Difference between Domming and Topping?

[petite]

It seems like everyone is now using the term "Domming" to describe what used to be called "topping." I thought Domming described a more BDSM type of relationship between two people than topping. Has the term topping simply fallen out of use or are people just using Domming incorrectly?

 

[Infernal]

You can be very dominant sexually, but still be a bottom when it comes to fucking. Likewise you can be fairly submissive, but still be the one doing the fucking. The terms can be interchangeable, but I think it depends on the situation.

 

[The Dragon]

Dominant is what you are.
Topping is what you do.

 

[psguy64]

Dominant is what you are.
Topping is what you do.

Never thought about this but what you are and what you do - like this!

 

[petite]

Dominant is what you are.
Topping is what you do.

In that case, is everyone who tops then a Dom or Domme? That doesn't sound quite right... I am asking what is the appropriate terminology for those who do not engage in BDSM, or is the same terminology appropriate for everyone?

 

[D_GlennFeckless]

Influence:
Dom - dictate the activity
Sub - will take orders from the Dom

Engagement:
Active - actively engaged in pleasing yourself & your partner
Passive - are a flesh & blood masturbation toy and prefer to be used as such

Role:
Top - your phallus, or a reasonable facsimile, goes into your partner
Bottom - receptacle(s) for ^

Best when the three factors are complimentary with your partner's, i.e.:
A sub passive top lays back and gets ridden hard by his dom active bottom, in positions that the bottom dictates.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

I will encroach on a treaty to bring you this post...

Dominant is what you are.
Topping is what you do.

In that case, is everyone who tops then a Dom or Domme? That doesn't sound quite right... I am asking what is the appropriate terminology for those who do not engage in BDSM, or is the same terminology appropriate for everyone?

Dragon has it right. As a sub switch i can Dom or sub in either the Top or bottom positions.

Using LPSG people: If Dragon were a gay man if he (she) were still receiving a cock inside would be a bottom, but quite obviously a Dom.

Luka (being the bossy person he is) would also be a bottom but a dm (he flat out will kick you out if you don't take his directions)

Bb is a Dom Top

There are a slew of people who would be mre sub Tops (they like to be topped from the bottom. See Luka as an example of topping form the bottom)

There are Tops and bottoms who are neither sub or Dom. There are some who are both (switch) there are Vers who are top or bottom or both (me)

and that does not even begin to address how active or passive on is.

Foobar covers that:

Influence:
Dom - dictate the activity
Sub - will take orders from the Dom

Engagement:
Active - actively engaged in pleasing yourself & your partner
Passive - are a flesh & blood masturbation toy and prefer to be used as such

Role:
Top - your phallus, or a reasonable facsimile, goes into your partner
Bottom - receptacle(s) for ^

Best when the three factors are complimentary with your partner's, i.e.:
A sub passive top lays back and gets ridden hard by his dom active bottom, in positions that the bottom dictates.

You can have a passive DomTop who likes to lay back and direct his sub bottom to do all the damn work. "Climb on, ease back, hold off" They are still in control but they are being,, and I use this with tongue in cheek and as endearingly as possible, rather lazy. lol

They could be paired with an active sub Bottom. his goal would be to please his partner. He does so by taking orders on how to get the passive Dom top off.

See it is only one value away from the scenario foobar describes. All I did was change the influence values (Dom/sub) form the outside at first glance it may be hard to tell apart, till you listened to who was giving the orders, lol.

Bb, as an Active Dom Top likes Active sub bottoms. He wants a bottom who will take direction, but still be actively engaged (he has described many times that he does not prefer inert lays)He doe not like Active TOP Bottoms (as far as Bb is concerned he is he driver getting you there you can comment and suggest but don't tell him how to drive! LOL)

One may think that he should prefer the passive sub bottom most, but in reading his posts, I think that while he CAN dig them, he gets annoyed if they are so passive as to pass for dead, lol.

so you have:

Active Dom Tops
Active sub Tops
Active switch Tops

Active/passive (A/p) Dom Tops
A/p sub Tops
A/p switch Tops

passive Dom Tops
passive sub Tops
passive switch Tops

Active Dom bottoms
passive Dom bottoms
A/p Dom bottoms

Active switch bottoms
passive switch bottoms
A/p switch bottoms

Active sub bottoms
passive sub bottoms
A/p sub bottoms

Active Dom vers
passive Dom vers
A/p Dom vers

Active sub vers
passive sub vers
A/p sub vers

Active switch vers
passive switch vers
A/p switch vers

27 simple combos

I am the last one:tongue:

* reminds me of D&D alignments, lol

**i wanted to call A/p switch or vers as well but thought it would be confusing! lol there ws a time when vers and switch were interchangeable. We need a one for the third factor (what I call her A/p. Flip perhaps:tongue:

 

[D_GlennFeckless]

^ My brain hurts

 

[Infernal]

^ My brain hurts

Short and sweet - Tab A, goes into Slot B - the rest is just lines on the paper.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

^ My brain hurts

then my job is done...lol:tongue:

oh made a mistake i meant too say Bb would not be paired well with an Active Dom bottom. I put Active Top bottom. noticed to late to edit. Also kept writting form when i meant from (spell check didn't catch it)

I thought i messed up, aas i didn't address people who are neither s/D, T/b, or A/p...but I think that, I will use the D&D analogy a bit more. D&D says that a True Neutral (Neutral Neutral , being neither good/evil or for order/chaos) is someone who either actively strives for balance or someone who can not make that decision between or refuses to or does not consciously and actively pursue it. Animals are True Neutral for the most part, most farmers just trying to make a living, etc are also, as they can't or wont commit. Druids can be True Neutral but they are actively seeking balance.

So those people who dont really see themselves as any role will be lumped with those who actively seek both sides (A/p, Switch and vers)

...

this is what happens when I take time off. I have far too much time on my hands:redface:

Short and sweet - Tab A, goes into Slot B - the rest is just lines on the paper.

spoilsport :tongue:

 

[TheRob]

Dominant is what you are.
Topping is what you do.

well I have heard it refered to as being a Top and Domming someone as well tho
I don't think the terms are interchangable actually
I think that it kind of depends
but in my mind it is like you have it Petite, Doming is more related to BDSM stuff and Topping is just being dominant while having sex
quite different

 

[D_22]

Topping is the person who is inserting. It has nothing to do with who is the "dominant" one in the act. A bottom can be taking it but still be the dominant/aggressor of the session.

 

[D_Chesty_Pecjiggle]

Dominant is what you are.
Topping is what you do.

Right. I can easily imagine a Dominant bottom, or a Submissive top.

So I think, if you're hearing these terms Petite, that you're right and people are using them incorrectly.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Okay, there's a fair bit of confusion going on here due to the different ways the terms top and bottom are used in gay and BDSM terminologies.

Gay terminology uses the words top and bottom to denote who is giving and who is receiving. A gay top is the one doing the inserting, whilst the bottom is the one who is inserted into (weird wording there!). As Nico said, a top could still be the one lying on his back whilst the bottom is on top - top and bottom don't necessarily refer to who is doing the active work. And if a gay person is involved in BDSM, their tendency towards topping or bottoming in gay terminology has nothing to do with whether they are a top or a bottom in BDSM terminology or whether they'll be a sub or a Dom (although in practice gay bottoms seem to be more likely to be subs and vice versa).

BDSM terminology uses the words top and bottom a little differently, and it's basically the way Dragon defined it - it's what you do. In BDSM terminology, bottoms receive spankings, floggings etc., whilst tops give them. It doesn't refer to the power exchange between the two (examples to come in a moment). The words submissive and dominant however (in BDSM terminology), refer specifically to the power exchange.

So, if you have a Dom giving his (or her) sub a spanking, the Dom is topping the sub. But subs can also top their Doms - for instance if they were ordered to give their Dom a spanking (yes, some Dom's are masochists).

As an example, I'm evidently a sub. If Sir ordered me to give someone a spanking (for instance), I would be topping that person. This is hypothetically possible, although unlikely - I really don't think I could top, although maybe I could at an order from Sir. If I tried to Dom someone however, it would be a total disaster. I'd freeze. Or maybe just do such a bad job at it that it would be entertainment for the masses.

Now, if our hypothetical couple were gay, you could have a Dom who was a bottom (in gay terminology), topping their sub. Or a sub who was a top (in gay terminology), topping their Dom. And so on and so on . . .

As an example, Nico is versatile, so he both tops and bottoms (in gay terminology). He is also a switch - he both tops and bottoms (in BDSM terminology), and is a sub AND a Dom, at different times.

Bbucko is a top (in gay terminology), who also tops and is a Dom (in BDSM terminology).

A lot of the confusion just comes from the different ways the gay and BDSM communities use the terms top and bottom.

And apologies to Nico, because his posts sort of went into this, I just think my way of writing it is a little more clear (it may not be though!).

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Okay, there's a fair bit of confusion going on here due to the different ways the terms top and bottom are used in gay and BDSM terminologies.

Gay terminology uses the words top and bottom to denote who is giving and who is receiving. A gay top is the one doing the inserting, whilst the bottom is the one who is inserted into (weird wording there!). As Nico said, a top could still be the one lying on his back whilst the bottom is on top - top and bottom don't necessarily refer to who is doing the active work. And if a gay person is involved in BDSM, their tendency towards topping or bottoming in gay terminology has nothing to do with whether they are a top or a bottom in BDSM terminology or whether they'll be a sub or a Dom (although in practice gay bottoms seem to be more likely to be subs and vice versa).

BDSM terminology uses the words top and bottom a little differently, and it's basically the way Dragon defined it - it's what you do. In BDSM terminology, bottoms receive spankings, floggings etc., whilst tops give them. It doesn't refer to the power exchange between the two (examples to come in a moment). The words submissive and dominant however (in BDSM terminology), refer specifically to the power exchange.

So, if you have a Dom giving his (or her) sub a spanking, the Dom is topping the sub. But subs can also top their Doms - for instance if they were ordered to give their Dom a spanking (yes, some Dom's are masochists).

As an example, I'm evidently a sub. If Sir ordered me to give someone a spanking (for instance), I would be topping that person. This is hypothetically possible, although unlikely - I really don't think I could top, although maybe I could at an order from Sir. If I tried to Dom someone however, it would be a total disaster. I'd freeze. Or maybe just do such a bad job at it that it would be entertainment for the masses.

Now, if our hypothetical couple were gay, you could have a Dom who was a bottom (in gay terminology), topping their sub. Or a sub who was a top (in gay terminology), topping their Dom. And so on and so on . . .

As an example, Nico is versatile, so he both tops and bottoms (in gay terminology). He is also a switch - he both tops and bottoms (in BDSM terminology), and is a sub AND a Dom, at different times.

Bbucko is a top (in gay terminology), who also tops and is a Dom (in BDSM terminology).

A lot of the confusion just comes from the different ways the gay and BDSM communities use the terms top and bottom.

And apologies to Nico, because his posts sort of went into this, I just think my way of writing it is a little more clear (it may not be though!).

I had forgotten till after my post th whole BDSM top/bottom connection (Margaret Cho used to do a routine on it) So the terms got confused. It is much the way that Vers and Swutch used to be interchangeable for gay men who lied both topping and bottoming (in the sexual insertiveness way) before the ter "switch: came to mean soley one who is both Dom and sub. Honestly we need better definitions, lol!

I am tempted to add in the BDSM Top/bottom to my list of possible permutations, but really that would be confusing to even ME! lol :tongue::redface:

And your way is a ton clearer, though mine may be for those who think in my particular tangle web way of thinking:wink:

 

[B_subgirrl]

I'm glad at least one person could make sense of my post! And I understood yours Nico . . . it's just that I know your tangle web doesn't always make sense to everyone :tongue:.

I actually got tempted to add in slave/Master definitions and permutations, but I too thought that might be going too far :tongue:.

Oh, and I should have added to my earlier post that sub/Dom tendencies and top/bottom tendencies (in either terminology) don't necessarily indicate how submissive or dominant your non sex personality is.

 

[MickeyLee]

Top = body/physical

Dom = mind/energy

Top = SM, fucker

bottom = fuckee, sm

Dom = BD

sub = bd

everything else is negotiation. :biggrin1:


sex, i'm a Top, 90% of the time.
kink, an alpha boy.



is so much easier.
i refuse to let Top/Dom go all hanky code.
left/right 5 colors. that's it!!

 

[B_Nicodemous]

I'm glad at least one person could make sense of my post! And I understood yours Nico . . . it's just that I know your tangle web doesn't always make sense to everyone :tongue:.

LOL! That's cuz yah share half me brain darlin'! *brain nuzzles subgirrl*

I actually got tempted to add in slave/Master definitions and permutations, but I too thought that might be going too far :tongue:.

Ah hells bells, i would have loved and hated you if ya did! LOL Loved for the challenge..hated because I would take it as such and have to re-re-do my table chart...lol

Oh, and I should have added to my earlier post that sub/Dom tendencies and top/bottom tendencies (in either terminology) don't necessarily indicate how submissive or dominant your non sex personality is.

Nope. not indicative in the least. Some people are the same, some the complete opposite, some are in the middle. :biggrin1:

I thin if I DID redo the graph I would actually give examples of each but NOT include Top/bottom or Master/slave as an alignment, but mor of a specialty...what the D&D books used to (havent played in forever) call a "Prestige class" :lmao:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Top = body/physical

Dom = mind/energy

Top = SM, fucker

bottom = fuckee, sm

Dom = BD

sub = bd

sex, i'm a Top, 90% of the time.
kink, an alpha boy.



is so much easier.
i refuse to let Top/Dom go all hanky code.
left/right 5 colors. that's it!!

Be glad I didn't design the hanky codes! I would have people using upwards of 70 colors, 13 hankies, and 50 possible body areas to display said hankies, on either left, right or middle positions! :lmao:

 

[petite]

So how would a straight person who isn't into BDSM describe who is the passive or active person in a sexual situation? Would that be topping? Is there another term for it?

I feel like this conversation has gotten away from what I meant to ask and now it's about BDSM when I meant to ask about non-BDSM activity. I believe I understand what it means when it refers to BDSM, it just seems like the language has been co-opted by vanilla people and they're using the terminology incorrectly, or am I wrong about that? Is it so flexible a terminology that someone can say that a man is a Dom even if they're just having some vanilla missionary sex and then a little doggy style and he's really passionate and a little bit aggressive? I swear it seems like that's the case now, like some people think that all sex involves a Dom and a sub...