Besides Intercourse How Important Is Intimacy In A Relationship?

Rewardheragain148

Loved Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2019
Posts
744
Media
0
Likes
687
Points
128
Location
California (United States)
Gender
Male
When I say intimacy I mean(long list excuse me );

laughing, flirting, teasing, holding hands, sweet gestures, cuddling, kissing, intellectual conversations, acts of appreciation, appreciation statements, long trips together, foreplay ect

Now does intimacy Make sex better or is it better than sex?

Why is intimacy important ? Seems some women really want this in their relationships.
 

ArtAppreciation

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Posts
819
Media
17
Likes
12,178
Points
538
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
You can have sex without intimacy, and I did that for long enough. I didn’t know that relationships were supposed to be another way. It was horrifically unfulfilling.

I won’t be doing that EVER again :)

Intimacy makes sex so much better. IMO it beats sex hands down, every time. I don’t need it when I have intimacy, but I still want it. I only feel safe when there is intimacy, which takes time to develop.
 
2

286798

Guest
I think intimacy is being known, even the vulnerable parts of you. Having the trust to expose the not-so-pretty parts of yourself is awesome... and scary... so i get why its hard, especially for dudes who gotta be all macho or those who have a heaping dose of issues.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,469
Media
154
Likes
65,022
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
Intimacy is not only being able to be vulnerable and unshielded with my partner, but being able to accept him in the same state of being. It's so much more than flirtatious gestures for me.

My fella and I don't do public displays of affection, we don't have pet names for one another... We save those moments for us, and us alone, and we just call one another by our childhood nicknames given to us by our families. But those aren't pet names, that's what our families call us, so that's how we refer to one another. We are family.

The reason our sex life continues to only get *better* as the years pass is the fact that we are intimate with each other, and only for each other. It's not a display, it's not a show/act for others. It's a genuine communication of sincere concern for the well being of the other. That makes for some serious fucking good sex.
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
41,946
Media
2
Likes
39,306
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
I don’t believe you can have a real relationship without intimacy. Otherwise it’s just a one night stand, or just a succession of sexual encounters.

I tend to be very affectionate, but it’s the feeling of affection, rather than the outward signs of affection. So you don’t have to hold hands, or have cute names for each other. It’s the feeling of caring, knowing, accepting that feels intimate. It’s feeling accepted, cared for, and known by another human being. And that intimacy makes sex even better. You’re having sex with a real person, not just a body. You know them, and they know you.
 

Rewardheragain148

Loved Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2019
Posts
744
Media
0
Likes
687
Points
128
Location
California (United States)
Gender
Male
You can have sex without intimacy, and I did that for long enough. I didn’t know that relationships were supposed to be another way. It was horrifically unfulfilling.

I won’t be doing that EVER again :)

Intimacy makes sex so much better. IMO it beats sex hands down, every time. I don’t need it when I have intimacy, but I still want it. I only feel safe when there is intimacy, which takes time to develop.

thank you for you input this is great ;)

This is very good feedback and educating as well. It seems complete satisfaction requires intimacy...
 

Rewardheragain148

Loved Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2019
Posts
744
Media
0
Likes
687
Points
128
Location
California (United States)
Gender
Male
I think intimacy is being known, even the vulnerable parts of you. Having the trust to expose the not-so-pretty parts of yourself is awesome... and scary... so i get why its hard, especially for dudes who gotta be all macho or those who have a heaping dose of issues.

Right

It brings you closer to a person but as a man I’ve learned it’s definitely required when you have a lady friend. Vulnerability, closeness and trust is definitely scaring for sure.
 

Rewardheragain148

Loved Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2019
Posts
744
Media
0
Likes
687
Points
128
Location
California (United States)
Gender
Male
/QUOTE]
Its my experience that men also want this in their relationships...I'm not sure why your observation is that it's a certain subset of women?


Right good answer this is true ,


Seems some women complain men stop putting out effort for intimacy After the relationship has been going for a while and men want to go straight to the bedroom; a lot of women feel abandoned And dissatisfied.
 

Rewardheragain148

Loved Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2019
Posts
744
Media
0
Likes
687
Points
128
Location
California (United States)
Gender
Male
I don’t believe you can have a real relationship without intimacy. Otherwise it’s just a one night stand, or just a succession of sexual encounters.

I tend to be very affectionate, but it’s the feeling of affection, rather than the outward signs of affection. So you don’t have to hold hands, or have cute names for each other. It’s the feeling of caring, knowing, accepting that feels intimate. It’s feeling accepted, cared for, and known by another human being. And that intimacy makes sex even better. You’re having sex with a real person, not just a body. You know them, and they know you.

Right

A man has to adjust to a woman’s love language but yes your comment makes sense.
 

Scarletbegonia

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 2, 2013
Posts
8,335
Media
26
Likes
23,701
Points
508
Location
Purgatory (Maine, United States)
Sexuality
Asexual
Gender
Female
Don’t assume you know how “women” feel.
you may hear how some women express themselves on media, but you do NOT know how they feel.
You are not them, and your posting is often a beacon of lack of empathy. “All this will help ME in MY next relationship.”
Really? You have heard from women with differing views. Maybe clashing.


On your question, sex arises from intimacy, for me.
Part of the whole demisexual reality.
Like TNJ and her fella, my sweetie and I aren’t hard core on PDA.
Differing from them, there are small touches, hugs. But we both hug our friends. Or they hug us. It goes both ways. In the social circle, a peck is okay between friends, cheek or milliseconds on the lips.
I’m digging the social distancing because fewer people are touching me casually. I don’t hate it, but it’s one of the things that’s just done. I’m slightly on the positive side of neutral on casual touch. I hug good friends, of time elapsed or recent discovery.

When we are solo, the vulnerability, the “decomp” of the day, the venting of problems, even asking insight (I’ve learned to ask before offering, too) creates intimacy. It might flow to cuddling on the couch, sitting sans attire by his waterfall in the yard, and either might flow into sexual activities.

I have joked that we pillow talk on both ends of the activity.

Intimacy breeds trust. Trust helps love along.

We have yet to travel together. He travels for work. I’m broke. I’d love to surprise him on the road. (When Covid is either vanquished or routine)

We have cooked together, on a meal I brought over in a few differing stages of ready.

The important word is together. Merging energy has to happen as a continual daily thing.

Busy day and only a few minutes to catch up via phone? Understood.
Lazy day and one couldn’t be bothered? Better be very rare.
I’ve texted and said I was wiped out and I’d talk tomorrow.
But I’ve also been on the phone with him, checking snowpack/road conditions/ storm tracks as he drove through a New Years blizzard. Eleven hours of reporting. Exhausting. I’m so glad I changed careers!

Intimacy is stolen moments shared.
 

Rewardheragain148

Loved Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2019
Posts
744
Media
0
Likes
687
Points
128
Location
California (United States)
Gender
Male
Don’t assume you know how “women” feel.
you may hear how some women express themselves on media, but you do NOT know how they feel.
You are not them, and your posting is often a beacon of lack of empathy. “All this will help ME in MY next relationship.”
Really? You have heard from women with differing views. Maybe clashing.


On your question, sex arises from intimacy, for me.
Part of the whole demisexual reality.
Like TNJ and her fella, my sweetie and I aren’t hard core on PDA.
Differing from them, there are small touches, hugs. But we both hug our friends. Or they hug us. It goes both ways. In the social circle, a peck is okay between friends, cheek or milliseconds on the lips.
I’m digging the social distancing because fewer people are touching me casually. I don’t hate it, but it’s one of the things that’s just done. I’m slightly on the positive side of neutral on casual touch. I hug good friends, of time elapsed or recent discovery.

When we are solo, the vulnerability, the “decomp” of the day, the venting of problems, even asking insight (I’ve learned to ask before offering, too) creates intimacy. It might flow to cuddling on the couch, sitting sans attire by his waterfall in the yard, and either might flow into sexual activities.

I have joked that we pillow talk on both ends of the activity.

Intimacy breeds trust. Trust helps love along.

We have yet to travel together. He travels for work. I’m broke. I’d love to surprise him on the road. (When Covid is either vanquished or routine)

We have cooked together, on a meal I brought over in a few differing stages of ready.

The important word is together. Merging energy has to happen as a continual daily thing.

Busy day and only a few minutes to catch up via phone? Understood.
Lazy day and one couldn’t be bothered? Better be very rare.
I’ve texted and said I was wiped out and I’d talk tomorrow.
But I’ve also been on the phone with him, checking snowpack/road conditions/ storm tracks as he drove through a New Years blizzard. Eleven hours of reporting. Exhausting. I’m so glad I changed careers!

Intimacy is stolen moments shared.

Great post very informative and detailed ,

I guess I was selfish involving my own benefit of being conscious of intimacy; noticing intimacy has a broad spectrum of activities and is different for everyone even though the main undertone is trust and closeness...

Great visual detail of how you and your mate operate; your post makes good examples of moments of closeness and vulnerability.

I’m single, but I have women that come on to me in daily living and it seems what sparks their interest is intimacy itself; laughter and conversing about her interest and more laughter .

It seems intimacy is involved from the very beginning now that I think about it; It creates a emotional/intellectual
Bond ...
 

Rewardheragain148

Loved Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2019
Posts
744
Media
0
Likes
687
Points
128
Location
California (United States)
Gender
Male
Why do you think they are “coming on” to you, if it’s simply talking. you do know men and women can be friendly without boinking, nu?

Good question

sexual attraction has a Different texture ; I can feel it and some even wait for me to ask them out and I let them down gently because I’m not ready for a relationship.

Nervous energy , can’t look me in the eye sometimes, giggly and other non verbal gestures that happen while we are in dialogue.
 

EllieP

Worshipped Member
Gold
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Posts
9,957
Media
4
Likes
22,261
Points
318
Location
USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
I'm one of those weird ones who cannot have sex outside of an exclusive relationship. And any relationship I have will be intimate. It's how I roll - on the streets and in the sheets.

A few years ago there was a heavy discussion about intimacy at a cocktail party of all places. It's one of those deep dives that some "with it" people like to do. We were asked when was the last time you were intimate with your partner. I piped right up and said "in the car on the way here."

Well, of course a bunch of eyes turned in my direction, I guess to see how wrinkled my dress was. But I explained that we were talking about plans we were making to go on a trip, and what we would do there. And I told them how I know he likes to go to the mountains, and I like to visit little shops.

They didn't think that construed intimacy. I asked them if they knew he liked to go to the mountains. They said no. I said i did because we were that intimate with each other. And he likes the Smokey Mountains most of all. That's intimacy.

He fixes me coffee almost every single day. It's hard for me to go to a coffee shop because no one fixes my coffee like he does. He knows how I like it. That's intimacy.

I get very confused when I see questions on this site about "how can I know if she likes to..." and it doesn't matter what they ask. It's the fact that they ask it. "How can I get her to do..."

Those questions drive me frickin' crazy! ASK HER! She's the one you should be intimate with.

And one-night stands and NSA sex notwithstanding, if you're banging someone then you should be intimate enough to communicate some other way than with your sex organs.