About to experiment but I’m scared out of my mind

[Llshep]

I’ll try to make a long story short and please forgive any spelling mistakes, I’m typing this from my phone.

I’m in my 20s and I told myself that this would be the year I finally try things with a guy. I like girls too but failed relationship after failed relationship has left me wondering what things with another guy might be like.

I’ve always been attracted to both genders, but have never acted on my same sex urges. I guess it’s because of internalized homophobia to be quite honest and a fear of rejection from my friends and even strangers.

Anywho, things really kicked up a notch in the last few days. I downloaded a dating app (I haven’t shown face and vice versa) and am supposed to meet two guys on Friday and Sunday and one in about two weeks. I’ve told them all that I’m just experimenting and that I’ve never done anything before.

To my knowledge, two of them are DL. I’m not having sex with them at all. The most I’d do is oral but even that’s a stretch unless I see their latest test results. I guess we’ll just do some CarPlay and leave it at that.

I see myself with a wife and kids one day. This whole guy thing is just me experimenting and trying things out. No strings attached besides MAYBE friends with benefits, but I can’t say for certain.

I’m ready to experiment but every time I think about it I get tremors. Bad anxiety kicks in and I lost my words, appetite etc. I’m nervous as hell to put myself out there. I want to but at the same time this anxiety is crazy and has me ready to cancel.

What if I’m getting cat fished by one of them? What if they expose me? Even if they’re DL that doesn’t stop them from doing so. I’m just having a hard time wrapping my mind around finally doing things.

I know people might say “With experience/practice you’ll get more comfortable” but unfortunately, that’s not good enough advice. My nerves are beating my ass right now and I’m on the verge of cancelling everything and not experimenting at all.

If someone could give me advice that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much

TLDR; I’m nervous as hell to experiment with a guy for the first time. At this point, I wanna cancel my meet ups even though I want to test things out. The anxiety is terrible. Can I get some advice please?

 

[briacon429]

You’ll do great! A lot of us have felt those same nerves when we started doing stuff with guys. I would never presume to tell you how to feel, but I can definitely relate.

From what you’ve described, you’re doing the right thing! If you’ve wanted to try stuff with guys, you should, because those urges are unlikely to ever go away. For me personally, my #1 regret is that I didn’t act on those urges sooner.

Don’t worry, you don’t need to commit to anything. If you want to keep it chill, there are plenty of guys out there who want the same thing. If you find you like it, you can keep doing it. Or if you want to go back to dating girls, you can do that too. Whatever floats your boat! (I know plenty of bi guys who date both guys and girls.)

I completely agree you should stay safe. You can protect yourself with a few simple tricks, which you may already know.

One easy trick is is to ask him to take a selfie (with or without showing face) in which you make him hold up a piece of paper, maybe with the date on it or a specific message. Or you can make him hold up a specific number of fingers. That way you at least have some assurance about the person you’re talking to, even if you don’t know his real name.

When you communicate with him, I’d recommend sticking to apps that allow blocking if needed: either the dating app itself, or Snap, or something along those lines. If things go well, you can always give him your contact info later. But if things go south— or if you just decide you’re not interested— you can block him.

I could go on, but hopefully that helps! If you do want to chat in detail, my DMs are open.

 

[hvdude]

You mention anxiety several times. Are you anxious or excited. Exploring unfamiliar territory can be scary. Add on top of that anonymous meet-ups and that only adds to the anxiety. They are on the DL makes me nervous too.

There are other ways to meet guys besides apps. Most of the time the best way is to just be yourself. If you are around a guy in whom you are interested, flirt a little. Strike up a conversation. There are always clubs, etc. You're in a vacation destination, so a Google search might turn something up.

If this doesn't feel right to you then stop. Cancel and regroup. You're only 20. Take a deep breath and start again.

 

[Brodie888]

Nerves are normal with doing something for the first time. No different to public speaking, driving a car, etc.

I think the key is to communicate clearly with these guys, only do what you are comfortable with. Perhaps a false name to start with so you can't be searched.

Make sure you pick guys you will feel comfortable calling afterwards to ask any questions or willing to see again.

Most likely they will offer to blow you for no reciprocation or whatever you are willing to do.

Let's be clear, as long as you practice safe sex and get regular testing like you should having multiple straight partners then you will be fine.

Being bisexual is probably the largest sexual orientation demographic. I think your first step is coming out to yourself at the moment, I am not sure you are there yet.

As a bisexual you can still marry a woman, have kids, whatever. If that's what you ultimately want. I have had sex with so many guys like this, it's cliche.

What happens is the sex dries up after the kids come so the husbands fuck guys because there are less strings cheating with another guy.

If you use a fake name, don't use photos from other social media that can be searched and don't reveal your number plate, it's really hard for you to be outed. Your best bet is not to tell them you are closeted so they don't know they have any leverage.

 

[briacon429]

@Llshep let us know how it goes!

 

[theplayerking]

Here’s a trick that might work for you:

Look at yourself in the bathroom mirror a couple of times a day and say out loud, “I really want to experiment and fool around with a guy,” or something similar. It’s important for you to articulate it verbally and not just think about. The more comfortable you get with saying it, the more comfortable you’ll be doing it.

You don’t have to be out to the world, but you have to be out to yourself. You won’t enjoy it if you don’t own it. Breathe and have fun!

 

[briacon429]

Here’s a trick that might work for you:

Look at yourself in the bathroom mirror a couple of times a day and say out loud, “I really want to experiment and fool around with a guy,” or something similar. It’s important for you to articulate it verbally and not just think about. The more comfortable you get with saying it, the more comfortable you’ll be doing it.

You don’t have to be out to the world, but you have to be out to yourself. You won’t enjoy it if you don’t own it. Breathe and have fun!

Great call-out! That’s almost exactly what I did when I was at that stage. It was a little scary to say those words to myself, but once I did, I felt so much better. And sure enough, shortly after that was when I had my first time with a guy….

 

[SwipeWright]

Everyone here has offered great advice. The only thing I can offer is sex is fun, sex is awesome and so should your experience. There’s no rush to the finish line so find the right guy even if it takes a couple meetings, do only what you feel comfortable with, if your on training wheels there’s no need to go from that and jump on a Harley, set clear boundaries and the word no is a full sentence and you can stop and end it at anytime. Tons of guys experiment out of curiosity if you dig it and want to incorporate as a part of your regular sex life great. If you try it and it not for you then then no harm no foul on that either.

 

[Twunk2001]

I’ll try to make a long story short and please forgive any spelling mistakes, I’m typing this from my phone.

I’m in my 20s and I told myself that this would be the year I finally try things with a guy. I like girls too but failed relationship after failed relationship has left me wondering what things with another guy might be like.

I’ve always been attracted to both genders, but have never acted on my same sex urges. I guess it’s because of internalized homophobia to be quite honest and a fear of rejection from my friends and even strangers.

Anywho, things really kicked up a notch in the last few days. I downloaded a dating app (I haven’t shown face and vice versa) and am supposed to meet two guys on Friday and Sunday and one in about two weeks. I’ve told them all that I’m just experimenting and that I’ve never done anything before.

To my knowledge, two of them are DL. I’m not having sex with them at all. The most I’d do is oral but even that’s a stretch unless I see their latest test results. I guess we’ll just do some CarPlay and leave it at that.

I see myself with a wife and kids one day. This whole guy thing is just me experimenting and trying things out. No strings attached besides MAYBE friends with benefits, but I can’t say for certain.

I’m ready to experiment but every time I think about it I get tremors. Bad anxiety kicks in and I lost my words, appetite etc. I’m nervous as hell to put myself out there. I want to but at the same time this anxiety is crazy and has me ready to cancel.

What if I’m getting cat fished by one of them? What if they expose me? Even if they’re DL that doesn’t stop them from doing so. I’m just having a hard time wrapping my mind around finally doing things.

I know people might say “With experience/practice you’ll get more comfortable” but unfortunately, that’s not good enough advice. My nerves are beating my ass right now and I’m on the verge of cancelling everything and not experimenting at all.

If someone could give me advice that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much

TLDR; I’m nervous as hell to experiment with a guy for the first time. At this point, I wanna cancel my meet ups even though I want to test things out. The anxiety is terrible. Can I get some advice please?

The first time it’ll be a lot of anxiety but it’ll pass, just trust your gut.

 

[Andrej_u]

Make sure to talk with the guys about your worries before meeting them. Mention your anxiety, your fear of being exposed and the idea that you might end up not wanting to really do anything once you're there. (Which is quite understandable too, considering that there was no face shown... And there are lots of factors involved, like his smell, non-verbal cues and so on).

If they are not interested anymore or decide that it's too much hassle... Then it's a pity, but it's important that you feel comfortable in a hookup. If their reaction to your anxiety is not understanding but it's demanding, then it's time for you to cancel the hookup and look for someone else. Otherwise go for it and enjoy it

I've been on the other side of your situation, I've been the guy who helped incredibly closeted men to experiment a bit. I tried to reassure them, make them feel understood and gave them some cuddles too before and after sex. I tried to encourage them to open up a bit while respecting their limits and listening to their concerns and fears. I loved it.

And last but not least, and I will be a bit explicit on purpose... Remember that you're the same person before and after you've had a massive dick up your ass. You'll have one more experience and perspective of the world, but you're still the same old you, maybe just with a bit more of a smiling face.

 

[JeffName]

I didn't read all the responses but:
Find someone you feel comfortable talking to first and avoid anyone who tries to push on boundaries or convince you to try things you aren't ready for. If communication feels like a sales pitch or you feel at all uncomfortable walk away.

 

[gcodethemachine]

My first attempt I was super nervous and actually backed out and apologized and said I wasn't ready yet. It was just some random stranger I had just met and gave a ride so no big deal. Years later I was finally ready and have had quite a few amazing experiences. I am very bisexual leaning heavily towards the gay end of the spectrum and am married to a wonderful woman who loves to watch.
I'd say don't push yourself, you will know when you are ready and where you are comfortable. Getting to know someone a bit first will probably help you too.
Good luck

 

[artboyd]

Like @Andrej_u says, TELL THEM about how you feel. I was on my 30s when I first tried it and I had all of these issues like you're having... kind of feeling like I am typing the opening. I realized that when I talked to them about it, the experience was very nice with those who understood. Not everyone has patience for this. For some is just about themselves and to get off and they want no part in your drama - which is also valid for themselves - but you can FIND when chatting, someone that can be of great help in breaking barriers, making you feel comfortable and turning the anxiety into relaxation and pleasure.

I am very grateful with those who treated me in a good way but also feel ashamed because I was not as nice as I could have been to them because of my fears. There are really good people out there that can help!

 

[Adamandadam]

I think you're going at it the wrong way. Ditch the apps, and go to a gay bar or event where you can meet someone in person. Go on a date. Make out. Establish some trust. You are right to be wary of strangers. You have less control over what happens than you may think. If you want it this much, you need it. You're not straight. You're not going to have the wife-and-kids picture life. You can marry a man and adopt kids and have a family that way. Find your truth and live accordingly. If they weren't prostitutes, I'd suggest getting a massage from a man to see how that goes first.

 

[ManchesterTom]

My first attempt I was super nervous and actually backed out and apologized and said I wasn't ready yet. It was just some random stranger I had just met and gave a ride so no big deal. Years later I was finally ready and have had quite a few amazing experiences. I am very bisexual leaning heavily towards the gay end of the spectrum and am married to a wonderful woman who loves to watch.
I'd say don't push yourself, you will know when you are ready and where you are comfortable. Getting to know someone a bit first will probably help you too.
Good luck

Just seen your pics. Very nice collection. I also like your guitars.

 

[gcodethemachine]

Just seen your pics. Very nice collection. I also like your guitars.

Thanks

 

[ItalTony9]

I think you're going at it the wrong way. Ditch the apps, and go to a gay bar or event where you can meet someone in person. Go on a date. Make out. Establish some trust. You are right to be wary of strangers. You have less control over what happens than you may think. If you want it this much, you need it. You're not straight. You're not going to have the wife-and-kids picture life. You can marry a man and adopt kids and have a family that way. Find your truth and live accordingly. If they weren't prostitutes, I'd suggest getting a massage from a man to see how that goes first.

Welcome to the. Tough Love advice Line

 

[Brodie888]

I have been having sex with men since I was in college. My only regret in life is not starting sooner.

 

[deleted5501621]

I’ll try to make a long story short and please forgive any spelling mistakes, I’m typing this from my phone.

I’m in my 20s and I told myself that this would be the year I finally try things with a guy. I like girls too but failed relationship after failed relationship has left me wondering what things with another guy might be like.

I’ve always been attracted to both genders, but have never acted on my same sex urges. I guess it’s because of internalized homophobia to be quite honest and a fear of rejection from my friends and even strangers.

Anywho, things really kicked up a notch in the last few days. I downloaded a dating app (I haven’t shown face and vice versa) and am supposed to meet two guys on Friday and Sunday and one in about two weeks. I’ve told them all that I’m just experimenting and that I’ve never done anything before.

To my knowledge, two of them are DL. I’m not having sex with them at all. The most I’d do is oral but even that’s a stretch unless I see their latest test results. I guess we’ll just do some CarPlay and leave it at that.

I see myself with a wife and kids one day. This whole guy thing is just me experimenting and trying things out. No strings attached besides MAYBE friends with benefits, but I can’t say for certain.

I’m ready to experiment but every time I think about it I get tremors. Bad anxiety kicks in and I lost my words, appetite etc. I’m nervous as hell to put myself out there. I want to but at the same time this anxiety is crazy and has me ready to cancel.

What if I’m getting cat fished by one of them? What if they expose me? Even if they’re DL that doesn’t stop them from doing so. I’m just having a hard time wrapping my mind around finally doing things.

I know people might say “With experience/practice you’ll get more comfortable” but unfortunately, that’s not good enough advice. My nerves are beating my ass right now and I’m on the verge of cancelling everything and not experimenting at all.

If someone could give me advice that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much

TLDR; I’m nervous as hell to experiment with a guy for the first time. At this point, I wanna cancel my meet ups even though I want to test things out. The anxiety is terrible. Can I get some advice please?

Get it out of your system, from experience I had a small thing with one of my friends when I was younger and while I love women and their assets am a product of a divorce and refuse to get married again. Nothing wrong with it but at my age not required. a, older and most of my age groups want to get hitched lol. Good luck with your plight and be safe!