I am gay and the biggest affliction I have is that I am very much attracted to straight men. It is because I am attracted to men who are genuine men, rather than men who act like women. Over the years I have been attracted to a number of my straight mates who know I am gay, but don't know that I am attracted to them as I am too worried about losing their friendship if I admit to them how I feel. My question is....are straight guys repulsed at the thought of a gay friend who finds them attractive?
A question.
- Thread starter Edders
- Start date
While one certainly has to assert one's boundaries: the short answer to the question is 'no'. At least if the person in question has the ability to contextualize a sentiment directed at them.
In other words: the person has to have attained a high plateau of security. Which has many other contributing factors. And which is not something anyone should demand or expect or any other person.
We humans all have a basic fight or flight instinct; an innate primordial program, if you will, for survival. That has to be considered, and also forgiven/sympathized with at times.
Consider this...
To say that someone is attractive: is it intended as a compliment, purely? Or is there an ulterior motive?
That's where the trouble is; the fantasy that one does not wish to be part of.
If you are going to give a compliment (and this is true for anyone), then it has to come from the right place. Given freely, and clearly, without expectations. Otherwise, we all run the risk, ironically, of insulting someone else.
In other words: the person has to have attained a high plateau of security. Which has many other contributing factors. And which is not something anyone should demand or expect or any other person.
We humans all have a basic fight or flight instinct; an innate primordial program, if you will, for survival. That has to be considered, and also forgiven/sympathized with at times.
Consider this...
To say that someone is attractive: is it intended as a compliment, purely? Or is there an ulterior motive?
That's where the trouble is; the fantasy that one does not wish to be part of.
If you are going to give a compliment (and this is true for anyone), then it has to come from the right place. Given freely, and clearly, without expectations. Otherwise, we all run the risk, ironically, of insulting someone else.
I’m a straight man, born and raised in a blue collar town, so I very much fit into the “manly man” look and vibe. But I went to college for music, and to no one’s surprise liberal arts schools are full of people on every spectrum you can think of when it comes to sexuality and they tend to be pretty safe places for people to not hide who they are.
That’s only important to set the stage that I’ve been around gay men most of my adult life and many of them have been attracted to me. I’m fine with that, I find it flattering. But I also set my boundaries, my “no” is not negotiable and it will never be negotiable. We can give each other shit and make stupid jokes with each other and be friends, that’s great. But it’ll never be more than that.
I tell them I respect their preferences so please respect mine. And it’s been good in my experience.
It’s the same for me with a woman I find attractive that isn’t interested in me. We can still be friends, I just act like an adult about it and move on. Finding someone attractive doesn’t mean I’m owed anything. I find a lot of women attractive, but there’s no sense in me wanting someone who doesn’t want me. What’s the end game there? Say a woman who isn’t interested in me decides to give me a chance, then what? I spend the rest of our relationship proving to her why she should like me? Nah. I’d rather be with someone who wants to be with me.
That’s only important to set the stage that I’ve been around gay men most of my adult life and many of them have been attracted to me. I’m fine with that, I find it flattering. But I also set my boundaries, my “no” is not negotiable and it will never be negotiable. We can give each other shit and make stupid jokes with each other and be friends, that’s great. But it’ll never be more than that.
I tell them I respect their preferences so please respect mine. And it’s been good in my experience.
It’s the same for me with a woman I find attractive that isn’t interested in me. We can still be friends, I just act like an adult about it and move on. Finding someone attractive doesn’t mean I’m owed anything. I find a lot of women attractive, but there’s no sense in me wanting someone who doesn’t want me. What’s the end game there? Say a woman who isn’t interested in me decides to give me a chance, then what? I spend the rest of our relationship proving to her why she should like me? Nah. I’d rather be with someone who wants to be with me.
Some guys definitely would t like the idea that another guy like them — but this is something they have to look over
As guys will look at women and the women wish the guys wouldn’t stare at them in that way..
I’ve actually had guys ask me if I thought they were hot sexy .. or even would I suck their dick if they let me I won’t lie about it.. they ask a question just be ready for the answer is all I can say
As guys will look at women and the women wish the guys wouldn’t stare at them in that way..
I’ve actually had guys ask me if I thought they were hot sexy .. or even would I suck their dick if they let me I won’t lie about it.. they ask a question just be ready for the answer is all I can say
cofrader
Superior Member
- Joined
- May 2, 2006
- Posts
- 1,943
- Media
- 3
- Likes
- 3,141
- Points
- 368
- Location
- Earth(mostly)
- Sexuality
- 100% Straight, 0% Gay
- Gender
- Male
All the spectrum is genuine men. You are in luck there are 100 percent gay sexually active men who look straight the only clue could be the lack of wife girlfriend.
Repulsed at a though? No
I don't read minds if he doesn't say I won't ever know.
I would be surprised to be called attractive, I have being called that way before but i don't buy it.
The perk of having friends is the relax of sexual tension if you can't do that you are no friend material
I'd only be offended if you told me you were attracted to me, or tried some gay-for-straight stuff. I have female friends that are absolutely gorgeous. I mean, they are fucking hot. But I've never told them "hey you're super hot" because that's rude and that's not really what friends do. I might offer a compliment like "you look great don't be down on yourself" or "yes, you do look good in that [clothing article]" but never a "damn you look so good I'd love to see you naked" or anything like that, not suggestive.
I'm only repulsed if the attraction made itself known and hampered our friendship. I'd know right away that the only reason said male friend was a friend to me was because they are interested in fucking me. I've had men fall head over heels for me--some still do--and its annoying as soon as I know, and I feel like our whole friendship was a big sham and set up just because they were so horny for me, all the hanging out and everything was just so they could be around me, but not to be my real friend. All those guys ceased being my friend the minute, I think, they realized "yes, I am straight, married to a woman who I love more than anything, and I do not want to fuck you, dude". Its like one minute we're hanging out quite a bit, and then its like I'm being ghosted and they don't return emails, calls, texts, Facebook notes, etc.. My wife has had male friends like this in the past. She's into guy friends, real ones that don't want to fuck her, and they are straight and get pussy and have their own ladies. But as soon as one of those male "friends" realized she was dating me, or with me, or she didn't want to have sex with them, they'd cease being her friend and never ever talk to her. Some guys were her friend for like months to a year sometimes. As soon as the chance to get their dick wet ended, boom she was ghosted. Like the friendship, hell, the acquaintance, didn't ever exist.
My advice OP is to find gay men who are not effeminate. I think they are out there for sure. You probably just need to figure out who they are and find them.
I'm only repulsed if the attraction made itself known and hampered our friendship. I'd know right away that the only reason said male friend was a friend to me was because they are interested in fucking me. I've had men fall head over heels for me--some still do--and its annoying as soon as I know, and I feel like our whole friendship was a big sham and set up just because they were so horny for me, all the hanging out and everything was just so they could be around me, but not to be my real friend. All those guys ceased being my friend the minute, I think, they realized "yes, I am straight, married to a woman who I love more than anything, and I do not want to fuck you, dude". Its like one minute we're hanging out quite a bit, and then its like I'm being ghosted and they don't return emails, calls, texts, Facebook notes, etc.. My wife has had male friends like this in the past. She's into guy friends, real ones that don't want to fuck her, and they are straight and get pussy and have their own ladies. But as soon as one of those male "friends" realized she was dating me, or with me, or she didn't want to have sex with them, they'd cease being her friend and never ever talk to her. Some guys were her friend for like months to a year sometimes. As soon as the chance to get their dick wet ended, boom she was ghosted. Like the friendship, hell, the acquaintance, didn't ever exist.
My advice OP is to find gay men who are not effeminate. I think they are out there for sure. You probably just need to figure out who they are and find them.
Why don't women have "I'm straighter than you" contests. These threads seem almost ludicrous at times.
There's no way of ever knowing what someone is thinking sexually. Just because someone wears a l
label and acts according to the label doesn't mean they are what the label says they are.
I've had a few very straight men admit to me that they think of my big dick all the time because they're so jealous of it. I've also had straight men tell me that they fantasize of being with a transwoman, but they would never admit to hardly anyone.
We really don't know people. We all have difference faces, depending on our circumstances in life.
The gay vs straight vs bisexual stuff is just worn out on here. Men are all just men, at the end of the day. They all have a penis, set of testicles and an asshole.
There's no way of ever knowing what someone is thinking sexually. Just because someone wears a l
label and acts according to the label doesn't mean they are what the label says they are.
I've had a few very straight men admit to me that they think of my big dick all the time because they're so jealous of it. I've also had straight men tell me that they fantasize of being with a transwoman, but they would never admit to hardly anyone.
We really don't know people. We all have difference faces, depending on our circumstances in life.
The gay vs straight vs bisexual stuff is just worn out on here. Men are all just men, at the end of the day. They all have a penis, set of testicles and an asshole.
I'm going to say yes..but maybe repulsed is a strong word? I don't think the feeling carries the weight of term, but there is a significant difference in my perception of a woman I don't find attractive finding me attractive, and a man finding me attractive, so I guess "repulsion" would be the easiest way to describe it..As in I find value in general female attraction and aversion to attraction from anyone else.
Im not saying from an ideal social place you shouldn't be able to admit to your straight friends how you feel, but I think the chances they'll not be delighted by your revelation of interest are very high. In fact as your friends now I'm willing to bet they speak highly of you to others specifically because you've never tried them or expressed desire for them...so keep that same energy and don't hit on your straight friends until they start to hit on you.
