I suppose this won't be the most interesting thread on here, but it's taking up a lot of my thinking time and I'd appreciate your advice as I'm a bit lost how to approach this situation. I'll try keep it short.
I'm 24. Openly gay and confident in my sexuality. I started university last September in a flat of 11 people living together (UK). There were three other guys, 18, 20, and 21. Lets call the 20 year old Tom. Tom has a girlfriend. Tom seemed pretty damn straight to me for four months. He's very much a 'British lad', but he's lovely and a very genuine caring guy. I went through a particularly hard time in my personal life and sadly wasn't socialising as much with the other three guys who got to know each other better and became more of a three smoking up every night. But me and Tom were still pretty close, I got on much better with him than the other two guys on an individual level. We had a lot in common.
Alright, enough of context. One night, we were having a flat party (all 11 of us, with various drugs and alcohol). I'm gay, and a couple of the girls are bisexual. I believe he was on a very loving stimulant chemical at the time. The conversation turned to sexuality and everyone was being quite expressive (the other two guys, not Tom, discussing who has the better ass etc) and open minded in chat. Suddenly, it was just me and Tom in the kitchen. We continue talking about sexuality. I think I was talking about the lack of openly gay soccer players. Suddenly he says "Tbh, I look at some guys and think, yeah i'd fuck you". In my head I'm like "WTF" but just don't really make a thing of it. An hour later, he catches me in the kitchen again, alone. He tells me "Jake, what I told you earlier - I've not told *anyone*, my girlfriend, my best friend (who I both know), the other guys I couldn't tell..." - and suddenly his tone is different and serious. This time I take it serious, said I'm proud of him, and I reassured him I won't tell anyone obviously.
The next day. The four of us come into my room to watch a soccer match. He says "oh wow, I can't remember any of last night" multiple times. Which, I feel like was a little lie/clue to me to not bring it up what he said/forget about it. Uhh, okay. So I ignore it, confused - was all this all drunk/drug talk?
Skip forward a month. Another party. More drugs. I think it was white stimulant this time. I start talking to him alone in his bedroom, and tell him why I've had a shit year (family problems etc), and intentionally left the door open by hinting, saying "look, you've told me some stuff before when you were drunk or whatever, just know you can trust me and I won't tell a soul.", he replies "I think I told you something once one night, didn't I?" and I was like "yuuuup". I didn't expect him to bring it up. He's pretty shy and I felt like he regret ever mentioning it. He says "what was it?", and I was like "you sure you want to know?", and I was like "well, you told me you were a bit into guys", here I was expecting an excuse, "ahh, that was drug talking", but nope. He locked the door and we spoke about it for five minutes. He explained he's never done anything with a guy, and that it's probably (60-40%), he didn't say which thinking about it <_< but I assume 60% straight.
I was shocked. Why? Because I feel like he has a lot to lose. He has a girlfriend. I live with his other two friends, and I'm close his best mate from school who I met him from. I know his girlfriend. I've only known this guy six months.
But again - he was on drugs.
He is such a lovely, but awkward/shy guy when not he isn't on drugs or drinking (as most Brits are...), and he'd struggle to ever talk like he did I think. So I'm a bit lost on how to approach him. We haven't seen each other in a couple of months and have barely spoke via text, I kinda feel like he's awkward knowing-I-know.
The thing is, I'm not really sure why he told me. Sure, being open is great and I'm proud of him. But I don't think he wants to come out to the others - he can't even talk about it sober with me who knows, knows. He says he loves his girlfriend and I believe him, so I don't think he's sexually motivated.
The other guys we live with (six) as of September are all straight (I think o_o), and I don't know what his thought process is going into this year. Maybe he wants to branch out and express themselves - but the six of them are very close as a group and have a bit of a routine where they're almost too reliant on each other socially.
I'm basically confused on how to respond to this guy over the next year living with him. I love him as a friend, and I just hope he doesn't regret telling me. From your experiences, can you see any insight into his thoughts? The second time on drugs talking about it reaffirmed to me it wasn't just drug-talking (you might disagree), but what exactly is my role here? Ignore it unless he ever wants to talk about it? Bring it up casually one day? Just never mention it? As I said, without a drink or drugs he can be really awkward, and normally the daily drug of choice is just weed, which doesn't inspire these type of convos.
Any advice would be really appreciated!
As a site note, this guy isn't a big substance user and very intelligent. Both the two nights reference were birthdays.
I'm 24. Openly gay and confident in my sexuality. I started university last September in a flat of 11 people living together (UK). There were three other guys, 18, 20, and 21. Lets call the 20 year old Tom. Tom has a girlfriend. Tom seemed pretty damn straight to me for four months. He's very much a 'British lad', but he's lovely and a very genuine caring guy. I went through a particularly hard time in my personal life and sadly wasn't socialising as much with the other three guys who got to know each other better and became more of a three smoking up every night. But me and Tom were still pretty close, I got on much better with him than the other two guys on an individual level. We had a lot in common.
Alright, enough of context. One night, we were having a flat party (all 11 of us, with various drugs and alcohol). I'm gay, and a couple of the girls are bisexual. I believe he was on a very loving stimulant chemical at the time. The conversation turned to sexuality and everyone was being quite expressive (the other two guys, not Tom, discussing who has the better ass etc) and open minded in chat. Suddenly, it was just me and Tom in the kitchen. We continue talking about sexuality. I think I was talking about the lack of openly gay soccer players. Suddenly he says "Tbh, I look at some guys and think, yeah i'd fuck you". In my head I'm like "WTF" but just don't really make a thing of it. An hour later, he catches me in the kitchen again, alone. He tells me "Jake, what I told you earlier - I've not told *anyone*, my girlfriend, my best friend (who I both know), the other guys I couldn't tell..." - and suddenly his tone is different and serious. This time I take it serious, said I'm proud of him, and I reassured him I won't tell anyone obviously.
The next day. The four of us come into my room to watch a soccer match. He says "oh wow, I can't remember any of last night" multiple times. Which, I feel like was a little lie/clue to me to not bring it up what he said/forget about it. Uhh, okay. So I ignore it, confused - was all this all drunk/drug talk?
Skip forward a month. Another party. More drugs. I think it was white stimulant this time. I start talking to him alone in his bedroom, and tell him why I've had a shit year (family problems etc), and intentionally left the door open by hinting, saying "look, you've told me some stuff before when you were drunk or whatever, just know you can trust me and I won't tell a soul.", he replies "I think I told you something once one night, didn't I?" and I was like "yuuuup". I didn't expect him to bring it up. He's pretty shy and I felt like he regret ever mentioning it. He says "what was it?", and I was like "you sure you want to know?", and I was like "well, you told me you were a bit into guys", here I was expecting an excuse, "ahh, that was drug talking", but nope. He locked the door and we spoke about it for five minutes. He explained he's never done anything with a guy, and that it's probably (60-40%), he didn't say which thinking about it <_< but I assume 60% straight.
I was shocked. Why? Because I feel like he has a lot to lose. He has a girlfriend. I live with his other two friends, and I'm close his best mate from school who I met him from. I know his girlfriend. I've only known this guy six months.
But again - he was on drugs.
He is such a lovely, but awkward/shy guy when not he isn't on drugs or drinking (as most Brits are...), and he'd struggle to ever talk like he did I think. So I'm a bit lost on how to approach him. We haven't seen each other in a couple of months and have barely spoke via text, I kinda feel like he's awkward knowing-I-know.
The thing is, I'm not really sure why he told me. Sure, being open is great and I'm proud of him. But I don't think he wants to come out to the others - he can't even talk about it sober with me who knows, knows. He says he loves his girlfriend and I believe him, so I don't think he's sexually motivated.
The other guys we live with (six) as of September are all straight (I think o_o), and I don't know what his thought process is going into this year. Maybe he wants to branch out and express themselves - but the six of them are very close as a group and have a bit of a routine where they're almost too reliant on each other socially.
I'm basically confused on how to respond to this guy over the next year living with him. I love him as a friend, and I just hope he doesn't regret telling me. From your experiences, can you see any insight into his thoughts? The second time on drugs talking about it reaffirmed to me it wasn't just drug-talking (you might disagree), but what exactly is my role here? Ignore it unless he ever wants to talk about it? Bring it up casually one day? Just never mention it? As I said, without a drink or drugs he can be really awkward, and normally the daily drug of choice is just weed, which doesn't inspire these type of convos.
Any advice would be really appreciated!
As a site note, this guy isn't a big substance user and very intelligent. Both the two nights reference were birthdays.
