Am I overreacting?

[Dyspo Negero]

Am I wrong in this?

AITA, for being mad at him f**king his gf in the next room.

Now a little backstory, I am DL bi and no one knows exempt my maybe my (best) friend who might also be bi but with a girlfriend.
Now he might know that I am but he doesn’t know
That I know that he might be bi.
Now this friend as a girls friend but has been teasing me sexuallly through out, I take as joking but he really pushes the limit sometimes and it’s confusing seeing as if he is bi himself (he likes chicks with dicks)
On my side, I’m dying on the inside since I do like him but he has a girlfriend, I try to keep my cool and my distance and he himself might suspect I like him which why I felt like he didnt mention her around me, I felt he knew what was going on with me and pulled back with the girlfriend talk.
I do feel bad but it is gut wrenching to here about her mind you I had never had any romantic feeling for a guy so a lot is going on with me.
Now as time goes by, he starts to not pull his punches anymore and talks a little more about her, I die on the inside but it’s his right if he wants to talk about her, all the while still teasing me sexually, like dirty talk, groping,simulating felacio and so on.
I try to move on from from him by avoiding him and finding other girls to talk to but several times he has cockblocked me, almost like I wasn’t aloud to move on from liking him, I do greatly want a boyfriend and if I can deal with him I chose to move on.
Now this is where the problem begins, last Saturday I come and he asks me if I’m going to be him tonight and I tell him yes, he tells that he had plans to bring his girl him tonight, I tell him well I’m going to be here and so he doesn’t reply.
One thing I should mention is I’m currently sleeping on his couch, because we had plans to move out together, his room is a wall away so if he weren’t to do anything I would k kw about it, especially fucking.
Now I’m thinking ok, he is probably going to fuck her in his cad or something.
He comes home with her and teases me by talking dirty slightly and basically telling me to take a hike, I indirectly tell him that I don’t want to but I know that he knows that I’d be uncomfortable, I mean I can’t go to any other room except the one next to his room so naturally I’m not trying to hear anything (even knowing is bad enough) especially since in some level I do like him and genuinely it makes me uncomfortable.
Clearly he didn’t care, he went on to his business for 3 hours basically leaving me stranded with nothing to do.
The love that I had for him is basically gone, he didn’t have to come home with her and do that, he basically rubbed it in my face knowing I might like him and when I indirectly expressed to him that I’d be uncomfortable and he didn’t care, matter of fact, it felt like he was gloating.
So as it stands, I lost all love and respect for him, I wi t say hi, I won’t look him in the eye, I won’t talk to him and frankly I’m looking to get the fuck out as soon as possible and limit contact as much as I can, I’m not exactly an emotional guy but I have been having crying spells at random times( probably because if repressed emotion).
But am I wrong In feeling what I’m feeling, am I the asshole in this??

 

[TTB906]

I'm sorry to have to say this but I think you are (a little bit) the asshole here. Are you just mad because you weren't able to successfully cockblock him?

According to you he told you in advance that he was bringing his girl home. That's reasonable considering it's his place and you're crashing on his couch. You refused to clear out and give them some privacy (asshole move). A considerate houseguest would have made himself scarce.

FInd another place to live and do not move into another place with this guy. From what you say he sounds a bit sadistic, like he enjoys your discomfort and pain (asshole move on his part). Find better friends.

 

[Dyspo Negero]

I get what your saying and thought about it but no I don’t think I’m an asshole regarding me “cockblocking” him, did i want them to have sex; no, but if they are I dont want to be no where near it, im crashing at his place, i dont have a room where i can be in the meantime meaning i have to literally wait until they fisnished. They were there from 11pm to 1am.
Also the added factor that he may know I like him so

 

[Dyspo Negero]

Doing this had double effect, it’s not like I just really didn’t want him to have sex, it’ just doesn’t feel good physically and he knows this.
I get that he should be able to do what he wants with his girlfriend but if your friend is hurting (which I’m 90% sure that he knows) would you try to maybe pull you punches a bit just for your friends sake, I don’t know maybe that’s just me.
He has also cockblocked me at least two times both obviously and non obviously, so I really don’t feel bad about me “not clearing out” to his convience especially since he gave me this one and only space.
But personally, I’ve shed tears over this (which I never do much less for a guy) and I’m over it, I will be finding a place to stay immidiatly for my piece.

 

[TTB906]

I think we can agree that this guy has not been a very good friend to you. It hurts when you care for someone and those feelings are not returned. And worse when that person is unkind. You already know what you need to do next.

 

[thickcockjames]

Here’s what I’m getting from this, you are assuming he’s bi. Unless I missed it in your post, he has never come out and said that he is sexually attracted to men. You said he likes “chicks with dicks” but that doesn’t 100% mean someone is sexually attracted to men.

You are crashing on his couch, you are in his place, do you expect him to give up his own life because you’re on his couch? I’ve been in both situations there, I’ve been on the couch and let people crash on my couch. There is no entitlement given to the guy on the couch. Are you paying rent? I know you said that you two had plans to get a place, but that’s a risk you take.

I dunno, the number of these stories of men basically obsessing over their male friends who are not openly gay or bi seem like there is some sort of entitlement over their relationship how they are some kind of warden of your emotions. And the huge consistency is that a straight forward conversation about it never seems to occur. There’s a ton of assuming how someone else feels, then getting upset when you are wrong.

If you’re afraid of talking to him because you think it’ll ruin your relationship, well you now can’t even make eye contact and your inability to have an open honest conversation with your “best” friend is the real issue.

IMO, you have two choices. Sit your friend down, have an open and honest conversation about it. Express to him that you are bi, and that you find him attractive. It is not your place to push him into coming out in any way, if he feels comfortable enough to admit to your he’s bi (if he actually even is sexually attracted to men) then you’ll know. If he’s not then he won’t.

i feel for ya, i do because you’re clearly upset and I don’t want to sound callous but I also think that these situations are so easily avoidable by simply communicating. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, regardless of it being friendship or romantic or anywhere in between. You’re attempting to read his mind and you’re expecting him to read yours. It’s not a fair place to put him or you.

 

[Dyspo Negero]

Here’s what I’m getting from this, you are assuming he’s bi. Unless I missed it in your post, he has never come out and said that he is sexually attracted to men. You said he likes “chicks with dicks” but that doesn’t 100% mean someone is sexually attracted to men.

You are crashing on his couch, you are in his place, do you expect him to give up his own life because you’re on his couch? I’ve been in both situations there, I’ve been on the couch and let people crash on my couch. There is no entitlement given to the guy on the couch. Are you paying rent? I know you said that you two had plans to get a place, but that’s a risk you take.

I dunno, the number of these stories of men basically obsessing over their male friends who are not openly gay or bi seem like there is some sort of entitlement over their relationship how they are some kind of warden of your emotions. And the huge consistency is that a straight forward conversation about it never seems to occur. There’s a ton of assuming how someone else feels, then getting upset when you are wrong.

If you’re afraid of talking to him because you think it’ll ruin your relationship, well you now can’t even make eye contact and your inability to have an open honest conversation with your “best” friend is the real issue.

IMO, you have two choices. Sit your friend down, have an open and honest conversation about it. Express to him that you are bi, and that you find him attractive. It is not your place to push him into coming out in any way, if he feels comfortable enough to admit to your he’s bi (if he actually even is sexually attracted to men) then you’ll know. If he’s not then he won’t.

i feel for ya, i do because you’re clearly upset and I don’t want to sound callous but I also think that these situations are so easily avoidable by simply communicating. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, regardless of it being friendship or romantic or anywhere in between. You’re attempting to read his mind and you’re expecting him to read yours. It’s not a fair place to put him or you.

Honestly I get what your saying, I really do be wanting to communicate with him but one, this is a conversation where I’m really going to have to talk to him openly and revel some stuff that I’m not ready to reveal which is the bi part, I wouldn’t have mind communicating that if I knew for sure we were in the same boat, which we are not.
Then the added effect of I feel like he may know already but he may be looking for confirmation which makes me feel like that was the whole reason why he wanted to play these games, I can get over him not wanting me or being straight, what I can’t get over is him knowing where I stand and playing these sexual games (mind you I told you that I sent him some (not so straight) porn one time and he has on multiple occasions hinted at him knowing I might be bi, so why would you then play these sexual games with someone that is bi as a straight dude with the added effect that he does like chicks with dicks. What I take away from this is that you are either bi too and u want to play or you are straight cruel to your best friend.

As for the couch thing, I do pay rent, quite a lot actually but that doesn’t change the fact that a heads up would of been nice and maybe try not to spend 3h having sex in thin wall next to where I sleep, I don’t want to hear that and like I said he can do what he wants but it’s highly inconsiderate of him to do that knowing that 1. I might like him and 2. Knowing I’m uncomfortable with that, I didn’t he couldn’t have sex with her. I actually know when he does (he would sneak blankets and pillows to his car and leave) so yes I would know when he’s having sex, although it did hurt in the past, i was mostly over it but for him to rub in my face like that, knowing what he knows and the fact that I was uncomfortable and the fact that he was grinning when I obviously wasn’t. He knew what he was doing (personally I think it is revenge because I was avoiding him like plague the whole week in an attempt to get over him and this situation) but he has now made it worse and I have not stopped avoiding him and trust him way less now.

For me as it stands rn, his actions do not scream “you can trust me with anything and we can work it out” (funny enough he has complained about that).
I would love to have a convo with him but I also have my ego as a man, if I knew for sure it would have to be mutual idk. Him telling me that he’s bi would be great but I don’t want to push him to do it. I want to leave him alone and move on but if I talk to other girls while he’s around, it seems he would get jealous and try to cockblock me (on 2 occasions), if I were to hang out with other friends, he would make jealous passive aggressive comments, if I would pay him dust in a desperate attempt to move on he would sometime pull the sexual shenanigans, at this point I just want to know if he likes me or not or if he just wants Controle. I just do t see anyone having to stoop so low for fun.

Me personally I would encourage my friend expending his horizons if I knew that he had unrequited feelings for me but it seems like anytime I am determined to move on, he brings me right back either by soliciting negative jealous reactions on purpose with comments and ect.. or his sexual shenanigans.
If I had feeling for someone and I couldn’t explore them, I would similar to how he moves but idk and idc, I am over it, I’m gonna leave him alone and pay less attention to him and more to my needs and maybe this will go away.

 

[thickcockjames]

For argument sake, let’s say he does know you’re bi. And let’s say he is also in to men. (As I said, a man can be into trans porn and not be into men) It sounds to me like his behavior towards you is that of a buddy razzing his buddy. Straight guys do a lot of “gay” stuff in the name of teasing one another. It’s an odd confused expression of friendship I suppose.

My thought is to still have a forthright conversation about it with him or learn to let it go. If you’re not ready to be out as bi, that’s completely understandable, but it feels a lot like you’re projecting some of your insecurities about your own situation on to him. (At least a little bit)

I wish you the best, I really do. I hope you can get it sorted one way or another that leaves you in a good place.