I have a new boyfriend and the other day we fooled around. The problem (well not too much of a problem) is that while we were at it, mentally, I wasn't really into. Not disgusted or anything it was just something that was happening. He was into it and I'm glad, but it didn't really make me feel any kind of actual pleasure in the acts itself. Was just curious do any of you feel similar when you have sex/foreplay/ etc.? What goes through your mind during it? For the record I do consider myself on the Ace spectrum. Just wanted to see how you all felt about thesw kinds of situations
Apparently I show some Ace-y characteristics....it's complicated....I suppose I'm kinda an indifferent demisexual, vaguely biromantic. Anyways we can talk about labels till we're blue in the face. Most of time the satisfaction I get out of sex, is in well...helping my partner find their satisfaction. I do go down on them, and permit them to reciprocate, but largely because it makes them happy...and whilst I am largely indifferent, it doesn't feel...horrible....better than masturbation typically....especially if I'm feeling it... or they catch me at a particularly good spot in my hormone cycle (surprise men's hormones apparently cycle a bit too). I won't lie I get a lot of satisfaction with the more intimate components of foreplay that come before, especially the snuggling and caressing, touching, stroking and petting...I even can like going down on her because there's an intimacy there as well and I guess hearing her communicating her feelings and stuff. However, I have a pretty limited reservoir of sexy that takes a good week to refill...in the best case scenarios.
I don't get much out of you know...climaxing... or you know...having my penis in her vagina, I actually find that bit of it rather well...boring. Climaxes happen...the nerves do their nerve things...I'm sure it feels good probably....but I've never experienced the real euphoria I've been told...exists.... The woman I'm attracted to, was a friend for a year or more before things transitioned into a more romantic relationship, which then took many months before it became a more intimate relationship and even then there were struggles because I just had so many insecurities, I'd never been with someone before, and didn't know what actually was supposed to happen...I watched porn yes...kinda out of curiosity but we all kinda get the sense that that doesn't represent...reality and well...yeah....I felt real anxious about things....sometimes still do.....
When in the middle of I guess the actual sex part of it...I guess I'm very focused on what she's communicating to me, and also trying to keep things...below the boiling point. Being male I feel sometimes muddles things with being Ace-adjacent even more because my body responds functionally to physical stimulation even if I'm mentally somewhere else...so apparent arousal and cognitive arousal sometimes become decoupled...Just because I have an erection, or even ejaculate, doesn't mean I'm...all for it, happening or having happened.
I guess I spend a lot of time just trying to be a good lover...I guess...administering to her, holding her, touching her, kissing her, normal stuff, and the like....on top of you know keeping tabs on what's going on with the undercarriage....I get excited because she's excited, and I won't lie her getting turned on does....spur my interests....but the morning after or later that day, I frankly don't have interest...and sometimes I can find the idea of it kinda...repellent, though I try to hide that because it can be an unfair mood whiplash for my partner.... It's very fickle on my end, and I try to make accommodations but...it can be exhausting. Like an introvert going to a party sort of exhausting. It drains my batteries pretty bad....and I can get kinda tetchy for a couple days afterwards...especially if she doesn't back down...which admittedly she's pretty good about me saying 'not today'...but sometimes she's more playful than I think she even intends and that can make me...irritable, but I try not to be...
But you know, never let anyone bully or guilt you into doing things you don't want to. That's gotta be rule one. If they're that hard up for an orgasm...they have a hand...they can buy toys....they can watch something particularly stimulating.....
