Anyone else out of a lomg term relationship?

[Vastian]

So little backstory.(if you saw my other post it might have shown up)

Dating a guy for 10 years. Met him when I was 24 and he was 36 at the time it started. It had it's very extreme ups and downs. We have an uneasy trust these days 4 years later.

Just curious how it's going for others who were in a similar situation.
How's the relationship afterwards if any?
And mostly how are you navigating a world where everything is different since the last time you were single. Both superficially and in depth.

 

[playklax01]

I was in a relationship from 1996 to 2018, married from 2004. Things were ok for the most part, but near the end he was just constantly cheating along with discovering a hidden kink he was totally into (pup play). He wanted me to join him in that, it could have saved and healed things, but I just wasn't into it. No judgement, I'm not a prude, just wasn't my thing and I didn't want to lead him on and pretend it was. So we separated and later divorced in 2020.

We're still friendly and share custody of a dog, go to dinner occasionally, cordial stuff.

He found some other kinks he's into, and that actually I wouldn't mind being part of. I'm like "Why didn't you mention these before?! It could have made a big difference with things." But to be fair, I didn't know they existed until after he discovered them, so we were both unaware.

I've been single af since 2018 and have no idea how to navigate the waters today. Back then ('96) there were gay clubs everywhere (Boston area), but now there's only a limited few, and they're a different kind of atmosphere than they were. People don't seem to like when you approach them today, they get kinda freaked, at least in my experience. I'm definitely not a troll, so no idea when that all started. I don't know what to do today. Apps are typically useless, too many fakes.

But really, I'm ok being single and living alone. I don't miss sex much, I'm demisexual so I'm not into hookups or randos. And when I think about it...I really don't want to live with someone again. I like my privacy even though it does get lonely or boring sometimes. Having someone here 24/7 again, I don't know if I can handle that.

 

[Vastian]

I was in a relationship from 1996 to 2018, married from 2004. Things were ok for the most part, but near the end he was just constantly cheating along with discovering a hidden kink he was totally into (pup play). He wanted me to join him in that, it could have saved and healed things, but I just wasn't into it. No judgement, I'm not a prude, just wasn't my thing and I didn't want to lead him on and pretend it was. So we separated and later divorced in 2020.

We're still friendly and share custody of a dog, go to dinner occasionally, cordial stuff.

He found some other kinks he's into, and that actually I wouldn't mind being part of. I'm like "Why didn't you mention these before?! It could have made a big difference with things." But to be fair, I didn't know they existed until after he discovered them, so we were both unaware.

I've been single af since 2018 and have no idea how to navigate the waters today. Back then ('96) there were gay clubs everywhere (Boston area), but now there's only a limited few, and they're a different kind of atmosphere than they were. People don't seem to like when you approach them today, they get kinda freaked, at least in my experience. I'm definitely not a troll, so no idea when that all started. I don't know what to do today. Apps are typically useless, too many fakes.

But really, I'm ok being single and living alone. I don't miss sex much, I'm demisexual so I'm not into hookups or randos. And when I think about it...I really don't want to live with someone again. I like my privacy even though it does get lonely or boring sometimes. Having someone here 24/7 again, I don't know if I can handle that.

Several points i feel for here.

My partner at the time didn't have many "kinks." Not anything I assume is out of the ordinary. Usually just sex, but made use of a sling now and then. Sex in the car and such. Nothing crazy.

Honestly used to get super mad because when he would sleep around he'd lie about it. And I came in to the relationship with the whole "if you want to step out, or when traveling want to have fun. I'm not crazy about it...I'll probably be a little disgruntled at times. But honesty is key. With the understanding that if you step out then it may be rare but I'll step out here and there too.
I did my dues and explored many expierences. There are a few things I tried and just not my thing. Didn't want restrain his explorations but. The lieing even when caught was shity.

Have to say not really into meeting new people these days. Not because a feeling of people suck or anything like that. But mostly because being older amd doing my own thing for awhile...I kinda like it. A partner would be nice but I want to keep my schedule and system. Like my last ex was a good guy but we broke up because he always wanted to go out and shop or to events. Not a bad thing at all but I really like coming home after work and relaxing. Going to a friend's BBQ now and then.