Bottoming without being submissive

[1050059]

So I opened up to my girlfriend recently about enjoying a few dicks in the past. She is extremely bisexual and has had many many threesomes and all that stuff, so she understands the whole hyper-sexual nature of my personality.

She was not upset or thought anything negative of it, especially because I had not disclosed this information to anyone before. She even immediately asked if I wanted to start having threesomes with guys. She's great.

Anyways, the one thing that she had an issue with was thinking of me as bottoming and being submissive. I have a very alpha and dominant personality in and out of the bedroom, which she is extremely attracted to. So, thinking of me in a submissive and beta situation was a huge turn off for her. I had to explained to her that my personality and alpha type of personality did not and has not changed WHATsoever.

I just started thinking about it a lot. Why the fuck can't a normal guy enjoy sex with another guy without being viewed as being submissive or beta. Why? Who ruined this for everyone? It seriously makes me hate the gay community because they have permanently established the image that if you like sex with guys, you are a feminine bitch who wants to be treated as such. Look at every singal gay pride event, walk into a gay bar, hell even have a conversation with 8/10 of them. Lisp, skinny/weak, zero masculinity whatsoever, etc etc.
When you take away every social stigma and meet with a guy who has a compeltely normal (i.e. non flamboyant bitch personality)(which is what I did), it's two people having fun.

I really hate how sex with guys is viewed, I really do. I wish the image wasn't so fucking submissive and lame. Guys like myself should be able to have sex or engage in sexual acts with one another without the beta stigma. Regardless of whether you engage in or support guys banging other guys, the mental image should not be so fucked up as it is.

 

[Jacob84]

I do agree man. I suppose a lot of it is personal preference, but for me, I like fooling around with men becouse they are men, not men pretending to be women. But this is just my personal view.

 

[1050059]

I do agree man. I suppose a lot of it is personal preference, but for me, I like fooling around with men becouse they are men, not men pretending to be women. But this is just my personal view.

1000% Agree.

 

[dickthrobbing]

I don't see that wanting to be fucked by another guy as being submissive, unless you want it to be that type of encounter. It should be about the pleasure and buzz you want; its about finding the right guy(s) to be with.

 

[1115068]

So I opened up to my girlfriend recently about enjoying a few dicks in the past. She is extremely bisexual and has had many many threesomes and all that stuff, so she understands the whole hyper-sexual nature of my personality.

She was not upset or thought anything negative of it, especially because I had not disclosed this information to anyone before. She even immediately asked if I wanted to start having threesomes with guys. She's great.

Anyways, the one thing that she had an issue with was thinking of me as bottoming and being submissive. I have a very alpha and dominant personality in and out of the bedroom, which she is extremely attracted to. So, thinking of me in a submissive and beta situation was a huge turn off for her. I had to explained to her that my personality and alpha type of personality did not and has not changed WHATsoever.

I just started thinking about it a lot. Why the fuck can't a normal guy enjoy sex with another guy without being viewed as being submissive or beta. Why? Who ruined this for everyone? It seriously makes me hate the gay community because they have permanently established the image that if you like sex with guys, you are a feminine bitch who wants to be treated as such. Look at every singal gay pride event, walk into a gay bar, hell even have a conversation with 8/10 of them. Lisp, skinny/weak, zero masculinity whatsoever, etc etc.
When you take away every social stigma and meet with a guy who has a compeltely normal (i.e. non flamboyant bitch personality)(which is what I did), it's two people having fun.

I really hate how sex with guys is viewed, I really do. I wish the image wasn't so fucking submissive and lame. Guys like myself should be able to have sex or engage in sexual acts with one another without the beta stigma. Regardless of whether you engage in or support guys banging other guys, the mental image should not be so fucked up as it is.

I’m not sure the “gay” community made that a reality. I believe society made it that way to shame gay men by relating them to a stereotype. Sure, some men are feminine who may be straight as some women are butch and are straight. This stero type is a shaming device....don’t be gay....people will think you are submissive. I’m not a fan of labels as it comes to sex....we like what we like and that is it. Be it MW, WW, MM, MMW, etc....we like what we like....don’t judge.

I lived in Europe for a few years. I was part of a group of friends where we worked together...in our twenties. A few guys dated men and woman...we all knew...and no one cared. There we no labels...just enjoying company and sex. The US has these hang ups STILL today, but don’t blame this on the gay community.

 

[Mister2101]

So I opened up to my girlfriend recently about enjoying a few dicks in the past. She is extremely bisexual and has had many many threesomes and all that stuff, so she understands the whole hyper-sexual nature of my personality.

She was not upset or thought anything negative of it, especially because I had not disclosed this information to anyone before. She even immediately asked if I wanted to start having threesomes with guys. She's great.

Anyways, the one thing that she had an issue with was thinking of me as bottoming and being submissive. I have a very alpha and dominant personality in and out of the bedroom, which she is extremely attracted to. So, thinking of me in a submissive and beta situation was a huge turn off for her. I had to explained to her that my personality and alpha type of personality did not and has not changed WHATsoever.

I just started thinking about it a lot. Why the fuck can't a normal guy enjoy sex with another guy without being viewed as being submissive or beta. Why? Who ruined this for everyone? It seriously makes me hate the gay community because they have permanently established the image that if you like sex with guys, you are a feminine bitch who wants to be treated as such. Look at every singal gay pride event, walk into a gay bar, hell even have a conversation with 8/10 of them. Lisp, skinny/weak, zero masculinity whatsoever, etc etc.
When you take away every social stigma and meet with a guy who has a compeltely normal (i.e. non flamboyant bitch personality)(which is what I did), it's two people having fun.

I really hate how sex with guys is viewed, I really do. I wish the image wasn't so fucking submissive and lame. Guys like myself should be able to have sex or engage in sexual acts with one another without the beta stigma. Regardless of whether you engage in or support guys banging other guys, the mental image should not be so fucked up as it is.

You make some good points. I too am a masculine, alpha male....who loves to bottom. I'm not submissive at all...but still love to bottom.........I just enjoy the sexual experience........

It is a shame that many still think of gay or bisexual men as weak, feminine or sissies.....just more BS that US society has cultivated over time........many of the men I have met or had sex with have been "regular" masculine guys......

 

[gr8gatsby]

I’m not sure the “gay” community made that a reality. I believe society made it that way to shame gay men by relating them to a stereotype. Sure, some men are feminine who may be straight as some women are butch and are straight. This stero type is a shaming device....don’t be gay....people will think you are submissive. I’m not a fan of labels as it comes to sex....we like what we like and that is it. Be it MW, WW, MM, MMW, etc....we like what we like....don’t judge.

I lived in Europe for a few years. I was part of a group of friends where we worked together...in our twenties. A few guys dated men and woman...we all knew...and no one cared. There we no labels...just enjoying company and sex. The US has these hang ups STILL today, but don’t blame this on the gay community.

As a gay man I agree with this. Stereotypes are there largely as a shaming device. Most of my gay friends over the years have been quite masculine without being overtly so, as if it's a put on. Many of them were also, by their own admission, damn good, and aggressive, bottoms.

When I'm out with a mixed crowd, gay and straight friends, several of the straight guys are often mistaken or assumed to be gay even with wives or girlfriends there, while gay guys like me fly under the radar.

To the OP, don't let the labels hang you up and get in the way of you, with or without your gf, enjoying this exploration. Just be yourself and I believe you'll attract what you're looking for.

 

[Aety]

I'm submissive with men. I think mainly because I'm dominant with women and I want to balance things out. Let go of control and all that. That being said I can bottom without acting sub if my top doesn't care for that. It's all about the d, and when I'm filled up and getting banged, I'm happy either way

 

[UKPianoBoy]

Get out of your own head @TheUnihorn . Have the sex that you want how you want and with whom you want as well. Own your sexuality, own what makes you feel good and sit on some cock if that's what you want. Anyone who would judge you is none of your business and also I doubt they are receiving any orgasms. Why would you listen to people who are jealous? Now, look at yourself in the mirror, say, "My name is (Your Name) and I want (what you want)" . Then follow that up with, is "My name is (Your Name) and I GET what I want) . Look yourself right in the eye. Own your power!

 

[fordonfire]

There are so many problems with this post...

 

[Pumpme]

My wife tells me I must be submissive because I want to have a guy fuck my ass...I keep telling her she doesn't understand that just because that's what pyscologists say it isn't quite how the universe works. My desire to receive isnt a power roll thing, I just know I like having my ass filled and want a real cock in there.

 

[bi2]

Fortunately I enjoy the role of being so submissive and taken from behind by a man.

I find it degrading, humiliating but strangely in a hot and sexy way. I love being overpowered by a man, which is funny, because deep down I know I am almost always been physically stronger than any guy I have been with.

 

[HorseHung40's]

Being submissive is a state of mind, as is being dominant.

If YOU don't feel submissive despite being a bottom, don't let anyone tell you that you are submissive. Just remember that YOU can withhold sex at any time. That makes you dominant.

 

[8806331]

I had a gay experience with a former partner
I was the bottom and makes me think that I was his female

 

[b7ib l 2eir]

I do agree man. I suppose a lot of it is personal preference, but for me, I like fooling around with men becouse they are men, not men pretending to be women. But this is just my personal view.

My thoughts as well.

Too bad people think that being gay equals being feminine and that is the stupidest thing ever.

And being submissive does not have to be the way porn movies show it.

The Alpha and beta roles, one has submitted to the other, but not in a shameful way as media likes to portray it.

I believe part of it falls on men with insecurities about their sexuality, especially a top who thinks that as long as he just tops he is still a heterosexual.

I speak based on men in my area which is the Middle East.

 

[Serplover]

Being submissive is all the pleasure for me

 

[thongboy]

If you are bi and vers like me, the question should never enter your mined

 

[Muchaches]

I know he wrote this almost three years ago and unfortunately as a guest, and I'm a lesbian so not at all the right person to answer this, but what the fuck is up with OP blaming feminine gay men for the way non-straight guys are perceived? Bottoming = feminine, submissive and "weak" didn't start with modern gay men. That perception of masculinity has been around for hundreds of years. Look at the cultures of Ancient Greece and Rome, where being penetrated was seen as an affront to the bottom's manhood, whereas being a masculine, dominant top meant you could, depending on the situation, do basically whatever you wanted and no-one cared. That's nothing to do with the flamboyant gay men who exist today, that's the centuries-old stigma of penetration being seen as feminine and therefore bad.

 

[MNpervert]

Most of the time when I bottom I am pretty aggressive and prefer riding his cock and controlling the tempo. On rare occasions I do feel more fem and want to just get railed by someone. Or if I am just lazy that day LOL

 

[latinluva]

That is a tough one, cause everytime I get a dick in my ass....I turn into a moaning bitch. I get so submissive. Just one of those things I guess!