Am I the crazy one, even after nearly a decade 😂

[deleted3232621]

Okay, so this is a story from nearly a decade ago. I’ve completely moved on from it—I’m genuinely okay now, and it doesn’t haunt me or anything. But after reading the posts in reddit about wild and toxic dating situations, I started reflecting on this experience. It made me wonder: *Was I the one who was in the wrong?* Or was my reaction back then justified? I’d love to hear your objective thoughts on this because honestly, I can’t stop thinking about it now.

Here’s what happened.

I’ve always been a straightforward person when it comes to dating. I’m all in, no games. I’m not someone who dates multiple people at the same time—I give my undivided attention, and I expect the same in return. That doesn’t mean I demand instant exclusivity, but at the very least, I want mutual respect and effort. If things don’t work out, no hard feelings. But while we’re figuring things out, I want to feel like we’re both genuinely invested.

Enter James.

Back then, James was charming, athletic, and charismatic—the kind of guy who could turn heads just by walking into a room. We’d been seeing each other for a little while, and things seemed to be going well. One evening, he invited me over to his flat to cook together. I’m naturally introverted and a little shy around new people, but I was excited to spend time with him.

James lived with three other people, one of whom was a girl—let’s call her Sophia. She was beautiful, confident, and effortlessly social. At the time, I didn’t feel insecure about her. She seemed cool, and I wasn’t paying her much attention.

When I arrived, Sophia and her date were hanging out in the kitchen, laughing and chatting. James and I waited in the living room for them to finish up so we could start cooking. After a bit, I suggested we just head in and get started. James agreed, so we joined them in the kitchen.

That’s when things started feeling… off.

Sophia’s date left to use the bathroom, leaving just the three of us in the kitchen. Almost immediately, James and Sophia started chatting like old friends. They were talking about fitness—a shared interest of theirs since James is an athlete—and I stood there feeling more and more like a third wheel. Then Sophia said something that caught me completely off guard:

“Your body is sexy, James.”

She said it in a flirty way, and what stung even more was James’s reaction. He smiled, thanked her, and kept the conversation flowing like it was no big deal. Meanwhile, I was standing there, cooking, feeling invisible and humiliated. He didn’t even glance at me. It felt like I wasn’t even in the room.

I didn’t know how to react. Part of me wanted to call it out, but another part of me didn’t want to make a scene. I decided to stay quiet and try to keep my composure. Sophia’s date eventually came back, and she left the flat with him shortly after.

I thought maybe things would improve after she left, but they didn’t. I was still feeling off, and James picked up on it. Instead of addressing it or asking what was wrong, he suddenly said he wasn’t in the mood to hang out anymore. He drove me to the train station that night, leaving me feeling confused and hurt.

For the next three days, I didn’t reach out. I needed time to process everything. Finally, I caved and texted him, asking if he was okay. His response crushed me:

“Oh, I’m good. Just watching a movie with Sophia.”

That text hit me like a ton of bricks. It felt like a slap in the face. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d just been a pawn in some unspoken dynamic between James and Sophia. Were they flirting for sport? Was I just collateral damage?

Looking back now, I can confidently say I’ve moved on. This happened nearly a decade ago, and it doesn’t weigh on me anymore. But after reading all these Reddit posts about people’s dating experiences—some of them absolutely wild—I started reflecting on this situation and wondering:

*Was I overreacting back then?*

I’m not bitter about it. I don’t lose sleep over it. But I do think back and question myself: Was I too sensitive? Was it normal for James to act that way? Or was it actually disrespectful, and my feelings were valid?

What do you guys think? I’m looking for honest, objective opinions here. Am I just tripping? Or was there some legitimacy to my feelings?

 

[Rooker]

Yes, you overreacted.

 

[Osamasclips]

I hear you, and I’m glad you’ve moved past it, but I totally get why it’s been on your mind after all this time.

From an objective standpoint, I don’t think you were overreacting. Your feelings were completely valid. In any budding relationship, there’s an unspoken expectation of mutual respect, even if exclusivity hasn’t been explicitly established yet. James’s reaction to Sophia’s comment crossed a line not because he can’t have friends of the opposite sex, but because he allowed a flirty, inappropriate comment to slide in front of you.
It’s not about controlling how he interacts with others, but about the fact that he didn’t acknowledge your presence or consider how that situation might make you feel. His indifference afterward, especially mentioning Sophia in the follow-up text, was emotionally tone-deaf at best and dismissive at worst. That kind of behaviour naturally triggers a sense of insecurity and discomfort, and it’s not unreasonable to expect more awareness from someone you’re dating.
You handled it maturely by taking space instead of reacting impulsively. But his decision to withdraw and hang out with Sophia instead of communicating with you clearly shows a lack of investment or respect for your feelings. You dodged a bullet. It wasn’t about being too sensitive—this was about recognizing patterns of behavior that signal how someone might treat you long-term.

[My Personal Take]:

Look, you’re not tripping. James was kind of a tool here. Even if Sophia was naturally flirty, he didn’t have to play into it like that, especially with you standing right there. He could’ve redirected or laughed it off in a way that made you feel secure, but he chose not to. That’s a red flag waving like it’s trying to get your attention. And the “watching a movie with Sophia” text? Yeah, that wasn’t an accident. It feels like he wanted to get a reaction out of you or lowkey let you know where you stood in his priority list.
Honestly, you did the right thing by walking away. Relationships are about mutual energy and effort, and if someone isn’t willing to match that, why waste your time? If anything, you learned something valuable next time, you’ll spot this behavior from a mile away.
So no, you weren’t wrong. You were tuned in. And if James ever slides into your DMs trying to rekindle that flame? Leave him on read.

 

[Black TinTin]

I hear you, and I’m glad you’ve moved past it, but I totally get why it’s been on your mind after all this time.

From an objective standpoint, I don’t think you were overreacting. Your feelings were completely valid. In any budding relationship, there’s an unspoken expectation of mutual respect, even if exclusivity hasn’t been explicitly established yet. James’s reaction to Sophia’s comment crossed a line not because he can’t have friends of the opposite sex, but because he allowed a flirty, inappropriate comment to slide in front of you.
It’s not about controlling how he interacts with others, but about the fact that he didn’t acknowledge your presence or consider how that situation might make you feel. His indifference afterward, especially mentioning Sophia in the follow-up text, was emotionally tone-deaf at best and dismissive at worst. That kind of behaviour naturally triggers a sense of insecurity and discomfort, and it’s not unreasonable to expect more awareness from someone you’re dating.
You handled it maturely by taking space instead of reacting impulsively. But his decision to withdraw and hang out with Sophia instead of communicating with you clearly shows a lack of investment or respect for your feelings. You dodged a bullet. It wasn’t about being too sensitive—this was about recognizing patterns of behavior that signal how someone might treat you long-term.

[My Personal Take]:

Look, you’re not tripping. James was kind of a tool here. Even if Sophia was naturally flirty, he didn’t have to play into it like that, especially with you standing right there. He could’ve redirected or laughed it off in a way that made you feel secure, but he chose not to. That’s a red flag waving like it’s trying to get your attention. And the “watching a movie with Sophia” text? Yeah, that wasn’t an accident. It feels like he wanted to get a reaction out of you or lowkey let you know where you stood in his priority list.
Honestly, you did the right thing by walking away. Relationships are about mutual energy and effort, and if someone isn’t willing to match that, why waste your time? If anything, you learned something valuable next time, you’ll spot this behavior from a mile away.
So no, you weren’t wrong. You were tuned in. And if James ever slides into your DMs trying to rekindle that flame? Leave him on read.

Smiling and thanking her is not exactly playing along.

 

[Black TinTin]

You overreacted and you underreacted. I think you overreacted about his interactions with Sophia. It seem harmless. What you should have had an issue with is him ending the date early because he wasn't in the mood. That train ride should have been spent blocking him on everything.

 

[newfam]

You overreacted and you underreacted. I think you overreacted about his interactions with Sophia. It seem harmless. What you should have had an issue with is him ending the date early because he wasn't in the mood. That train ride should have been spent blocking him on everything.

This is exactly what I was just thinking!

@Sam66 I think @Black TinTin is right. Like maybe you overreacted to them harmlessly flirting, but the weird part for me is him picking up on your feeling left out and deciding "Welp! That's it no more hanging out, let me take you to the train station" like wtf? That is just rude and inconsiderate if you ask me.

 

[Scorpiokink86]

Okay, so this is a story from nearly a decade ago. I’ve completely moved on from it—I’m genuinely okay now, and it doesn’t haunt me or anything. But after reading the posts in reddit about wild and toxic dating situations, I started reflecting on this experience. It made me wonder: *Was I the one who was in the wrong?* Or was my reaction back then justified? I’d love to hear your objective thoughts on this because honestly, I can’t stop thinking about it now.

Here’s what happened.

I’ve always been a straightforward person when it comes to dating. I’m all in, no games. I’m not someone who dates multiple people at the same time—I give my undivided attention, and I expect the same in return. That doesn’t mean I demand instant exclusivity, but at the very least, I want mutual respect and effort. If things don’t work out, no hard feelings. But while we’re figuring things out, I want to feel like we’re both genuinely invested.

Enter James.

Back then, James was charming, athletic, and charismatic—the kind of guy who could turn heads just by walking into a room. We’d been seeing each other for a little while, and things seemed to be going well. One evening, he invited me over to his flat to cook together. I’m naturally introverted and a little shy around new people, but I was excited to spend time with him.

James lived with three other people, one of whom was a girl—let’s call her Sophia. She was beautiful, confident, and effortlessly social. At the time, I didn’t feel insecure about her. She seemed cool, and I wasn’t paying her much attention.

When I arrived, Sophia and her date were hanging out in the kitchen, laughing and chatting. James and I waited in the living room for them to finish up so we could start cooking. After a bit, I suggested we just head in and get started. James agreed, so we joined them in the kitchen.

That’s when things started feeling… off.

Sophia’s date left to use the bathroom, leaving just the three of us in the kitchen. Almost immediately, James and Sophia started chatting like old friends. They were talking about fitness—a shared interest of theirs since James is an athlete—and I stood there feeling more and more like a third wheel. Then Sophia said something that caught me completely off guard:

“Your body is sexy, James.”

She said it in a flirty way, and what stung even more was James’s reaction. He smiled, thanked her, and kept the conversation flowing like it was no big deal. Meanwhile, I was standing there, cooking, feeling invisible and humiliated. He didn’t even glance at me. It felt like I wasn’t even in the room.

I didn’t know how to react. Part of me wanted to call it out, but another part of me didn’t want to make a scene. I decided to stay quiet and try to keep my composure. Sophia’s date eventually came back, and she left the flat with him shortly after.

I thought maybe things would improve after she left, but they didn’t. I was still feeling off, and James picked up on it. Instead of addressing it or asking what was wrong, he suddenly said he wasn’t in the mood to hang out anymore. He drove me to the train station that night, leaving me feeling confused and hurt.

For the next three days, I didn’t reach out. I needed time to process everything. Finally, I caved and texted him, asking if he was okay. His response crushed me:

“Oh, I’m good. Just watching a movie with Sophia.”

That text hit me like a ton of bricks. It felt like a slap in the face. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d just been a pawn in some unspoken dynamic between James and Sophia. Were they flirting for sport? Was I just collateral damage?

Looking back now, I can confidently say I’ve moved on. This happened nearly a decade ago, and it doesn’t weigh on me anymore. But after reading all these Reddit posts about people’s dating experiences—some of them absolutely wild—I started reflecting on this situation and wondering:

*Was I overreacting back then?*

I’m not bitter about it. I don’t lose sleep over it. But I do think back and question myself: Was I too sensitive? Was it normal for James to act that way? Or was it actually disrespectful, and my feelings were valid?

What do you guys think? I’m looking for honest, objective opinions here. Am I just tripping? Or was there some legitimacy to my feelings?

Hey there!

Honest, I think there was a bit of overreaction there. Maybe they're natural flirty but not in a sexual way, maybe their confidence with each other to say things like that grew since they're roommates... it happens when you share a space with someone you get along with. But the feeling of third wheel is awful, I know, maybe he should've include you a little bit more, since you don't know the girl.

And the text, mentioning Sophia I guess he did it because you met her already, not to hurt you. Especially if you didn't discuss how you felt.

The driving you to the station was a dick move if you ask me "not in the mood anymore, bye" WHat?!
Not even "hey i'm not feeling well", no, "not in the mood to hang out anymore"? Damn, not cool at all.