tried it I let the guy finish because I felt bad but I absolutely hated it. A couple months later when I tried again I had to tell the guy to stop because I wasn’t feeling it.

I have topped before and while it feels okay, I still think I’m a bottom— I enjoy having someone on top, more dominant. I’ve seen on this forum some guys that weren’t into bottoming at first say that eventually it felt amazing. I bought a dildo and have tried using it but I have a big ass and the one I bought is for beginners so it doesn’t go all the way in (in a comfortable position), and I am not a big fan of the feeling of shitting yourself... When I’m getting fucked I can’t focus on anything else but the feeling of needing to take a dump. I then bought a vibrator and I love it. Could it be the actual friction/movement that turns me off? What do you guys think about when getting fucked? What turns you on about it?

It also makes me wonder how bottoms get so into it right away? People who have a high sex drive, how do you manage to crave it so often? Just the process of douching and how long it takes me makes me not want to do it. On top of this, I am kinda disappointed in myself. Again, I had always seen myself as a bottom (or verse bottom at least) and the small spoon but the fact that I can’t seem get into it makes me feel bad... I also wish I was more sexually active but I am not into hook ups. I’m on Grindr and talk to people but I have never met up with someone. It also feels like I’m missing out on part of the gay experience by not hooking up... but part of me also wonders if I need an actual emotional connection for me to enjoy sex...

So my question is, has anyone else experienced this? And if it did, when did you start getting into it (bottoming)? Sorry for the rant...

You sound just like me! Bottom at heart but never feel any pleasurable sensations anally. Used plugs dildos massagers vibrators all barely do anything. Don't really have any interest in topping. But i also dont want to random hookup for anal sex. I think i just don't like anal sex much but I really crave to feel the amazing sensation bottoms describe and show while bottoming.

 

[Hardtove]

A lot of your issues come down to needing more experience.

Experience in what works for you sexually. Experience in preparing for sex. Experience in knowing your own body. Experience in telling others what you need.

I think the place you need to start is having a relationship with someone who is open to teaching you or experimenting with you in a non judgemental way.

You are unlikely to get this kind of help with the blow n go types so pick wisely.

Also, you can be a submissive bottom type without liking anal. That is normal for some people and there is nothing wrong with that. Just like there are dominant tops who hate the idea of poo on their dick.

Thanks for the reply! I think that I could get used to it and possibly enjoy it in the future with more experience but I also don’t want to force myself and end up hating it because of it, you know? It just kinda is disappointing because when I jerk off I do it thinking about getting fucked but not the actual feeling of getting fucked if that makes sense...

 

[Hardtove]

It sounds like you may be demisexual, which means that yes, you need an emotional connection before you feel sexually attracted to somebody. Also, remember that submissive and bottom are NOT synonyms! There are very dominant bottoms (power bottoms) and the quite submissive tops who love them. And plenty of gay men just aren't that into anal; you might be one of them. It may feel difficult, but you can and will find other men who like what you like.

Thanks for the reply!

I have thought about the possibility of being demisexual but I am sexually attracted to people. It’s only when it comes to actual sex (like right there and then in the moment) that the emotional connection becomes a need. I think of myself as a bottom and like the “softer” party in the relationship, kind of. I have only had sex with guys my age (I’m 20) and all they want to do is fuck as fast and hard as they can. I have learned that I enjoy foreplay a lot more but guys my age aren’t interested in that. It sucks because I am more sexually attracted to mature men than younger guys, but the emotional requirement also applies to them (which becomes a bigger problem because what 40 year old will want to be serious with a 20 year old?). I just think that older men would in theory be better for me because they’re more experienced and not as stupid as horny college guys. Or at least that’s the notion I have.

I hope I can find someone (my age or older, doesn’t matter) that can understand me and my needs and that we’re able to develop that emotional connection, but it feels like I’m running out of time. I know it’s stupid since I’m only 20 but at the same time it’s like I’m 20 already and I haven’t been able to have a truly pleasant experience with sex or formed a deep emotional connection with someone...

 

[Hardtove]

You sound just like me! Bottom at heart but never feel any pleasurable sensations anally. Used plugs dildos massagers vibrators all barely do anything. Don't really have any interest in topping. But i also dont want to random hookup for anal sex. I think i just don't like anal sex much but I really crave to feel the amazing sensation bottoms describe and show while bottoming.

Thanks for replying

I long to feel what bottoms feel when they get fucked. I don’t understand how it is pleasurable for them almost automatically. I have always been softer and the cuddle all the time small spoon kind of guy so “failing” at bottoming was kinda like a low blow.

Off topic but I checked your pics and damn you have an amazing cock

 

[Bgpolmast]

As a top, I think it all boils down to take the time to know yourself and a establishing a deep connection with your own body first, meaning start touching yourself, get the right toys you need and start slowing exploring your spots. Determine if what you love from filling vulnerable is the situation itself of submitting being dominated, possessed and not necessarily penetration itself.
But before discarding penetration, try to establish a connection with your prostate, wether with toys, or by having a prostate massager enthusiast, with patience see if that connection of ass play, prostate stimulation and vulnerability works for you, that will tell you at the end if you really want your ass into your sex equation or not. At the end, you love having your ass stimulated, great, or if you don’t feel anything down there and truly dont enjoy it, great too, at the end bttom and attitude or role, not attached to anal desires. It’s like dancing, there is the one who enjoys leading, and there is the other who love being led, as simple as that man. So don’t worry, there also tops who aren’t necessarily crazy or love to penetrate. I hope this help. Enjoy it the journey!

 

[Infernal]

It could be that anal sex is just not for you. I love watching guys take large cocks, and often imagine myself in their place, but when it comes down to actually doing it - I'm just not into it. I've been mostly top, and bottom once in a while. I've rarely had it be a pleasurable experience. I'm not saying I'm doing something I don't like and it's unpleasant, but it's not an experience that leaves me laying there totally worn out with my eyes rolled back in my head either. It's more about the emotional and physical connection. That is far more pleasaurable for me than getting plowed.

 

[Brodie888]

Thanks for the reply! I think that I could get used to it and possibly enjoy it in the future with more experience but I also don’t want to force myself and end up hating it because of it, you know? It just kinda is disappointing because when I jerk off I do it thinking about getting fucked but not the actual feeling of getting fucked if that makes sense...

The feeling gets better as your body learns to differentiate fucking from pooping. Also learning how to relax is important too. Knowing how to stimulate your prostate also makes a difference.

I'd suggest scheduling hour long practice sessions when you can find the time. Start with practicing douching. I find using a hose connected to your shower pressed to your hole is best but make sure you don't overfill.

Get a series of progressively longer and girthier toys up to what you'd find in real life to practise with. Lube is important.

Start with playing in the shower until you feel confident in your douching routine. Progress to your bedroom floor on a large spread out towel. Makes cleanups easier.

Watching porn while you play will help. The hornier the more you will enjoy the feeling. Even when you aren't practicing thrusting, you should make ass play a part of your masturbation. ie finger banging, butt plugs, vibrators etc. This will improve your brain connection with associating your ass with sex.

Just remember that your ass is not your cock so the feeling will be different but satisfying in a different way. Most guys can't cum without stimulating their cock so don't expect that.

For many guys, most of the pleasure is from the intimacy of being fucked rather than the feeling itself.

 

[jpk338]

I have 3-4 friends that don't like anal. Their big thing,mine too sometimes, is massage. Two of them took classes on types of massage, mainly on relaxing,mentally and physically. Also on erotic massage. It's amazing that you can cum without ever touching your dick or ass.
With my hands tied behind my back, I have a friend who can work my nips to the point to where I cum. Another guy can slap my balls,not hard, to the point that I cum.
I am a bottom from the first time I got fucked. I had a wonderful guy teach me and not rush me. I saw his cock the first time and said to myself that I would never be able to take it. It was way too big.
He taught me how to relax, as I said before both mentally and physically. It took him 3 days to get me relaxed enough to take him. And when I did, it wasn't the fucking that made me cum ,it was the fact that I was making this man happy.