My wife just admitted to me that she is depressed. She also has very bad anxiety especially when a passenger or driver in a vehicle. That coupled with a low sex drive has been very hard on our relationship. We had gotten into an argument over intimacy issues again. And I started rambling off all the things I've been doing some at her request to make her happy. Compliments, chores,signs of affection, church attendance, vacations and even me going to consuling for anger issues and in her words being over sexed. She is always finding negatives in everything. I mean unnecessary negatives. Would it be wrong to continue to recommend her starting an anti depressant? I have been on them for twenty years and have a pretty good knowledge of them and their side effects. Wellbutrin is very well tolerated and is good for depression as well anxiety. One side effect is a possible increased libido. I told her to call her doc as he may just give her a script over the phone. It may help it may not. Atleast give it a try. She could always switch or stop if Wellbutrin doesn't help. I think it would be great for her and us as a couple. Comments? I don't want to seem pushy.
Depression, anxiety, low libido
- Thread starter merc41
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If you've already suggested it and she didn't want to I'd leave her alone.
I understand your frustration about having a higher sex drive than she does but honestly you're going to have to accept it.
I understand your frustration about having a higher sex drive than she does but honestly you're going to have to accept it.
I suppose I'm confused then...
I just notice a pattern when you talk about her and it's always mentioned that she doesn't want sex as often as you. I agree that both parties are responsible for maintaining a healthy relationship. I don't know what to suggest if you've already had the necessary conversations with her about this.
You say she's "always finding the negatives in everything" but you're also always finding negatives about her. Even if you don't bring them to to her face you have brought them up here frequently enough for me to notice the pattern.
I just notice a pattern when you talk about her and it's always mentioned that she doesn't want sex as often as you. I agree that both parties are responsible for maintaining a healthy relationship. I don't know what to suggest if you've already had the necessary conversations with her about this.
You say she's "always finding the negatives in everything" but you're also always finding negatives about her. Even if you don't bring them to to her face you have brought them up here frequently enough for me to notice the pattern.
Maybe it's time you left her like you said was going to happen before according to your post history and let her have someone who's gonna stop using her lack of sex drive against her
The only negative I've ever had was lack of intimacy. Its the only thing we've ever argued about in our married life. Kids,money, politics,morals we are in lock step. She went through early on set menopause at 37 which probably contributed to the lack of sex drive. She has also walked out of couples consuling twice and quit taking anti depressants once even though her doctor was against quitting. I adore her and don't want her to suffer an unhappy life if it could be helped
Based on your posting pattern about her, no shade, but it seems like the source of her unhappiness is being married to a man who keeps pushing her for sex when she's not feeling her best. It probably makes her feel sexually objectified and dehumanized; worthless if you will. I'm surprised she hasn't up and left by now. I would've been gone. I'm sure it just adds to her depression.
Some of the same point I've been trying to make.
I'm positive she knows he wants more sex. Knowing that probably doesn't make it easier for her to get there. It just puts pressure on her.
He seems to think that she can just flip a switch and want to fuck. Or 'make love'. Whatever.
I wonder...
If you lost the ability to get aroused not only physically but mentally and your partner kept fuckin hounding you for it @merc41 and you *wanted* to be able to satisfy your partner but just fuckin couldn't how would that land in your headspace?
Wanting to make your partner happy and feeling like you can't sucks. It fucking sucks. Maybe just leave her alone and Jack off? I know it isn't the same but you claim to love this woman. Committed to spend your life with her 'for better or worse'.
You two are getting older, correct? Her hormones ARE NOT THE SAME as yours. Accept it or keep making her feel like shit for something she has no control over the same way you have no control over your high sex drive.
If she could flip a switch she probably would. You can't switch it off, stop expecting her to switch it on.
Big time facts, especially on the portion I highlighted. I'll add that she probably wishes there was more emotional support and connection if she's struggling with depression.
One of the biggest ways for women to lose interest in sex is when the emotional connection with their partners is weakened or nonexistent. Couple that with the fact that depression tends to kill libido and you have a recipe for disaster. No doubt the pressure to "be enough for him" can add to depressive symptoms, as well.
Emotional connection, merc. Start there. If she's depressed, her emotions need to be tended to first before her body. Make her feel like a person and the woman you love instead of a project or challenge that needs to be fixed and conquered just so that you can achieve sexual release.
Scarletbegonia
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Perhaps your wife knows how you run her down online.
gems like this:
Post in thread 'Sex Drive At Forty.'
Sex Drive At Forty.
gems like this:
Post in thread 'Sex Drive At Forty.'
Sex Drive At Forty.
Goddamn.
That's sad. Hell, if his wife were bi and closer to my age, I'd offer to take her out of that hell myself. I feel so bad for her. Lesbians are statistically having more orgasms than straight women for a reason. This is not to shit on straight couples but just to highlight an uncomfortable truth: most men don't know how to properly unlock women's true sexuality and desires. They just write them off as "frigid" or "confusing." In reality, if she's pulled away sexually, 99.9% of the time, the man is the problem.
Think about it. If every time you pushed a button on an ATM, 1 million dollars got deposited into your bank account, would you no longer have a desire to keep pushing that button? Would you stop pushing that button entirely? I don't know about you, but I'd be pushing that button for as many times as I was permitted to do so. I'd likely end up getting a letter in the mail from the bank requesting me to give them more time to "get the $1 million back up again, we need a break."
Edit:
This post of his is extremely awkward, now.
Groping ?
That's not as awkward as this one when u dig about LookingGoddamn.
That's sad. Hell, if his wife were bi and closer to my age, I'd offer to take her out of that hell myself. I feel so bad for her. Lesbians are statistically having more orgasms than straight women for a reason. This is not to shit on straight couples but just to highlight an uncomfortable truth: most men don't know how to properly unlock women's true sexuality and desires. They just write them off as "frigid" or "confusing." In reality, if she's pulled away sexually, 99.9% of the time, the man is the problem.
Think about it. If every time you pushed a button on an ATM, 1 million dollars got deposited into your bank account, would you no longer have a desire to keep pushing that button? Would you stop pushing that button entirely? I don't know about you, but I'd be pushing that button for as many times as I was permitted to do so. I'd likely end up getting a letter in the mail from the bank requesting me to give them more time to "get the $1 million back up again, we need a break."
Edit:
This post of his is extremely awkward, now.
Groping ?
Okay. Now, I am very confused. Is he divorced or still married? That was posted in February.
@merc41 You wanna clear this up, sir?
Dude better be pretty good tossing eating word salad and performing mental gymnastics.
I'm not buying the bullshit being twisted every time someone calls him out on it either.
Think we all are at this point
Hmm. Things are certainly not adding up. Perhaps a little test is in order.
@merc41 If you would be so kind as to answer the following question:
Lie is to untrue as McNichols Ave is to _____________.
@merc41 If you would be so kind as to answer the following question:
Lie is to untrue as McNichols Ave is to _____________.
