A problem with an interest in older women?

[Adreaux]

I'm 25 and have dated a lot of women my age (almost every nightmare scenario has ensued). I suppose I've always had more of an interest in older women. Not just in terms of appearance, but I like to have real conversations (I'm Cajun, we're windier than bags of assholes) rather than someone who's staring at their phone the entire date, more often than not, the older women I've taken out don't take themselves as seriously, less high-strung, less self-absorbed, wittier, funnier, experienced more in life; open-minded (I don't think I need to go into further detail regarding benefits of experience).

But, I don't understand the problem I've had regarding the age difference, especially with their own female friends. It seems like men dating younger women - no problem. But I've had multiple experiences where things are broken off because her friends think I'm trying to take advantage, or the perception that they're old enough to be my mother is innapropriate. I don't have any other motive than an interest in them, but the pressure of the perception of a younger guy's interest always makes things pitter off.

Is this something that is just specific to me (maybe I'm not as witty or interesting as I'd hope to be), or is there a larger issue at play? I feel like I'm being a bit of a "fieraud" (self-absorbed) by just talking about me - but if its a bigger issue, what can I do about it? It doesn't feel a man's issue, if so I could tackle it. If its more of a woman's issue... am I just out of luck? Thanks, in advance!

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I don't know. I don't give shits what consenting adults do amongst themselves and if grown people have thoughts on how I live my life I say fuck em if it doesn't have an impact on them.

Do what's best for you and the ones you give a fuck about. That's my thoughts. Basically about everything. Don't do things that have a negative impact on people. It's not hurting anyone to live the way you do. It may "offend" some individuals. But it doesn't actually affect their lives. So who cares?

I don't offend people on purpose. But if I do by being who I am, that's their problem not mine.

 

[Adreaux]

I don't know. I don't give shits what consenting adults do amongst themselves and if grown people have thoughts on how I live my life I say fuck em if it doesn't have an impact on them.

Do what's best for you and the ones you give a fuck about. That's my thoughts. Basically about everything. Don't do things that have a negative impact on people. It's not hurting anyone to live the way you do. It may "offend" some individuals. But it doesn't actually affect their lives. So who cares?

I don't offend people on purpose. But if I do by being who I am, that's their problem not mine.

I appreciate that. I only have control over what I do. I try my best & people can take from it what they will. I probably overthink things, your outlook feels liberating... less baggage, less bullshit.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I appreciate that. I only have control over what I do. I try my best & people can take from it what they will. I probably overthink things, your outlook feels liberating... less baggage, less bullshit.

Bullshit can go fuck the fuck off on a salty shaft.

My way of things: does this harm anyone who isn't me? No? Then I'm doing what makes me happy if it harms no one.

Consequences are always to be considered. Individual experiences are never the same..

Even one relationship to the next. How is the family and friendship dynamic affected for you and the other party?

I'm not saying FUCK EVERYONE DO YOU. I don't live my life by what society suggests. But I do consider the impact of my choices on those who matter in my personal life.

That's what I have to offer. I'm lucky that people who matter to me feel very much the same way I do about existence.

 

[Adreaux]

I'd rather be cut loose because she thinks I'm a dick, rather than the pressure her friends put on her - like I have some ulterior motive. I don't care what her friends think of me, but societal "norms" end up creeping in. If I was a millionaire, then that would probably nix the gigolo view, but I'm a piss-poor mechanic & hunter. I might be contradicting myself.

I accept people as is. Based on the # of times a GF has tried to shape & mold me... a fuck ton of work with no results.

I'm just looking for someone whos rocks in their head fit the holes in mine (Hallmark isnt bustin down my door for that romantic tidbit). Doesn't seem like rocket science, but maybe easier said than done for some.

Have there ever been outside factors (besides you & the significant other) that have led to your "Fuck yeah, you're the one" or "fuck this, I'm out"?

 

[Lovin.life7]

I'd rather be cut loose because she thinks I'm a dick, rather than the pressure her friends put on her - like I have some ulterior motive. I don't care what her friends think of me, but societal "norms" end up creeping in. If I was a millionaire, then that would probably nix the gigolo view, but I'm a piss-poor mechanic & hunter. I might be contradicting myself.

I accept people as is. Based on the # of times a GF has tried to shape & mold me... a fuck ton of work with no results.

I'm just looking for someone whos rocks in their head fit the holes in mine (Hallmark isnt bustin down my door for that romantic tidbit). Doesn't seem like rocket science, but maybe easier said than done for some.

Have there ever been outside factors (besides you & the significant other) that have led to your "Fuck yeah, you're the one" or "fuck this, I'm out"?

Never. I have my preferences. I'm the one who has to live with my decisions. I don't really care what my friends think.

 

[Adreaux]

Never. I have my preferences. I'm the one who has to live with my decisions. I don't really care what my friends think.

Are your friends ever judgemental (towards you, I mean)?

 

[Lovin.life7]

No, they aren't. I only have friends I could trust my life with, true blue friends. They only want the best for me, whatever makes me happy.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Random thought upon rereading in my boredom...

A lot of people have "friends" because they feel obligated. We're social by nature, evolution doin its thing... But it's a flaw in our motivation to be social.

Real, true friends are concerned when actual harm is possible. They're supportive even if they don't want the exact same things in life. Real friends will be there to defend when necessary and support just the same.

If everyone is consenting and happy with the circumstances, in my opinion, true friends would have fuck all to say other than "does your partner want to join us one of these days to have fun with you?"

Just my opinion. Keep in mind, I have no friends with which I socialize in person. So I may not be the best individual to take advice from on this topic. Or... Most people suck and aren't real enough for me to call them a friend. Couldn't lie if you paid me. I'll die pennyless

I said FUCK SOCIAL NORMS way back. Because society kept telling me "fuck you everything you enjoy is unacceptable". Well I still enjoy what I enjoy and those things do not harm anyone whatsoever. If I offend others, it's never intentional and yunno, I get "offended" too. I don't go trying to dictate the behavior of whoever it was who offended me.

If they did it on purpose, well... They wanna kick a door open I'll break all the windows. Glass fetish in full force.

 

[Adreaux]

The only time I've found outside influences beneficial to my relationship decisions was when my border collie would go through my ex-GF & my clothes on the floor, in the dark, pick up each item of her clothing & drop them near the front door. When we broke up, I swear, she gave me the "I told you so, arf"-look.

 

[Holly Doors]

Nothing wrong with age gap love, I know a few couples where the woman is much older than the man.
45 year old guy with a 67 year old woman, 50 something guy with a woman in her early 70's, 18 year old guy with a 49 year old woman, a woman in her early 60's with a 30's lover etc.
Whatever makes you tick go for it, fuck the nay sayers if you both happy x

 

[Adreaux]

fuck the nay sayers

I'm going to adopt that as my family motto; put it under my family crest (as if a family like mine would have a family crest - would definitely contain a beer bottle).

 

[deleted17651521]

I'm 25 and have dated a lot of women my age (almost every nightmare scenario has ensued). I suppose I've always had more of an interest in older women. Not just in terms of appearance, but I like to have real conversations (I'm Cajun, we're windier than bags of assholes) rather than someone who's staring at their phone the entire date, more often than not, the older women I've taken out don't take themselves as seriously, less high-strung, less self-absorbed, wittier, funnier, experienced more in life; open-minded (I don't think I need to go into further detail regarding benefits of experience).

But, I don't understand the problem I've had regarding the age difference, especially with their own female friends. It seems like men dating younger women - no problem. But I've had multiple experiences where things are broken off because her friends think I'm trying to take advantage, or the perception that they're old enough to be my mother is innapropriate. I don't have any other motive than an interest in them, but the pressure of the perception of a younger guy's interest always makes things pitter off.

Is this something that is just specific to me (maybe I'm not as witty or interesting as I'd hope to be), or is there a larger issue at play? I feel like I'm being a bit of a "fieraud" (self-absorbed) by just talking about me - but if its a bigger issue, what can I do about it? It doesn't feel a man's issue, if so I could tackle it. If its more of a woman's issue... am I just out of luck? Thanks, in advance!
View attachment 106365521

I would venture to guess her friends are concerned about her having to financially support the relationship. Most 25yo men are still not very mature emotionally, financially, etc. There is the societal aspect as well. It is more socially accepted in the US for older men to date younger women.

 

[Adreaux]

I would venture to guess her friends are concerned about her having to financially support the relationship. Most 25yo men are still not very mature emotionally, financially, etc. There is the societal aspect as well. It is more socially accepted in the US for older men to date younger women.

You're probably right. Plus, based on the # of restraining orders I've had to take out on ex-GF's (I always fall for the pretty, but bat-shit-crazy ones), 25yo girls arent that much more mature. I think the maturity curve starts diverging substantially after the mid-20s - chicks get their shit together & guys keep on with their hands down their pants - I suppose terrified that their balls will wander away if they dont have a firm grip on them.

While random hookups make me feel kinda dirty, in terms of being with an older woman... it might exist only in that realm - finding someone interested in playing around, rather than dealing with the baggage of age issues. I don't like to overthink it (while I obsessively overthink it, just like everything else). I appreciate your input.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Maybe you need to look at maturity, not age.

 

[Snarky_succubus]

I'm 25 and have dated a lot of women my age (almost every nightmare scenario has ensued). I suppose I've always had more of an interest in older women. Not just in terms of appearance, but I like to have real conversations (I'm Cajun, we're windier than bags of assholes) rather than someone who's staring at their phone the entire date, more often than not, the older women I've taken out don't take themselves as seriously, less high-strung, less self-absorbed, wittier, funnier, experienced more in life; open-minded (I don't think I need to go into further detail regarding benefits of experience).

But, I don't understand the problem I've had regarding the age difference, especially with their own female friends. It seems like men dating younger women - no problem. But I've had multiple experiences where things are broken off because her friends think I'm trying to take advantage, or the perception that they're old enough to be my mother is innapropriate. I don't have any other motive than an interest in them, but the pressure of the perception of a younger guy's interest always makes things pitter off.

Is this something that is just specific to me (maybe I'm not as witty or interesting as I'd hope to be), or is there a larger issue at play? I feel like I'm being a bit of a "fieraud" (self-absorbed) by just talking about me - but if its a bigger issue, what can I do about it? It doesn't feel a man's issue, if so I could tackle it. If its more of a woman's issue... am I just out of luck? Thanks, in advance!
View attachment 106365521

It’s not something I’d ever let stop me. My late husband was 13 years older than me and all kinds of people had shit to say about it. That being said… there’s a lot of people who just can’t handle the scrutiny. I wouldn’t, by any means, assume this is a you issue. It just is what it is. Being eyeballed constantly gets old even for those of us who are pretty used to it.