Cheating

cedarizzo

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My first 3 relationships all had issues with cheating. Each time, I was cheated on first, we would talk about it, it would happen again, and then I would cheat. It was never a good thing. Never healthy for the relationship. It would mean lies were told to keep it hidden. Trust was lost. And it would destroy the relationship.

When I started the current relationship (#4), we remained friends for a few years, didn't really try for a relationship. But things were going really good, so we started being exclusive to each other, he moved in with me. But when we started having problems, we broke up and he moved out. A few months later, we both missed each other, but we knew we couldn't live with each other. He was living an hour away, so we decided to do a semi-long distance relationship. We sat down and talked about if we wanted to be monogamous or open. I told him that my other relationships had always been monogamous and we would ended up lying to each other and cheating. So we worked on being open, being honest and not to lie. Things have worked out. We are still together, 11 years later and our relationship is strong as ever.
 
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Lance V

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My first wife didn't like sex. My second wife liked it too much.

When I finally confronted her on her affairs she confessed but also said she didn't think she could stop. Each one she cheated with was an "exclusive." So she wasn't just cheating on me. She was cheating on each of them as well.

But I too have to confess that I have also been party to cheating as I've had affairs with married women.
 
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Tactfulgal

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Who decided that monogamy should be the norm ?

It's built into our DNA. Sexuality's core survival function is reproduction, and we're hardwired to prefer that our partner be monogamous. For men to ensure the baby is his, and for women to ensure the man doesn't have children by another woman that would divert his resources away. I'm not at all saying that sex should only be for this purpose, or that consenting adults can't enter into different kinds of sexual relationships. But if we're wondering why monogamy is considered the norm, just remember we're only a few thousand years out of the caves. Most of our nature is hardwired.
 

Infernal

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I discovered that I was in an open relationship and didn't know it. My boyfriend at the time said he wanted a relationship, but didn't want to give up casual sex. He just never bothered to discuss it with me first. He traveled once a month or so for work. Sometimes within the US, other times to England, or South America. Turns out he was fucking his way around the world and telling people he was single, then coming home and pretending to be an attentive boyfriend. When I confronted him about it he said he was getting the affection he felt he deserved. It didn't make any sense because we had great sex, but I guess it goes back to not wanting to give up the casual sex. So, I told him if he's telling people that he's single, then he really should be. I heard that it's been a perpetual pattern for him and he's still single all these years later.
 

elklindoxxx

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Out of my own curiosity...instead of going out and cheating consider discussing with your partner the idea of having an open relationship.

I have an open relationship with my partner and we do full swap. Or consider introducing your partner to someone new who you met so you both can have a good time. If you go that route then you'll have to set the ground rules....
 
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Lance V

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I discovered that I was in an open relationship and didn't know it. My boyfriend at the time said he wanted a relationship, but didn't want to give up casual sex. He just never bothered to discuss it with me first. He traveled once a month or so for work. Sometimes within the US, other times to England, or South America. Turns out he was fucking his way around the world and telling people he was single, then coming home and pretending to be an attentive boyfriend. When I confronted him about it he said he was getting the affection he felt he deserved. It didn't make any sense because we had great sex, but I guess it goes back to not wanting to give up the casual sex. So, I told him if he's telling people that he's single, then he really should be. I heard that it's been a perpetual pattern for him and he's still single all these years later.

Sounds like my second wife. But I like the way you put it: we had an open relationship except I wasn't let in on it. She did tell me that I had plenty of opportunity to screw around on her. I said yes, but I unlike you I did not. I asked her if she wanted me to cheat on her, and she actually said she would prefer if I didn't.

So, you're going to quit cheating?

Probably not.

So, you want to use my attorney or get your own?
 
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erpap

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Sounds like my second wife. But I like the way you put it: we had an open relationship except I wasn't let in on it. She did tell me that I had plenty of opportunity to screw around on her. I said yes, but I unlike you I did not. I asked her if she wanted me to cheat on her, and she actually said she would prefer if I didn't.

So, you're going to quit cheating?

Probably not.

So, you want to use my attorney or get your own?
I love the last line of your post.
 

erpap

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My relationship hit hard times for many years due to many issues from insecurities to misinterpretation of each others feelings or lack of and very much so lack of communication. Still together and working on it. We never cheated in person with other people, just online infidelity. And even though it was online and for the sole purpose of getting off since we weren’t having sex... it still can be hurtful. You’d like to think you’re partner would only want you but being human is way complicated at times. And it’s true communication is KEY.
 
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cityjock89

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We’ve been together for 3 years in a non-opened relationship

I was your boyfriend. In the end we split up. It wasn’t the texting so much. More the fact I said I’d stop when I didn’t want to but would rather tell him what he wanted to hear coz I thought it would protect him. But then he caught me sneaking and it was the trust that was broken. In the end i realised we expressed our sexuality differently and it wasn’t fair for me to expect him to just understand my behaviour.

my advice: chat, be totally honest. Being honest can never make things worse
 

Hassall

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It amazes me that people today are so easy to forgive a selfish cheater. There is no excuse period. I have been on the end of a cheater. He was my first boyfriend, my first sexual partner, my first everything. This is a long story, but here it the footnote to it:

We had been together for 7 years... he started cheating on me somewhere around our 4th year. I was not aware of this until we moved into our 7th year. How I found out was thru a blood test...he had giving me HIV. I went into in the hospital that very same week. I was extremely sick and nearly died. Once I was healthy I left him. He is dead now and I am here telling my story...that was 20 years ago.

Dude, I am so sorry. That is a hell of a price to pay for someone else's selfishness.

Where is this etched in stone

I can think of a few perfectly fine relationships where some cheating has gone one

I’m also a very not judgmental guy so people share a ton with me. Plus used to have a occupation where I was got a lot of trusted info (doctor)

there is a lot more cheating going on then you think. And a lot of ....cognitive dissidence....
“I’ve never cheated “
“ what about billy”
“ that doesn’t count because.....insert reason....”
A. I was drunk
B we were on break
C it was a war zone halfway around the world
D. It’s was just a kiss/bj /handy etc.
E... I’ve heard tons they go on forever.... to include just plain not remembering

so much cheating goes on... you would also be shocked at how many kids have different fathers than they thought

people report that about 13 percent of women have cheated on a spouse

30 percent reported by men

but ....... paternity result say different (estimates between 9 and 30 percent(disclaimer that old data from my medical school days...but my experiences.... seems right)

and that doesn’t even include all the fucks, bj, and handjobs that don’t result in pregnancy

and don’t forget the super popular topic on this site.... married men who are not gay but use a cocksucker????!!!! Wtf btw

lots and lots of cheating

This is why they don't do blood type tests in biology classes in school anymore. When little Johnny cmes home from school tells Daddy he's an A+ . Then Daddy thinks,"well....I'm a B- and the wife is O+ so how can this little bastard be A+?????"

When my 2nd marriage was at the end, I didnot want to havesex with her. I had grown to resent her for some very good reasons I will nt go into. I still need sex she says I told her she can go get it. I was simply there for the kids. She had started using drugs again and I wasn't leaving them with her. She was working at Walmart, I was/am disabled and Iwas working from home, selling on the Bay. We were technicall broken up but staying for the kids to have the benifits of both of us raising them. She was seeing 3 different guysat the same time, I didn't care.

We ended up gtting our first cell phones back then, and that chick broke 3 of my cell phones for texting another woman. A woman who lived out of state. I had known her for most of my life, and she was like my big sister. bur the wife,who was sleeping with three different dudes got jealous of a woman 1300 miles away that I've never had asexual interest in. People are fucking weird.... Finish the story out,a mnth later she pulled her weird crazy shit on our youngest daughter. The daughter called social services, andended up finishing raising the kids on my own.... Damn near cured me of women. I'm only recently getting ready to start dating again. I also learned. Never start a relationship based off sex from the start......