Annoying behaviors of straight men towards gay men?

[Southeasterner]

There has already been a thread asking about what behaviors of gays are considered annoying by straight people. My question is: what behaviors of straight people do you think gays consider annoying?

It is a legitimate question, because if gays should learn how not to bother straight people, straight people should learn how not to bother gays. I am curious to see the answers because it is a question that invites reflection from straight people in relation to gays.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Personally I've seen gay men get annoyed with straight mens propensity for disrespecting or questioning a gay man's masculinity based purely upon his sexual preference...but to be fair, socially, or at least publicly, womens labeling(and often gay mens self affirmation) of gay men as one of the "girls", or as "safer" men is probably a big reason why that dynamic exists

 

[ronin001]

Not really a fair question, as the vast majority of people, have no idea their actions are annoying to others.

A bad driver, who speeds and weaves in and out of traffic, to me is a jerk. But to himself / herself they are OK.

 

[Rooker]

I feel like it’s annoying to ask questions about the non-sexual masculine/feminine dynamic, so I don’t unless we’re really close friends.

I’m curious by how they negotiate platonic/romantic relationships. I wonder how challenging it is to read the room and find other gay people.

But I feel like it’s annoying so I don’t ask.

 

[thickcockjames]

I think this should be in the “ask a gay man” forum. Since the question is unanswerable by a straight man.

 

[cofrader]

if gays should learn how not to bother straight people, straight people should learn how not to bother gays

I see your point we were asked what was annoying and was answered by each individual, but you consider that answer as an imposition to gay and you want to impose us some things to be fair.
No answer means an imposition if it's useful is information, if not is data.
Actually considering the repetition of the same questions i guess people don't read the answers of focus on what they want to see.
There was a question there was an an answer, that's great especially when the answer wasn't what you expect to get.
On real life i can only distinguish gay men if they are very flamboyant, the ones who behave neutral I would assume they are straight unless they present their husband or share that information.

 

[Southeasterner]

Personally I've seen gay men get annoyed with straight mens propensity for disrespecting or questioning a gay man's masculinity based purely upon his sexual preference...but to be fair, socially, or at least publicly, womens labeling(and often gay mens self affirmation) of gay men as one of the "girls", or as "safer" men is probably a big reason why that dynamic exists

Thank you for your answer!

Exactly. I don't like being called a "girl" because I'm not one. I'm a gay man who happens to be effeminate, but that doesn't make me a woman and I don't want to be one, even though I respect, love and live surrounded by women.

Regarding the masculinity of gay men, it is biological because they are men. In my case, I also express my feminine side more spontaneously and I realize that society expects straight men to adopt a rigid posture. I have straight friends who have difficulty expressing emotions because they were raised with the idea that "men don't cry".

 

[Southeasterner]

Not really a fair question, as the vast majority of people, have no idea their actions are annoying to others.

A bad driver, who speeds and weaves in and out of traffic, to me is a jerk. But to himself / herself they are OK.

Thank you for the answer!

I asked the question to provoke reflection.

I really liked the thread posted in this section by a gay man who asked straight men what they considered annoying gay behavior. I read the answers carefully and agreed with some of the comments.

 

[Southeasterner]

I feel like it’s annoying to ask questions about the non-sexual masculine/feminine dynamic, so I don’t unless we’re really close friends.

I’m curious by how they negotiate platonic/romantic relationships. I wonder how challenging it is to read the room and find other gay people.

But I feel like it’s annoying so I don’t ask.

Thank you for your answer!

In my opinion, it´s annoying and rude to ask who is the "woman" in the relationship, since it is a relationship between men. I know that some men want to know who is penetrating and who is being penetrated, but gay relationships don't always work that way. Even among close friends, I don't think it's a good question, unless the person asking is also gay, but then it would still be an indiscreet question and, for me, unpleasant.

I can't speak for other gays, so I'll talk about my experience. I don't negotiate platonic relationships. They stay platonic and sometimes turn into friendship and then the sexual interest totally disappears and there's only admiration for the person.

It's not just the fear of rejection, it's also the fear of being inconvenient/disrespectful and even suffering physical violence. Some straight men deal well with a compliment from a gay man, laughing or thinking it's good for their ego, but others get furious because they think the gay man thinks he's talking to an equal or inviting them to have sex.

 

[Southeasterner]

I think this should be in the “ask a gay man” forum. Since the question is unanswerable by a straight man.

Thank you for the answer!

 

[Southeasterner]

I see your point we were asked what was annoying and was answered by each individual, but you consider that answer as an imposition to gay and you want to impose us some things to be fair.
No answer means an imposition if it's useful is information, if not is data.
Actually considering the repetition of the same questions i guess people don't read the answers of focus on what they want to see.
There was a question there was an an answer, that's great especially when the answer wasn't what you expect to get.
On real life i can only distinguish gay men if they are very flamboyant, the ones who behave neutral I would assume they are straight unless they present their husband or share that information.

Thank you for your answer!

I didn't read the answers as impositions, nor do I intend to impose anything. I asked out of curiosity, to hear different opinions.

I agree that the repetition of certain questions is tiring. I don't know if it's just people wanting to hear certain things... To me, it sounds like misinformation, because as a gay man, I've already answered certain types of questions to countless straight men. I already know more or less what they're going to ask me.

I see myself as effeminate, but I've been approached for date by about three women at different stages of my life and I was surprised, because, to me, it's obvious that I'm gay. In any case, I politely declined their interest, so as not to hurt their feelings.

 

[cofrader]

what behaviors of straight people do you think gays consider annoying?

Back to your question if I can't identify effectively a group of people how can I classify the annoyed people that i remember and give you an answer.

Actually you being hitted by 3 woman considering that woman are more aware of details makes my point it's impossible to answer.
Sidenote if only 3 made the move on you perhaps many more wondered about your orientation.

I guess I annoyed all orientations by not being puntual, but I'm not the "lie to me" guy reading micro expression.

I don't have your prediction powers and i can't read minds.

What annoys you about the people you identify as straight?

 

[Southeasterner]

Back to your question if I can't identify effectively a group of people how can I classify the annoyed people that i remember and give you an answer.

Actually you being hitted by 3 woman considering that woman are more aware of details makes my point it's impossible to answer.
Sidenote if only 3 made the move on you perhaps many more wondered about your orientation.

I guess I annoyed all orientations by not being puntual, but I'm not the "lie to me" guy reading micro expression.

I don't have your prediction powers and i can't read minds.

What annoys you about the people you identify as straight?

Thank you for your answer!

I cited some examples above, but something that annoys me about is that straight people (not all, of course) presume that I´m promiscuous/kinky just because I´m gay.

Another annoying thing: some straight men think that if they are left without a woman for some reason, in the absence of an option I will accept an invitation because "gays are always available for sex".

A third thing, which is annoying and harmful: straight men who play mind games with gays to get some kind of benefit. I think that's scoundrel behavior.

 

[cofrader]

Thank you for your answer!

I cited some examples above, but something that annoys me about is that straight people (not all, of course) presume that I´m promiscuous/kinky just because I´m gay.

Another annoying thing: some straight men think that if they are left without a woman for some reason, in the absence of an option I will accept an invitation because "gays are always available for sex".

A third thing, which is annoying and harmful: straight men who play mind games with gays to get some kind of benefit. I think that's scoundrel behavior.

I was expecting not leaving a tank you note or calling back.
( Sorry for jocking , back on serious mode )
I sexually I have no use for a man, I guess that is what straight is even if I haven't sex for years i would refuse the gift of a man.
I guess you encountered bi and deep closet gay men who built a family around or just give it as an excuse for transactional sex.
I would recommend you to have more self respect and don't get involved with people who can't or don't want to commit with you.
Thank you for sharing i hope you find someone for you.

 

[Rooker]

Thank you for your answer!

In my opinion, it´s annoying and rude to ask who is the "woman" in the relationship, since it is a relationship between men. I know that some men want to know who is penetrating and who is being penetrated, but gay relationships don't always work that way. Even among close friends, I don't think it's a good question, unless the person

I get it, that’s why I don’t ask. But I do want to make it clear I am not interested in the who is prenetrating who aspect, more the way a couple balances masculine/feminine roles outside the bedroom when both are masculine or feminine.

 

[Southeasterner]

I get it, that’s why I don’t ask. But I do want to make it clear I am not interested in the who is prenetrating who aspect, more the way a couple balances masculine/feminine roles outside the bedroom when both are masculine or feminine.

Thank you for explaining your doubt!

The balance between the so-called feminine and masculine roles is the same as the balance in heterosexual relationships: it depends on aptitude and/or need. It may happen that everything is shared or that tasks are divided according to personal aptitudes.

In a male-female relationship in which the man is a Chef and the woman is an electrician, the man will probably do most of the cooking and the woman will usually be in charge of the electrical and/or electronic repairs in the house.

In a male-male relationship in which one man is an interior decorator and the other is a plumber, the decorator will probably organize the decoration part and the plumber will be in charge of the plumbing repairs in the house, but this does not mean that one cannot participate in the other's activities, just like in a heterosexual relationship. It is the same. People imagine that it will be something completely different, when in fact it is more of the same, but with two men.