Ask a woman -vs- women's issues

[deleted924715]

What I'm asking, is why dignify them with a response?

And I think what the ladies are asking (although I can only speak for myself) is why are women being singled out?

There is plenty of hostility between male members when it comes to what a straight man will/won't do or size claims of members who refuse to post measurement pics, or post measurement pics that someone else doesn't deem acceptable, or porn scenes that aren't rough enough for a particular thread etc.

Yet only women have a thread telling them if they can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all.

The reaction I have to a thread starting "I know bigger is better", "what size..." , "why do women" etc is the same as some of the straight guys who respond to threads asking them under what circumstances they would accept a blow job from a dude, or the reaction of the fanatical guys who practically have a stroke when a new guy claims to be ten inches, or says they have seen a twelve incher in person.

If you have to agree with an OP to respond then:
a) you will have a very quiet forum and
b) you'd better let the guys know too, because they certainly aren't complying with this requirement either

 

[novice_btm]

And I think what the ladies are asking (although I can only speak for myself) is why are women being singled out?

Couple things...

The male equivalent to this are all of my posts in the Do straight guys let another guy blow them? I ask the identical question there, and go further, where I call them out, and name names.

A great deal of my point of reference comes from being a Mod, and what gets reported. Purely as a statement of numbers, "Ask a ..." related reports have the highest incidence, by far, and of those, the majority are Ask a Woman. Guys might be having multitudes more public spats, but they're not reporting them as much, if they are.

 

[Pandora77]

The "creepy bastard" was banned right away and his posts were removed in the process (which usually happens now when somone is banned).
But the Mods were accused of removing his posts so nobody would see evidence anymore of what a dick and creepy he was and that we did NOT ban him.
Banned user names are now crossed through.
But I am not sure if Non Mods can see that or not.
Maybe some people here should stop jumping to conclusions sometime.
For example when you tell a member to tone it down a notch after several reports have come in regarding their behaviour and they have been attacking people in chat for no reason as well, but then go around telling everybody they were treated unfair by the Mods cause they are female and recieved an Official Warning over nothing, when they NEVER did recieve a Warning of any sort.

 

[deleted924715]

Couple things...

The male equivalent to this are all of my posts in the Do straight guys let another guy blow them? I ask the identical question there, and go further, where I call them out, and name names.

A great deal of my point of reference comes from being a Mod, and what gets reported. Purely as a statement of numbers, "Ask a ..." related reports have the highest incidence, by far, and of those, the majority are Ask a Woman. Guys might be having multitudes more public spats, but they're not reporting them as much, if they are.

Fair enough... but that wasn't the only example, the mode of expression really isn't the same and the point is parity. Personally, I think 'calling out' is preferable. It's treating a person as an individual and is transparent. It 'airs' the issue in the open and allows for rebuttal. The OP is out in the open, which is better than the threatening behind the scenes 'play nice' warnings, but treats women as either an homogenous group or sheep. 'Cronies' implies a biased view. You appear to have posted in this thread as a mod rather than a member - I hope you brandish the same authority in those other threads because I'd guess at least a couple of women feel too cautious to respond to this one. I had to think twice because I too have had a warning which felt very heavy-handed. But at the end of the day, if I get banned for this, so be it - you instigated the topic and it's pointless being a member of a forum where you aren't allowed to post.

The Ask a Woman forum is surely bound to have more reports because of the numbers involved? There are more threads, more men to ask women than there are women to ask men... and some women have been told not to respond but to report. To then complain about the reports seems like moving the goal posts. I sympathise if over-reporting is causing extra work, but I find it hard to believe that hoards of women are over-reporting, there aren't that many on the site. If there are a handful doing it, why not treat them as individuals and ask them to only report a thread once?

I understand that you don't think it is, I really do, but this whole thing is sexist. This is why I did want to respond rather than ignore and move on. I know my post won't make a difference, but I feel better for saying it. Which may in fact answer your question *shrug*

 

[novice_btm]

Unfortunately, I think it's still the case, although I've reported it a couple times, that only Mods can see the strikethrough in a user's name. It's unfortunate, because Members will find an old post, and report/complain, "How can you let this <whatever> be on the site?" When in fact, as in a recent case, the Member had been banned over a year ago. Back in '06, "I WAS BANNED" in bold, red letters appeared under their names. I actually miss that.

Under the new system, banning is a... "sore spot" for Mods, at the moment. That's all I should/can/will say about it.

As Pandora pointed out, the assumptions made about the Mods, are ...and I know this sounds horrible, but they're nearly comical, at times.

 

[Pandora77]

It was me that said: Report a post, instead of attacking the guy for posting it in the wrong forum.
For example when a guy posts a thread here with a pic of his penis asking: What do you think of my dick?
Several women here will jump down the guy's throat, downright attack him for posting in the wrong forum.
He might be new, he might now know the Rules (yet).
So yes, in this case, just don't reply to him and report it. When I get to reports like this, I always move it.
Cause the Rules of "Ask a Woman" have said from the beginning: Threads/Posts that belonw in Show Off will be moved there.

Sometimes though I have a feeling it's Moderators vs Members on here.
You do your job as a Moderator here but then you get attacked and told you are on a power trip.
When you tell a member to post in a less agressive manner, to avoid having them reported more or you try to avoid them getting a Warning by keeping it up, lies get spread, you get a ccused of banning members you never have.
You get accused of being oh so mean to the Women here. Threads get started to have shit thrown at you, the person starts e-mailing and telling others, whether they want tohear it or not ,in chat what a mean and unfair person you are and how they can no longer be your friend. Things get exaggerated and a simple "Tone it down a Notch" message becomes an "Official Warning".
As a Moderator on here you can just never please everybody.

 

[novice_btm]

My fav is the "power trip" accusation. First, again, it's a team. Unless it's an entirely inconsequential and mundane task, we do them all by vote. We call each other out on issues, or if we think there is any overstepping. Second, under the new site's format, we have maybe, MAYBE, half the actual "power" that we previously had.

 

[693987]

It was specified as an official warning. I asked for an example of where I was being "aggressive", for CLARIFICATION so that my behavior could be modified, and felt like it was brushed off, and I got treated like I was trying to instigate an argument. I think it's pretty reasonable to ask for clarification. I never thought it had diddly to do with me being a female.

My overall responses when dudes have posted dick pics in AaW has been polite. I am a blunt person and I happen to just by nature of my personality/etc cuss a fair bit. I generally try very hard not to actually insult anyone/call anyone names, other than the example I keep bringing up of said creepy bastard. Before being told to just report the dick pics in AaW, it was not uncommon for me to say something along the lines of "hey, as a heads up this kind of thing is generally frowned upon in this section, over here is Show Off where it's embraced". Olawdy, the horror. Since it was specifically said hey, don't respond at all and just report it... guess what I've done? I've done exactly as was requested, because I generally do my best to follow rules. Since knowing the way that a mod would prefer it be handled, I've had zero problem acquiescing.

I felt, and still feel that it was an overreaction/unnecessary thing to get an official warning and then be left with no examples of where I was in the wrong. For all that some individuals on here outright say they would inflict or want to inflict violence or make actual personal insults against someone, my blunt approach to things and cussing seems pretty darned mild. I've even worked to tone down my cussing, so that people would hopefully not misinterpret things I say.

As for creepy bastard, pretty sure homebody had a chance to post something else in AaW before the ban took place, which led to me thinking he had not in fact been banned. I in fact said that something well may have happened afterwards, that I didn't know.

Nope. Dude posted shortly after that thread got locked/went poof in AaW and seemed shocked people weren't wanting to play. So unless something happened since then, homeboy didn't get banned.

 

[Pandora77]

Ask any other Mod or Rob if there are any Warnings on your profile or any Notes. Zero.
Saying "This comes officially from me as a Mod, please tone it down a Notch" and writing an e-mail to give an Official Warning with Warning Points are 2 different things.

 

[novice_btm]

Without divulging any trade secrets or personal info (image info redacted), but in the interest of being transparent, this is what we see when we click on your name. If you look below Photos, there's Messages, and under that, you'll see Warning Points. There are in fact '0'. To be fully transparent, even if there was say, '1' point, you'd then be able to click on it, and from there, it would depend on the infraction. You could have 1 permanent point, or the 1 point could even be expired. But when it's '0', that means zero, no active or expired points on the record.

 

[693987]

I believe y'all, really didn't need a screen cap. The phrasing at the time led me to believe it was an official warning, and again, no elaboration when I asked so I could modify my behavior, which I literally could only think of one thing that was remotely questionable.

 

[LaFemme]

I believe y'all, really didn't need a screen cap. The phrasing at the time led me to believe it was an official warning, and again, no elaboration when I asked so I could modify my behavior, which I literally could only think of one thing that was remotely questionable.

At least you have zero points. I didn't know that there was a difference between an official warning from a mod and an official WARNING from a mod.

I'm actually learning a lot from this thread. It's becoming quite helpful about mod processes. I think that's a good thing to know how things work. I know I used to have warnings before the site changed, but I don't know if they carried over. I knew that decisions were shared, but I don't understand how things have changed now where mods have less ability or power.

I'm a big believer in communication, even when it gets uncomfortable. And even though I disagree with the tone of novice_btm's original post and some of his statements, I do appreciate the opportunity to talk about some of the issues.

Who knew?

Will women ever be equal members here? I don't know. The nature of the site kind of precludes that. But I have seen some pretty high quality men here supporting women. And overall, there are some pretty strong women here. Intelligent women. But strong, intelligent women are unlikely to let BS go. We can't just give stupidity a pass.

Again, maybe some of us could be nicer, or more articulate or better aware of the rules; men could be nicer, more articulate and better aware of the rules as well. Ultimately, perhaps discussions like this will help.

 

[Pandora77]

An Official "Tone it down a Notch" PM or message to a member is not the same as a Warning.
Actually a message saying "This is coming from me officially as a Moderator, not as your friend" is even more different.

Without revealing too much about the Process, but when things get heated we sometimes send Pm that go like "We have recieved several reports on you lately, and while none of them can be considered breaking the TOS, we would ask you to tone it down a notch."

We know that people sometimes are in a bad mood when on here- you had a shitty and long day at work, your bf or husband gets on your last nerve and then on top of this some idiot online calls you a cunt or shoves his dick in your face, even though you never asked to see it.
So before things get heated and we have to issue Warnings to people all around, we PM the member and ask them to post in a........well less "agressive" manner.

At least you have zero points. I didn't know that there was a difference between an official warning from a mod and an official WARNING from a mod.

I'm actually learning a lot from this thread. It's becoming quite helpful about mod processes. I think that's a good thing to know how things work. I know I used to have warnings before the site changed, but I don't know if they carried over. I knew that decisions were shared, but I don't understand how things have changed now where mods have less ability or power.

I'm a big believer in communication, even when it gets uncomfortable. And even though I disagree with the tone of novice_btm's original post and some of his statements, I do appreciate the opportunity to talk about some of the issues.

Who knew?

Will women ever be equal members here? I don't know. The nature of the site kind of precludes that. But I have seen some pretty high quality men here supporting women. And overall, there are some pretty strong women here. Intelligent women. But strong, intelligent women are unlikely to let BS go. We can't just give stupidity a pass.

Again, maybe some of us could be nicer, or more articulate or better aware of the rules; men could be nicer, more articulate and better aware of the rules as well. Ultimately, perhaps discussions like this will help.

 

[AlteredEgo]

But I am not sure if Non Mods can see that or not.

No. We can't. I have complained before that when a member is banned bow, it still reads "active member" or whatever it has been under his or her name, as if they are still around. There is absolutely no visible indication that an account has been banned or deactivated.

 

[LaFemme]

An Official "Tone it down a Notch" PM or message to a member is not the same as a Warning.
Actually a message saying "This is coming from me officially as a Moderator, not as your friend" is even more different.

Without revealing too much about the Process, but when things get heated we sometimes send Pm that go like "We have recieved several reports on you lately, and while none of them can be considered breaking the TOS, we would ask you to tone it down a notch."

We know that people sometimes are in a bad mood when on here- you had a shitty and long day at work, your bf or husband gets on your last nerve and then on top of this some idiot online calls you a cunt or shoves his dick in your face, even though you never asked to see it.
So before things get heated and we have to issue Warnings to people all around, we PM the member and ask them to post in a........well less "agressive" manner.

I get the difference now, but without this explanation 'tone it done' and getting a warning would seem to be the same thing. Unless the pm says "this isn't a warning and will not be noted on your membership record". I don't know if that makes sense to you? As a member any wrist slap by a mod seems to be a warning.

Now I know the difference. So there are "tone it down" messages which do not accumulate, and there are warnings and bannings. Is that it? And points expire? How many warnings? Three? Yikes! So many questions!

 

[Pandora77]

An Official Warnings says (well, in other words) "This is an Official Warning, you are being issued this and that many Warning Points.
While a tone it down a notch PM or message simply says that I said in my other post. Where we ask the member to simply tone it down.
Oh, we would not give a Warning in a chatroom either, if you get a Warning you sure as hell get an e-mail stating so.

Or we might post a reminder to post in a more respectful manner, directly in a thread.

For the Warning Points? I can't tell you for sure yet. I thought it was 5.
Well, it always depends what it was for.
When you have posted in the wrong thread 5 times, you wont be banned from the site for good.
Now if you have posted 5 pics of children or discussed Minors 5 times, yes, you most likely will be banned.

I get the difference now, but without this explanation 'tone it done' and getting a warning would seem to be the same thing. Unless the pm says "this isn't a warning and will not be noted on your membership record". I don't know if that makes sense to you? As a member any wrist slap by a mod seems to be a warning.

Now I know the difference. So there are "tone it down" messages which do not accumulate, and there are warnings and bannings. Is that it? And points expire? How many warnings? Three? Yikes! So many questions!

 

[novice_btm]

...I know I used to have warnings before the site changed, but I don't know if they carried over.

Well, if you wanna talk conspiracy... You have zero points and warnings. However, *I* still have a Warning that transferred over from the old site. Yes, in 2008, there was a horrible troll, I called him out (I was later proved right, but the point remained, and after a long run with free reign, he was banned), and still have an outstanding warning for harassment on my record.

...but I don't understand how things have changed now where mods have less ability or power.

We really can't elaborate, but trust us on this one. It's easily been halved.

 

[deleted924715]

I'm glad the discussion has remained calm, I'm gathering some people have history. I'll just say that we have 3 mods posting in this thread and liking each others comments. The feelings/desires that prompted you to join the discussion and support posts that resonate with you, as opposed to turning the other cheek when you saw comments that you felt didn't reflect how you think or feel or act, are the same reasons women post in threads when they don't agree with the OP or subsequent comments IMO. That's certainly the case for myself.

 

[LaFemme]

Thank you both for the information! It's very helpful to know.

 

[novice_btm]

I believe y'all, really didn't need a screen cap...

I can take it down, if you like. I know you didn't need it, but I see it more as being informative, than a statement of proof. I should've used my own as an example, but, well, ya know, I actually DO have a Warning, so it wouldn't have illustrated the point.