Do You Think You Might Regret Your Embrace Of Your Asexuality When You Are Older?

mallak

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My point is that there will be plenty of time when you are middle-aged and a senior and have lost your looks, and you therefore will have no choice but to be asexual at that point in your life. Do you think you might regret at that point that you hadn't given sex more of a try when you were younger, and had more options?
 

AVeryAverageGuy

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Ok, I guess I was addressing this moreso to asexuals on the spectrum, who may have some gay or straight to them too, so therefore they have more "choice"

If it was a choice, then by definition it wouldn’t be asexuality. Asexual means you have no attraction or no desire for sexual activity. It’s not that you’re choosing to be celibate
 

Guy-jin

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My point is that there will be plenty of time when you are middle-aged and a senior and have lost your looks, and you therefore will have no choice but to be asexual at that point in your life. Do you think you might regret at that point that you hadn't given sex more of a try when you were younger, and had more options?
You’re confusing “celibate” with “asexual”.

I’m quite asexual and have had quite a lot of sex. The two things aren’t related. Though I am fine with not having sex very often, personally… I end up having it far more than I care to at this point because apparently I’m quite sexy.
 

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I'm already "older" at 60 by many people's standards. I don't at all regret not having plowed every willing female. Instead I embrace being demisexual and only being sexually attracted to whomever I'm in a romantic relationship with.
 

Scarletbegonia

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By that definition I don't think I would be very flattered if someone said they were "aesthetically attracted" to me. I'd feel like a nice piece of furniture or something.

what do you call a cute guy hanging on a wall?
Art.
 

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Scarletbegonia

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Yes, but why would I be discussing the autism spectrum or any other spectrum in an asexual forum? But you're right , I should have been more specific I guess and not assume there is a context.
Some research suggests ASD patients are more likely to be asexual.
 
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You’re confusing “celibate” with “asexual”.

I’m quite asexual and have had quite a lot of sex. The two things aren’t related. Though I am fine with not having sex very often, personally… I end up having it far more than I care to at this point because apparently I’m quite sexy.
“No” is a complete sentence, my friend.
 

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I'm already "older" at 60 by many people's standards. I don't at all regret not having plowed every willing female. Instead I embrace being demisexual and only being sexually attracted to whomever I'm in a romantic relationship with.
Agreeing at almost 53.
I listen to my guy talk about the relationships where his emotional/mental attraction wasn’t that involved and he seems to almost regret wasting the time. And he’s not ace at all.
 
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deleted2696141

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"Aesthetic attraction", is that the same as lust except it doesn't make your penis hard?

Not exactly. The model I tend to use has four main types of attraction (but it's just a model so ofc there's room for exceptions, nuance, etc).

Sexual - when you want to have sex with a perso.
Romantic - when you want to be in a loving relationship with a person.
Platonic - when you want to spend time with the person as a friend.
Aesthetic - when you just think the person is really nice to look at.

That list is from least common to most common in terms of my own experience. And not everyone has to be just one category, the form(s) of attraction can change.

Tbh, it's learning about this more granular approach to attraction that helped me to unpack my own feelings and realise I'm basically ace. Maybe a little bit grey. :emoji_shrug:
 
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deleted2696141

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Imo it's when you look in the mirror and say fuck, I used to look a lot better than this. For me personally that was 35, for others maybe it's 25, yet others maybe it's 80. Bland , general, pc opinion I guess, but that's my true assessment.

Fair.

I would want to add that not feeling attractive in yourself doesn't mean you aren't attractive to other people :blush:

That said I appreciate self confidence can be a big factor in forming relationships.

Romantically and aesthetically I skew towards older people, and that's still the case in my late 30s.
 
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deleted2696141

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By that definition I don't think I would be very flattered if someone said they were "aesthetically attracted" to me. I'd feel like a nice piece of furniture or something.

Again, very fair and I'd agree :joy:

I guess if I were to tell someone I'd be less... clinical about it and tell them I think they're pretty?

Edit: fyi your comment almost made me snort coffee out my nose :no_mouth:
 
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deleted2696141

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Hi sorry for ranting in this thread,I'm sure no one really cares that much but just re-reading my last post I realize it sounds maybe a little douchey, just qualifying that I'm also aware that maybe I wasn't too pretty, and I could have been just flat out physically ugly or unattractive personality, mannerisms, etc. for them too, just wanted to edit myself past the time limit, thanks.

That's okay :)

Tbh that could be interpreted as you experiencing the same feelings ace people do when people are expecting sex from them. The basic idea of them experiencing some form of attraction to you, just not the kind you were hoping for is super relatable :oops:
 
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deleted2696141

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when you are middle-aged and a senior and have lost your looks, and you therefore will have no choice but to be asexual at that point in your life

...ouch! I'm in my late 30s and I felt that.

I don't experience sexual attraction but I do experience romantic and aesthetic attraction. I can safely say, from experience, that being middle-aged/senior is not a death sentence for your attractiveness.
 
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