I didn't share the entire story as it wouldn't be appropriate to do so, or respectful to her. However, I fully know why my wife and I are 'reconciling.'
You are correct that it is a tremendous challenge for her to understand why I felt so compelled to start meeting up with guys, why it continued, and why I got deeper into it and more open to things. However, you are incorrect that she is playing a bitch role, or that I have no empathy for her.
I worship my wife. The greatest pain I have is that I have hurt this woman. That she has the capacity to work past all this and to accept it is beyond my understanding. She is the sexiest, most awesome and intelligent woman I've ever been with and I am grateful beyond belief that not only do I have a chance to save this marriage but also that together we can build an amazing future.
Regarding that dude, yeah I had to abruptly end it, and how this all went down I needed to cut off communication immediately. I didn't even tell him what was going on...he just never heard from me again. I'm sure he's tried to email me but the account is closed. Yeah, I feel bad about that, but not bad enough to reach out to him for explanation and risk what I now once again have with my woman.
Did I leverage him? Maybe only in the sense that I guided him down the path from wanting to suck dick to being a total cocksucker. This was not a one-way deal...he got exactly what he craved - hot dominant dick turning him submissive and eager to serve.
But that was then...it's no longer in me to play that role. All energy and passion is now directed only to my wife where it should always have stayed, regardless of the marital difficulties that triggered my own actions.