This story was inspired by Moose99's post, so go check that out. Mine got a little more complicated than I originally intended so I figured I'd just post it separately as its own story.
***
“Look at this guy…”
Gary and his girlfriend Heather were sitting at a high top table at a townie bar outside the city. Their favorite pastime was shit-talking locals and this bar provided plenty of opportunity. They had been driving home from a weekend away and decided to stop in. Everyone had been friendly, but they obviously didn’t fit in from the start - their Lexus stood out in the stone parking lot filled with pickup trucks. Gary felt (incorrectly) like he could fit into this crowd. He was wearing golf pants and a polo shirt. Heather, however, didn’t stand a chance. She was wearing a tight-fitting gray sweater dress that hugged her toned, tanned body.
Their waitress was a young woman. Gary thought to himself that she would be attractive if she weren’t such a…trashy local. She wore too much makeup, her hair was a bad blonde dye-job, and he could see her cringy tattoos that screamed “horse girl.” Still, she had a nice body. He had reminded her twice about bringing her another light beer, and was trying to flag her down to remind her a third time. Probably not the brightest girl, he thought.
Gary and Heather had been very polite when they sat down. But as they started drinking, they had gotten a little freer and a little louder with their comments about the other patrons, the decor, and the staff. The waitress continued to smile and be polite, but her smile was getting faker with each interaction, and Gary and Heather were too wrapped up in their own reality to see that the waitress had begun glaring at them from behind the bar.
Heather turned around to see who Gary was talking about. She figured it out right away. He was an average height guy, maybe 5’7 tops, and other than a slight gut he was spindly-thin. But came into the bar with outsized swagger - he practically turned his whole body as he walked. His thumbs were in his belt loops like a cartoon cowboy character. He nodded around the bar as he sauntered through to the bar.
“Oh lord,” Heather said, turning back to Gary and rolling her eyes. “What a buffoon. He’s a living embodiment of the absurdity of this place.”
Heather didn’t notice that the waitress had walked up to them on her blind side until she had turned around. Heather noticed her, and re-composed her expression quickly.
“Haha, sorry,” Heather said to the waitress. “That guy that just walked in, he’s just…he, um….he seems like a real character, you know? Like, an interesting guy, haha.”
“Oh, him?” the waitress said, pretending she didn’t hear Heather’s critique a moment before.
“He sure is…that’s Big Rick,” the waitress continued, a hint of admiration in her voice.
“Big Rick?” Heather scoffed. “He’s a little…well, he’s not real big from what I can see.”
“Oh, girl,” the waitress said, tilting her head down slightly and looking Heather directly in the eyes. “He’s a big boy, that’s for sure. Real popular around here.”
Then the waitress leaned in and said something into Heather’s ear that Gary couldn’t hear. Heather’s eyes widened as the waitress spoke to her. When the waitress pulled back, Heather’s eyes followed her with a look of surprise.
“Well then,” Heather said, swallowing hard and composing herself. “Big Rick it is, haha.”
The waitress winked at Heather, then turned and patted Gary’s hand lightly.
“I’ll be right back with your light beer, sweetie,” she said, and walked away.
“What was that about?” Gary asked, cautiously.
“Oh, just girl talk,” Heather brushed him off. “I guess the girls around here all know that guy and…talk.”
“Oh, I get it…” Gary said, trying to be nonchalant.
“Yeah, just…you know…I’m sure it’s a big fish, little pond kinda thing,” Heather said, shaking her head dismissively.
Gary nodded.
Gary and Heather sat in awkward silence for a few seconds. Gary looked around and saw that Big Rick was standing at the bar, and the waitress was leaning over the bar to talk to him. They were both looking in Gary and Heather’s direction. Gary looked away and back to Heather, quickly. She was looking the other way, seemingly in thought.
Gary was trying to think of a way to break the silence when he felt a hand clamp firmly onto his shoulder.
“Thanks, bud,” a strange voice said from beside him.
Gary turned to see Big Rick standing at the table between him and Heather, holding up a beer.
“Suzy says this one’s on you,” Big Rick continued. “I sure appreciate it.”
“I uh….” Gary started, confused.
“You’re welcome,” Heather interjected. “Our pleasure.”
Gary knew Heather’s expressions well enough to know that the tight smile she was giving him, combined with the slight head tilt, meant “just let it go and don’t be weird.” Gary agreed that there was no reason to disagree and seem rude, not over a five dollar beer, especially after the waitress overheard them making fun of the guy.
“Well now,” Big Rick said, turning his head to Heather. “I’d say the pleasure is all mine…”
He reached out his hand for Heather to shake. His hand, surprisingly large for his average frame, held hers firmly for a few moments. He made no attempt to hide the fact that he was looking her up and down. Heather either didn’t notice or didn’t mind - her eyes were on his big hand wrapped around hers, or…was she looking at something else? Gary was unsettled by the entire interaction, and just wanted it to end.
“Well,” Gary said, clearing his throat. “It was nice meeting you. I think maybe we were getting ready to head…”
“Here’s your light beer, sweetie,” the waitress appeared from behind Big Rick and set Gary’s beer down in front of him.
“Looks like you’ve got at least a little time,” Big Rick said, looking down at Gary’s beer. He was still holding Heather’s hand in his, and she was still quiet.
Gary cleared his throat, trying to get his wife’s attention. Another second went by, then another.
“Hey babe,” Gary said, sharply. “HEATHER.”
“Oh!” she said, letting go of Big Rick’s hand and turning her attention to Gary. “What? What do you want?”
“What do I…” Gary started, confused. “Nothing, nothing, just making sure you’re ok.”
“Yeah,” Heather said, annoyed. “I’m fine. Great. You don’t need to yell at me.”
Big Rick turned to look at Gary with a “oh shit” look on his face.
Gary fumed to himself, but controlled his expression.
“Sorry, sorry,” he said. “That came out louder than I meant. Just…sorry. Anyway, I was thinking we probably should head out soon, if you’re done here, we can just…”
“This round’s on the house!” the waitress announced as she banged four shot glasses onto the table.
Gary groaned to himself. The waitress, Heather, and Big Rick all seemed pleased.
“I dunno,” Gary said. “I’ve got a whole beer to drink and then…”
“I’ll do two,” Heather said, to Gary’s surprise.
She pulled two shots in front of her and raised one up. Big Rick and the waitress lifted theirs as well and they clinked them together. Heather quickly drank the first one, and immediately downed the second.
“Hot damn…” Big Rick said. “You’re impressive. I’ll bet you’re a whole lot of fun without Mr. Light Beer here.”
The waitress laughed, leaning into Big Rick. Heather grinned.
Gary was visibly annoyed.
“Babe,” Heather said, wiping her mouth. “Don’t be like that…it was just a joke.”
“Be like what?” Gary said, annoyed.
Heather glared at him.
“How about another round?” Big Rick said, breaking the silence. “This one’s on me.”
“You got it, big boy,” the waitress said, winking.
She turned to take the shot glasses back to the bar, and as she turned, Big Rick gave her a firm slap on the ass. She turned her head back to him, bit her lip, then turned and hopped toward the bar.
“Sweet girl, that Suz,” Big Rick said as he turned back to Gary and Heather. “Real sweet…real eager to please.”
“So, from what I hear, you’re the big man on campus here,” Heather said to Big Rick.
Gary blinked, trying to comprehend what was going on. Why was his wife suddenly engaging with this moron who was obviously ogling her?
“Haha, I guess so,” Big Rick said, his eyes once again running over Heather. “Never spent much time on a campus, but ladies do say I am the big man.”
Heather chuckled and blushed. Gary’s head was spinning.
“So what do you do?” Heather asked.
“You mean for work…or for pleasure?” Big Rick asked, smirking.
Heather laughed out loud like an embarrassed school girl.
“Oh, haha, I meant for work!” She replied.
“I do a little of this, a little of that,” Big Rick replied. “When I find something I want to do, I make a point to do it well.”
“That’s really great,” Heather replied, almost absently. “You seem like a guy who really just…gets in there and…”
“Leave them satisfied,” Big Rick interjected. “That’s what I aim to do. That’s how you get called back for more. Exceed their expectations…”
Gary was doing his best to stop from rolling his eyes. What were they even talking about? This guy talked a lot and said nothing.
“So,” Gary said, frustration in his voice. “What EXACTLY do you do for a living?”
Heather shot him an annoyed look.
“Babe,” she chastised. “He’s in the middle of telling you that. Don’t interrupt.”
Gary opened his mouth to snap back at her, but stopped himself short.
“Now, that’s ok,” Big Rick said, patting Heather’s hand. “I do have a tendency to beat around the bush a bit. I’m what you might call a handyman for hire. A lot of fellas work long hours and don’t have time to attend to the needs of their house. Maybe there’s a leaky faucet or loose doorknob…somethin’ like that. Well, when they get home the last thing they want is a needy wife hasslin’ them about needin’ to do this or that. Or maybe they just aren’t up to job at all. That’s where I come in. See, I just slip on over while they’re off at the office, put a few hours’ worth of work in, and by the time they come home….wife’s happy as a clam.”
Heather nodded along with him. “That sounds really…helpful,” she said.
“How about you, Mr. Light Beer,” Big Rick said, turning to Gary. “You handy around the house, or could you use some assistance keeping up with your wife’s needs?”
“Ha!” Heather blurted. “Gary’s doesn’t exactly know his way around tools.”
“Babe, what the fuck?” Gary said, looking at her. “I know…tools.”
Heather cocked her head slightly and looked at him incredulously.
“First of all, we’re just joking around here,” she said, sharply. “And second of all, when’s the last time you fixed anything? My dad fixes everything around the house that needs fixed.”
“Well…” Big Rick said, rocking back and forth on his heels slightly. “If I can ever be of assistance and give your old dad a break, I’d be happy to come on down to the city sometime and put in some work.”
“That’s really nice of you to offer,” Heather said, smiling up at Big Rick. “I just might take you up on that sometime.”
“Babe, I don’t think you…I mean, I don’t think we need…” Gary stammered.
“BABE,” Heather responded mockingly. “It’s OK to admit that you can’t do everything. It’s not a good look. This isn’t some sort of dick-measuring contest.”
“Well not yet it ain’t” Big Rick said as the waitress set the next round of shots down. He raised on up and looked at Heather
“A few more of these and who knows what kind of mess we’ll get ourselves into!”
Heather, the waitress, and Big Rick clinked their shots and downed them.
As the waitress gathered the glasses and turned to head back to the bar, Heather stood up and straightened her dress.
“If you boys will excuse me, I have to use the ladies room.”
Heather looked at each of the men and walked toward the back of the bar. Big Rick didn’t hide the fact that he was watching her tight ass flex as she walked off.
“That is some woman you’ve got there,” he said with admiration. “I’m gonna have fun workin’ my big old dick into that sweet little thing.”
“EXCUSE ME?” Gary sputtered his beer, the glass still against his lips. “What the FUCK did you just say?”
“Listen,” Big Rick said, nonchalantly as he watched Heather disappear into the restroom. “Your old lady there knows I’ve got the goods. Hell, every woman in this town knows I’ve got the goods. She’s already giving me the eyes…it’s a done deal my friend. She’s never had one like mine and I’m gonna show her what the fuss is all about. Stretch her out nice, fill ‘er up to the brim.”
He looked Gary in the eyes and continued.
“I’m gonna enjoy doin’ it, too. I know you think you're a big shot, with your fancy car, comin' from the city to poke fun at some people who ain't like you. So it's gonna be extra nice when your pretty little wife gives herself to me. And she's gonna love it, too. Once I open ‘er up,…get her accustomed to the feelin’ of it all…then’s when her fun really begins. I’m gonna rearrange your lady’s insides, that’s for sure. Don’t worry now, I’ll send her hobblin' on back once I’ve had my fill of her. I ain’t greedy.”
Gary was dumbfounded. His hands were shaking.
“Get the fuck away from me and get the fuck away from my wife,” he growled. “I’ll…I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” Big Rick barked at him, sending Gary back into his seat. “Tell your little wife that I plan on fuckin’ her? Go right ahead, she already knows and she’s still purrin’ for me like a kitten. Or did you mean you’d hit me? Look around this bar, little man. These here are my people. You’ll get exactly zero paces toward the door before your ass gets whooped if you so much as flinch at me too hard.”
Gary glanced around. A few people were looking at him calmly, but they were definitely looking at him. The waitress was leaned over the bar smirking at him.
“Anyway, here comes our lovely lady,” Big Rick said, his voice returning to normal as he looked up. “Be good now.”
“Hey boys,” Heather said cheerily. “Another round?”
“No,” Gary snapped. “We gotta go. Heather, right now. We’re gonna go.”
“What?” Heather replied. “Babe, what’s your problem?”
“This asshole is my problem,” Gary said, glaring at Big Rick. “I’ll tell you in the car, but we’re leaving right now.”
“GARY,” Heather scolded. “You’re being the asshole here. You can either tell me exactly what’s going on or you can calm down. You’re embarrassing me.”
“He…he…” Gary stammered, jabbing his finger toward Big Rick.
“I made an un-gentlemanly remark about your lovely derrière as you walked away,” Big Rick said, calmly. “And maybe took it a bit far. I do apologize to you, ma’am. It’s not every day someone as good lookin’ as you comes walkin’ through this hole in the wall bar and I must say, you’ve got me all riled up.”
“Oh my god,” Gary snorted. “Babe…that’s not the half of it. It was truly offensive. Kept going on about how he’s gonna work his ‘huge dick’ into you and stretch you out and…just…I can’t believe I’m even saying this out loud.”
Heather looked at him and raised an eyebrow.
“Is THAT what this is about? Are you seriously acting this way because you heard he has a big dick?”
“What?” Gary replied. “I didn’t mean it like that, I mean he said he…”
“So. Embarrassing.” Heather said, raising her hands disgustedly. “Honestly, I can’t even with you right now. This…energy…is just really beneath you. It’s really…little boy shit.”
Big Rick turned and winked at Gary, a smile spreading across his lips.
“If you fucking wink at me again,” Gary growled.
“You’ll what?” Big Rick said, calmly. “Talk about my big dick some more?”
Big Rick winked again. Gary jumped clumsily out of his seat. His foot slipped in some spilled beer as he wildly tried to throw a punch. He missed, and Big Rick popped him in the side of the head.
***
Gary opened his eyes and groaned. The side of his head was throbbing and his vision was blurry.
“Hey, look who’s awake,” a man he didn’t recognize said, glancing over from a nearby table. Gary was propped against the jukebox at the end of the bar.
“Heather…?” he mumbled. “Where’s my wife?”
“Ah, shit,” the man said. He looked at his friend with a chuckle. “You wanna tell him?”
“Yeah, bud,” the other man said, shaking his head. “Sorry to say, I saw her and Big Rick headed to the Honeymoon Suite.”
The men both laughed.
Gary stumbled to his feet and shakily headed across the bar toward the back.
“Welcome back,” the waitress said as Gary passed by her.
“Where are the rooms?” Gary asked, groggily.
“The what?” the waitress asked, annoyed.
“The guest rooms…that guy said Heather was in the Honeymoon Suite…”
The waitress laughed.
“Look around you, there ain’t no suites here.”
Gary stared blankly at her.
“That’s what the boys call the handicap stall in the men’s room.”
*THE END*
***
“Look at this guy…”
Gary and his girlfriend Heather were sitting at a high top table at a townie bar outside the city. Their favorite pastime was shit-talking locals and this bar provided plenty of opportunity. They had been driving home from a weekend away and decided to stop in. Everyone had been friendly, but they obviously didn’t fit in from the start - their Lexus stood out in the stone parking lot filled with pickup trucks. Gary felt (incorrectly) like he could fit into this crowd. He was wearing golf pants and a polo shirt. Heather, however, didn’t stand a chance. She was wearing a tight-fitting gray sweater dress that hugged her toned, tanned body.
Their waitress was a young woman. Gary thought to himself that she would be attractive if she weren’t such a…trashy local. She wore too much makeup, her hair was a bad blonde dye-job, and he could see her cringy tattoos that screamed “horse girl.” Still, she had a nice body. He had reminded her twice about bringing her another light beer, and was trying to flag her down to remind her a third time. Probably not the brightest girl, he thought.
Gary and Heather had been very polite when they sat down. But as they started drinking, they had gotten a little freer and a little louder with their comments about the other patrons, the decor, and the staff. The waitress continued to smile and be polite, but her smile was getting faker with each interaction, and Gary and Heather were too wrapped up in their own reality to see that the waitress had begun glaring at them from behind the bar.
Heather turned around to see who Gary was talking about. She figured it out right away. He was an average height guy, maybe 5’7 tops, and other than a slight gut he was spindly-thin. But came into the bar with outsized swagger - he practically turned his whole body as he walked. His thumbs were in his belt loops like a cartoon cowboy character. He nodded around the bar as he sauntered through to the bar.
“Oh lord,” Heather said, turning back to Gary and rolling her eyes. “What a buffoon. He’s a living embodiment of the absurdity of this place.”
Heather didn’t notice that the waitress had walked up to them on her blind side until she had turned around. Heather noticed her, and re-composed her expression quickly.
“Haha, sorry,” Heather said to the waitress. “That guy that just walked in, he’s just…he, um….he seems like a real character, you know? Like, an interesting guy, haha.”
“Oh, him?” the waitress said, pretending she didn’t hear Heather’s critique a moment before.
“He sure is…that’s Big Rick,” the waitress continued, a hint of admiration in her voice.
“Big Rick?” Heather scoffed. “He’s a little…well, he’s not real big from what I can see.”
“Oh, girl,” the waitress said, tilting her head down slightly and looking Heather directly in the eyes. “He’s a big boy, that’s for sure. Real popular around here.”
Then the waitress leaned in and said something into Heather’s ear that Gary couldn’t hear. Heather’s eyes widened as the waitress spoke to her. When the waitress pulled back, Heather’s eyes followed her with a look of surprise.
“Well then,” Heather said, swallowing hard and composing herself. “Big Rick it is, haha.”
The waitress winked at Heather, then turned and patted Gary’s hand lightly.
“I’ll be right back with your light beer, sweetie,” she said, and walked away.
“What was that about?” Gary asked, cautiously.
“Oh, just girl talk,” Heather brushed him off. “I guess the girls around here all know that guy and…talk.”
“Oh, I get it…” Gary said, trying to be nonchalant.
“Yeah, just…you know…I’m sure it’s a big fish, little pond kinda thing,” Heather said, shaking her head dismissively.
Gary nodded.
Gary and Heather sat in awkward silence for a few seconds. Gary looked around and saw that Big Rick was standing at the bar, and the waitress was leaning over the bar to talk to him. They were both looking in Gary and Heather’s direction. Gary looked away and back to Heather, quickly. She was looking the other way, seemingly in thought.
Gary was trying to think of a way to break the silence when he felt a hand clamp firmly onto his shoulder.
“Thanks, bud,” a strange voice said from beside him.
Gary turned to see Big Rick standing at the table between him and Heather, holding up a beer.
“Suzy says this one’s on you,” Big Rick continued. “I sure appreciate it.”
“I uh….” Gary started, confused.
“You’re welcome,” Heather interjected. “Our pleasure.”
Gary knew Heather’s expressions well enough to know that the tight smile she was giving him, combined with the slight head tilt, meant “just let it go and don’t be weird.” Gary agreed that there was no reason to disagree and seem rude, not over a five dollar beer, especially after the waitress overheard them making fun of the guy.
“Well now,” Big Rick said, turning his head to Heather. “I’d say the pleasure is all mine…”
He reached out his hand for Heather to shake. His hand, surprisingly large for his average frame, held hers firmly for a few moments. He made no attempt to hide the fact that he was looking her up and down. Heather either didn’t notice or didn’t mind - her eyes were on his big hand wrapped around hers, or…was she looking at something else? Gary was unsettled by the entire interaction, and just wanted it to end.
“Well,” Gary said, clearing his throat. “It was nice meeting you. I think maybe we were getting ready to head…”
“Here’s your light beer, sweetie,” the waitress appeared from behind Big Rick and set Gary’s beer down in front of him.
“Looks like you’ve got at least a little time,” Big Rick said, looking down at Gary’s beer. He was still holding Heather’s hand in his, and she was still quiet.
Gary cleared his throat, trying to get his wife’s attention. Another second went by, then another.
“Hey babe,” Gary said, sharply. “HEATHER.”
“Oh!” she said, letting go of Big Rick’s hand and turning her attention to Gary. “What? What do you want?”
“What do I…” Gary started, confused. “Nothing, nothing, just making sure you’re ok.”
“Yeah,” Heather said, annoyed. “I’m fine. Great. You don’t need to yell at me.”
Big Rick turned to look at Gary with a “oh shit” look on his face.
Gary fumed to himself, but controlled his expression.
“Sorry, sorry,” he said. “That came out louder than I meant. Just…sorry. Anyway, I was thinking we probably should head out soon, if you’re done here, we can just…”
“This round’s on the house!” the waitress announced as she banged four shot glasses onto the table.
Gary groaned to himself. The waitress, Heather, and Big Rick all seemed pleased.
“I dunno,” Gary said. “I’ve got a whole beer to drink and then…”
“I’ll do two,” Heather said, to Gary’s surprise.
She pulled two shots in front of her and raised one up. Big Rick and the waitress lifted theirs as well and they clinked them together. Heather quickly drank the first one, and immediately downed the second.
“Hot damn…” Big Rick said. “You’re impressive. I’ll bet you’re a whole lot of fun without Mr. Light Beer here.”
The waitress laughed, leaning into Big Rick. Heather grinned.
Gary was visibly annoyed.
“Babe,” Heather said, wiping her mouth. “Don’t be like that…it was just a joke.”
“Be like what?” Gary said, annoyed.
Heather glared at him.
“How about another round?” Big Rick said, breaking the silence. “This one’s on me.”
“You got it, big boy,” the waitress said, winking.
She turned to take the shot glasses back to the bar, and as she turned, Big Rick gave her a firm slap on the ass. She turned her head back to him, bit her lip, then turned and hopped toward the bar.
“Sweet girl, that Suz,” Big Rick said as he turned back to Gary and Heather. “Real sweet…real eager to please.”
“So, from what I hear, you’re the big man on campus here,” Heather said to Big Rick.
Gary blinked, trying to comprehend what was going on. Why was his wife suddenly engaging with this moron who was obviously ogling her?
“Haha, I guess so,” Big Rick said, his eyes once again running over Heather. “Never spent much time on a campus, but ladies do say I am the big man.”
Heather chuckled and blushed. Gary’s head was spinning.
“So what do you do?” Heather asked.
“You mean for work…or for pleasure?” Big Rick asked, smirking.
Heather laughed out loud like an embarrassed school girl.
“Oh, haha, I meant for work!” She replied.
“I do a little of this, a little of that,” Big Rick replied. “When I find something I want to do, I make a point to do it well.”
“That’s really great,” Heather replied, almost absently. “You seem like a guy who really just…gets in there and…”
“Leave them satisfied,” Big Rick interjected. “That’s what I aim to do. That’s how you get called back for more. Exceed their expectations…”
Gary was doing his best to stop from rolling his eyes. What were they even talking about? This guy talked a lot and said nothing.
“So,” Gary said, frustration in his voice. “What EXACTLY do you do for a living?”
Heather shot him an annoyed look.
“Babe,” she chastised. “He’s in the middle of telling you that. Don’t interrupt.”
Gary opened his mouth to snap back at her, but stopped himself short.
“Now, that’s ok,” Big Rick said, patting Heather’s hand. “I do have a tendency to beat around the bush a bit. I’m what you might call a handyman for hire. A lot of fellas work long hours and don’t have time to attend to the needs of their house. Maybe there’s a leaky faucet or loose doorknob…somethin’ like that. Well, when they get home the last thing they want is a needy wife hasslin’ them about needin’ to do this or that. Or maybe they just aren’t up to job at all. That’s where I come in. See, I just slip on over while they’re off at the office, put a few hours’ worth of work in, and by the time they come home….wife’s happy as a clam.”
Heather nodded along with him. “That sounds really…helpful,” she said.
“How about you, Mr. Light Beer,” Big Rick said, turning to Gary. “You handy around the house, or could you use some assistance keeping up with your wife’s needs?”
“Ha!” Heather blurted. “Gary’s doesn’t exactly know his way around tools.”
“Babe, what the fuck?” Gary said, looking at her. “I know…tools.”
Heather cocked her head slightly and looked at him incredulously.
“First of all, we’re just joking around here,” she said, sharply. “And second of all, when’s the last time you fixed anything? My dad fixes everything around the house that needs fixed.”
“Well…” Big Rick said, rocking back and forth on his heels slightly. “If I can ever be of assistance and give your old dad a break, I’d be happy to come on down to the city sometime and put in some work.”
“That’s really nice of you to offer,” Heather said, smiling up at Big Rick. “I just might take you up on that sometime.”
“Babe, I don’t think you…I mean, I don’t think we need…” Gary stammered.
“BABE,” Heather responded mockingly. “It’s OK to admit that you can’t do everything. It’s not a good look. This isn’t some sort of dick-measuring contest.”
“Well not yet it ain’t” Big Rick said as the waitress set the next round of shots down. He raised on up and looked at Heather
“A few more of these and who knows what kind of mess we’ll get ourselves into!”
Heather, the waitress, and Big Rick clinked their shots and downed them.
As the waitress gathered the glasses and turned to head back to the bar, Heather stood up and straightened her dress.
“If you boys will excuse me, I have to use the ladies room.”
Heather looked at each of the men and walked toward the back of the bar. Big Rick didn’t hide the fact that he was watching her tight ass flex as she walked off.
“That is some woman you’ve got there,” he said with admiration. “I’m gonna have fun workin’ my big old dick into that sweet little thing.”
“EXCUSE ME?” Gary sputtered his beer, the glass still against his lips. “What the FUCK did you just say?”
“Listen,” Big Rick said, nonchalantly as he watched Heather disappear into the restroom. “Your old lady there knows I’ve got the goods. Hell, every woman in this town knows I’ve got the goods. She’s already giving me the eyes…it’s a done deal my friend. She’s never had one like mine and I’m gonna show her what the fuss is all about. Stretch her out nice, fill ‘er up to the brim.”
He looked Gary in the eyes and continued.
“I’m gonna enjoy doin’ it, too. I know you think you're a big shot, with your fancy car, comin' from the city to poke fun at some people who ain't like you. So it's gonna be extra nice when your pretty little wife gives herself to me. And she's gonna love it, too. Once I open ‘er up,…get her accustomed to the feelin’ of it all…then’s when her fun really begins. I’m gonna rearrange your lady’s insides, that’s for sure. Don’t worry now, I’ll send her hobblin' on back once I’ve had my fill of her. I ain’t greedy.”
Gary was dumbfounded. His hands were shaking.
“Get the fuck away from me and get the fuck away from my wife,” he growled. “I’ll…I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” Big Rick barked at him, sending Gary back into his seat. “Tell your little wife that I plan on fuckin’ her? Go right ahead, she already knows and she’s still purrin’ for me like a kitten. Or did you mean you’d hit me? Look around this bar, little man. These here are my people. You’ll get exactly zero paces toward the door before your ass gets whooped if you so much as flinch at me too hard.”
Gary glanced around. A few people were looking at him calmly, but they were definitely looking at him. The waitress was leaned over the bar smirking at him.
“Anyway, here comes our lovely lady,” Big Rick said, his voice returning to normal as he looked up. “Be good now.”
“Hey boys,” Heather said cheerily. “Another round?”
“No,” Gary snapped. “We gotta go. Heather, right now. We’re gonna go.”
“What?” Heather replied. “Babe, what’s your problem?”
“This asshole is my problem,” Gary said, glaring at Big Rick. “I’ll tell you in the car, but we’re leaving right now.”
“GARY,” Heather scolded. “You’re being the asshole here. You can either tell me exactly what’s going on or you can calm down. You’re embarrassing me.”
“He…he…” Gary stammered, jabbing his finger toward Big Rick.
“I made an un-gentlemanly remark about your lovely derrière as you walked away,” Big Rick said, calmly. “And maybe took it a bit far. I do apologize to you, ma’am. It’s not every day someone as good lookin’ as you comes walkin’ through this hole in the wall bar and I must say, you’ve got me all riled up.”
“Oh my god,” Gary snorted. “Babe…that’s not the half of it. It was truly offensive. Kept going on about how he’s gonna work his ‘huge dick’ into you and stretch you out and…just…I can’t believe I’m even saying this out loud.”
Heather looked at him and raised an eyebrow.
“Is THAT what this is about? Are you seriously acting this way because you heard he has a big dick?”
“What?” Gary replied. “I didn’t mean it like that, I mean he said he…”
“So. Embarrassing.” Heather said, raising her hands disgustedly. “Honestly, I can’t even with you right now. This…energy…is just really beneath you. It’s really…little boy shit.”
Big Rick turned and winked at Gary, a smile spreading across his lips.
“If you fucking wink at me again,” Gary growled.
“You’ll what?” Big Rick said, calmly. “Talk about my big dick some more?”
Big Rick winked again. Gary jumped clumsily out of his seat. His foot slipped in some spilled beer as he wildly tried to throw a punch. He missed, and Big Rick popped him in the side of the head.
***
Gary opened his eyes and groaned. The side of his head was throbbing and his vision was blurry.
“Hey, look who’s awake,” a man he didn’t recognize said, glancing over from a nearby table. Gary was propped against the jukebox at the end of the bar.
“Heather…?” he mumbled. “Where’s my wife?”
“Ah, shit,” the man said. He looked at his friend with a chuckle. “You wanna tell him?”
“Yeah, bud,” the other man said, shaking his head. “Sorry to say, I saw her and Big Rick headed to the Honeymoon Suite.”
The men both laughed.
Gary stumbled to his feet and shakily headed across the bar toward the back.
“Welcome back,” the waitress said as Gary passed by her.
“Where are the rooms?” Gary asked, groggily.
“The what?” the waitress asked, annoyed.
“The guest rooms…that guy said Heather was in the Honeymoon Suite…”
The waitress laughed.
“Look around you, there ain’t no suites here.”
Gary stared blankly at her.
“That’s what the boys call the handicap stall in the men’s room.”
*THE END*
