- Joined
- Oct 11, 2004
- Posts
- 280
- Media
- 49
- Likes
- 5,010
- Points
- 748
- Location
- New York (United States)
- Sexuality
- 80% Gay, 20% Straight
- Gender
- Male
Chapter 1: Ethan's backstory
Growing up, I had always been aware of being different long before I understood what that really meant. The realization wasn’t gradual; it was thrust upon me during one of those warm, endless summers that seemed to last forever when you’re young.
Still innocent to the complexities of adulthood, when my father first noticed something unusual during a weekend at the lake. We were changing out of our wet swim trunks when he paused, his expression changing from casual to concerned in a split second. "Ethan," he said quietly, pulling me aside. "I think we need to talk."
His tone was enough to fill me with dread. What had I done wrong? At home, later that day, he sat me down and tried to explain his concerns. "Son, your development... it's a bit more advanced than usual. I think we should see a doctor, just to make sure everything's okay."
The visit to the doctor was mortifying. Dr. Benson was a kind man with a gentle voice, but that did little to ease my embarrassment as I stood there, subjected to his clinical gaze. "It’s quite rare," he murmured more to himself than to us, measuring and making notes that made no sense to me. "Ethan is developing much faster and... substantially more than his peers. It's nothing to worry about health-wise, but it's certainly out of the ordinary."
My father tried to keep his voice steady as he asked questions, his eyes avoiding mine. "Is there... will he be alright? Normal?" The word 'normal' hung heavy in the air, laden with all the things he didn’t say.
"Yes, he’s perfectly healthy," Dr. Benson reassured us, offering a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. "He might just attract a bit more attention. It will be important to talk about this, help him understand and cope with his development."
The ride home was silent. My father was a man of few words at the best of times, and this revelation seemed to have stolen whatever words he had left. I felt isolated, marked by a difference I hadn’t chosen and didn’t want. The doctor’s words, meant to reassure, only underscored my fears. More attention? I didn’t need any more eyes on me.
That night, lying in bed, I felt a mix of fear and anger. Why me? I didn’t want to be different. I wanted to disappear, to be invisible rather than the subject of whispers and stares.
The years that followed were a series of awkward encounters and hushed conversations. Group showers were a nightmare. I mastered the art of changing quickly, of not drawing attention, but the uncomfortable glances and the whispered comments followed me like shadows.
Despite the assurances that I was healthy, the feeling of being an anomaly persisted. It wasn’t until college, with the fresh start it promised, that I began to see a glimmer of acceptance.
Growing up, I had always been aware of being different long before I understood what that really meant. The realization wasn’t gradual; it was thrust upon me during one of those warm, endless summers that seemed to last forever when you’re young.
Still innocent to the complexities of adulthood, when my father first noticed something unusual during a weekend at the lake. We were changing out of our wet swim trunks when he paused, his expression changing from casual to concerned in a split second. "Ethan," he said quietly, pulling me aside. "I think we need to talk."
His tone was enough to fill me with dread. What had I done wrong? At home, later that day, he sat me down and tried to explain his concerns. "Son, your development... it's a bit more advanced than usual. I think we should see a doctor, just to make sure everything's okay."
The visit to the doctor was mortifying. Dr. Benson was a kind man with a gentle voice, but that did little to ease my embarrassment as I stood there, subjected to his clinical gaze. "It’s quite rare," he murmured more to himself than to us, measuring and making notes that made no sense to me. "Ethan is developing much faster and... substantially more than his peers. It's nothing to worry about health-wise, but it's certainly out of the ordinary."
My father tried to keep his voice steady as he asked questions, his eyes avoiding mine. "Is there... will he be alright? Normal?" The word 'normal' hung heavy in the air, laden with all the things he didn’t say.
"Yes, he’s perfectly healthy," Dr. Benson reassured us, offering a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. "He might just attract a bit more attention. It will be important to talk about this, help him understand and cope with his development."
The ride home was silent. My father was a man of few words at the best of times, and this revelation seemed to have stolen whatever words he had left. I felt isolated, marked by a difference I hadn’t chosen and didn’t want. The doctor’s words, meant to reassure, only underscored my fears. More attention? I didn’t need any more eyes on me.
That night, lying in bed, I felt a mix of fear and anger. Why me? I didn’t want to be different. I wanted to disappear, to be invisible rather than the subject of whispers and stares.
The years that followed were a series of awkward encounters and hushed conversations. Group showers were a nightmare. I mastered the art of changing quickly, of not drawing attention, but the uncomfortable glances and the whispered comments followed me like shadows.
Despite the assurances that I was healthy, the feeling of being an anomaly persisted. It wasn’t until college, with the fresh start it promised, that I began to see a glimmer of acceptance.