Bothered by Husband

[texan117]

For those of you whose appetites for sex aren't very large or at least aren't as big as your husbands' appetite - would you rather he ask you for sex a lot and you have sex more often than you'd prefer (say weekly) or he not ask for it despite wanting it all the time and be resentful that it only happens every couple of weeks?

While my wife and I were more ravenous in the past, now she has lost interest in sex and when we do it would rather us come quickly instead of having a long, fun, romantic session. I don't want to constantly bother her (which I know I do by asking) but I also don't want to not have sex anymore

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I’d want to know *why* my partner’s interest dropped off.

Not go out and ask random women something only the partner can answer.

 

[KayleynScott]

I would suggest talking with her directly. You’ve been married how long? Communication is always key to a long happy relationship. Everyone changes, and sometimes you need to work out a solution together. You can also try therapy if asking her directly is too difficult.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Your options suck.

I'd rather communicate with my partner and him understand and respect me without "resenting" me for not being able to just turn it on like he can.

I hate it when dudes seem to completely ignore the fact that women generally understand thoroughly how horny you always are. We get it. Really. We do. And not being able to get into it as often with you might make her feel like actual shit.

Then you ask if she should suck it up and fuck anyway or just let you "resent" her?? The fuck is up with your priorities?

If the tables were turned and she was always wet and eager but you couldn't get hard or into it how would you feel?

 

[AllieHeidi]

Here, OP, here's some random woman's answer from 10 years ago, elsewhere, who may or may not share your wife's sentiments. I wouldn't know, none of us do. I've heard it is possible to gain answers through direct conversation with the individual in question, but what do I know? I'm a gay asexual with virtually no experience with men.

Naturally this destroys my common sense when figuring out how to handle such issues.

My Husband is a Sex Pest​

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Hello,

I know that in the big scheme of things that this is hardly a major problem however, this effects me every single day and has become an issue for me - my husbands constant demand for sex.

(a little bit of info) We have been married for 13 years and are nearly 40 years old. We have two young boys and run a family business.

My husband has always had a high sex drive but mine has gone from normal to nothing much and i'm currently dreading each night due to the constant demand and negotiation for sex.

My husband has always wanted sex at least once a day, twice ideally for him. He asks for sex / oral and refers to it through the day which at first was a giggle but over the years has become a demand and is making me feel harassed and pestered!

I usually give in and we have sex each night as if I refuse he asks 'whats wrong'? 'why not?' and starts negotiating with me to get what he wants.

If I still refuse he acts like I have done something awful and goes in a huff or says 'right, I can't sleep then!'.

That's all he seems to want, to 'come' & use me to do it - so I suggested he masturbate each day to give me a break and he says he already does (!)

Some women would think 'i'd love that!' well for years I pretended that I did 80% of the time, but since having my 2nd son 4 years ago my sex drive has diminished further, where as his seems to have increased.

I love my husband dearly and find him attractive but I have to watch what I do so I do not arouse him and invite further demand for sex - i.e cuddles, bending down near him, getting undressed in the same room etc.

I mentioned about setting certain days for sex (to take the pressure off me for the other nights) and he disagreed with this approach. I actually got really upset and we talked about this and me feeling pestered and he backed off for a couple of nights, then it's back to normal again.

Someone suggested 'spicing things up' to get me more involved/interested. Maybe, but I rarely get the chance to build up any desire and i'd rather sleep!

He's generally such a sweet guy and I know there is more to a marriage than just sex.

I'm looking for constructive replies or hearing from anyone who has experienced similar - what did you do?

Thank you,

Gina x

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Source(s): My Husband is a Sex Pest

 

[texan117]

Hey @Tight_N_Juicy @Scarletbegonia and @AllieHeidi why do you immediately assume i haven’t talked to her about this? I’ve respected some of your answers on other questions in this forum and know you get a lot of dickheads attacking you so you get defensive, but this wasn’t one of them.

This is just a guy who loves his wife, has talked with his wife, knows it is a sensitivesubject, and is trying to understand if others have felt this way and what worked for them because sometimes hearing different perspectives leads to deeper clarity on an issue

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I stand by my answer of "your options suck" as for whether we'd prefer to be resented or just suck it up and fuck even when we don't want to.

And I never said you didn't talk to her, I was just stating that I would prefer neither option you gave and I'd rather be with a guy who gives me the option of actually hearing me for my reasons for not being horny and NOT resenting me for it.

Other than that I hope you have a good one.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Hey @Tight_N_Juicy @Scarletbegonia and @AllieHeidi why do you immediately assume i haven’t talked to her about this? I’ve respected some of your answers on other questions in this forum and know you get a lot of dickheads attacking you so you get defensive, but this wasn’t one of them.

This is just a guy who loves his wife, has talked with his wife, knows it is a sensitivesubject, and is trying to understand if others have felt this way and what worked for them because sometimes hearing different perspectives leads to deeper clarity on an issue

Well, if you don’t say, how would we know?

You gave nothing on her view.

And nothing we say necessarily applies to your wife.

Personally, an ongoing talk about out of phase libido is the way forward.