I guess the nature of the impasse isn't really scandalous or anything, so here goes:
Social Media, particularly TikTok is what revived this issue, derived from what at first seemed like a congruent philosophy on PDA and performative acts of love. 1st I'll admit I've never been a fan of either, they don't fit my personality, come off as patronizing, and personally unsustainable for long periods of time. I get for a lot of people this is an important and necessary love language for relationship fulfillment, so I've always been upfront about it, before any significant emotional investment has been made. I've even grown to the point where things like holding hands, greeting kisses, and hugs are commonplace for me in public.
For my wife this seemed sufficient until she started getting more into social media, particularly random interactions with other commenters and content creators. A lot of this stems from us being an interracial couple, and she being extra sympathetic to the "cause" as a consequence of her black husband and children. The white guys that call her a "race traitor" don't make her bat an eye, but something about the black women really strikes a nerve of insecurity within her, generating a need to engage. Now I know these roads, I catch on to the slick comments, and I realized long ago as a black man that doesn't pedestalize non black women nor does not denigrate black women, just happened to marry a white woman(after a overwhelming majority of black gfs), most of this backlash is simple trolling or the lamentations of a few unfortunate women that can't get their romantic lives in order so seek to blame others. To respond is to figuratively get in the mud with pigs, it's never-ending and messy.
Well not only does my wife feel the need to engage(fair enough Lord knows I can go on a political, sexual, or social diatribe all day), which is completely her prerogative, but she seeks to involve me by setting up videos of me saying or doing things strategically that will refute these people's comment. I refused, I told her if it's that serious we have archives of pictures she can glean from, but I don't feel comfortable posing just so you can thumb your nose at some sad insignificant person. I told her that'd be like me posting ass and titty shots of her online because some dudebros insinuated I wasn't getting any sex. That impasse of us explaining our positions to each other is what prompted me to suggest that perhaps we see a therapist to get a better understanding of where we were coming from. When she, our female roommate and my teenaged daughter essentially installed the narrative of me not being emotionally expressive enough it was all good. Once I suggested we speak to a therapist for some clarity in the matter is when her shit hit the fan.
