Falling in love with straight guys

[Ki_re478]

I feel like, forwhever reason, I'm only attracted to straight guys. I'm bisexual and have life a primarily straight life up until my early 20s. I'm 24 now and have come out as bi to a very large amount of my friends but have had very limited experiences with guys simply due to the fact that every guy I'm
Attracted too or have feelings for turns out to be straight.

I'm currently in the situation now actually; I recently moved to Australia to get my masters degree and I met a group of brazilians that I instantly started getting along with. One of them Quickly became my best friend here (let's call him "L"). Anyway, I ended up moving into a house with a group of people (one of them being L). My roommate (not L) is slightly homophobic so I ended up not telling anyone that I was bi just so I wouldn't have to deal with the bullshit that would come with my roommate finding out.

Over the next few months L and I became very close and it's rare for me to bond with someone like this so fast regardless of gender. A few times I would get mad at myself for essentially going right back into the closet and back to keeping secrets from such great friends (I'm very close with everyone in the house, even my homophobic roommate). L would always notice instantly that I was upset and ask me what's wrong, even though I would deny it.

The other day we all went to a club for a friends birthday and while I was drunk I decided I needed to tell L I was bi, and I wanted to do it right away before I changed my mind. But, being at a club, I couldn't exactly get alone time with him so I sent him a long text message. He never looks at his phone so I thought he wouldn't read it until we got home, Possibly even the next morning. But he went to the bathroom and I guess he read it there cuz when he came back he put his arm around me and told me he saw my message. He told me it's okay and that it's doesn't change anything and all that other stuff, he started laughing at me for being so shy about it cuz at the time I really just wanted the entire moment to end as I wasn't prepared to be dealing with this at a club (suppose that's my own fault however lol) he also told me two of his best friends back home are bisexual and that it's actually very common in Brazil. He also told me that he's not however, and from the feeling that I got at those words I realized how strong my feelings for him actually are, I kept my composure though and told him "I know".

Later that day L got kicked out of the club because he started kissing a girl in the girls bathroom and got caught by the bouncer and I followed him out. He was really shaken and angry and I had to calm him down because he wasn't really kicked out as much as he ran out, according to him the bouncer tried to hurt him but he escaped and ran away. After talking to him for a while we got hungry jacks (Australia's name for Burger King) and went home.

He stayed true to his word, he hasn't acted any different towards me (maybe even nicer if anything) and we've hung out a lot since then.

I hate this though, I hate how every time he puts his hand around me I have to fight the urge to turn my neck and kiss him. I hate how my day is automatically improved the moment I see him. I hate how every time he sees me he greets me like I'm an old friend he hasn't seen in years. I hate that he walks around in a pikachu costume at home because he uses it as his pajamas and that he sits on a chair like night crawler from x-men. (Alright I realize this became a nonsensical rant so I'll stop there)

And it's always like this, he's not the first guy that I've fallen for that was completely straight. In fact, every guy I've ever fallen for ended up being straight. I'm starting to think that I only fall for people that I have 0% chance with (even with girls. I've had a lot more luck with girls but even with them I lean towards falling for girls out of my league or already have boyfriends.... And that one time I fell for a lesbian :/ ) L accepted me so I have no choice but to accept him as well, so I'm never going to try to do anything that would just ruin our friendship. That doesn't make it any less painful though.

Idk why I wrote this, maybe for advice or if someone is in a similar situation as me would wanna share.

 

[michaang]

Unfortunately I keep finding myself in the same situation as you. I'm gay but have so far only really fallen for straight friends (and just updated the situation with my best friend right now). I have dated other guys and may be going on second date with one guy I met last fall pretty soon, but trust me I know exactly how you feel.

I'm only attracted to masculine guys, and by 'masculine' I mean without a lisp and no effeminate habits or flamboyance. Just an average guy next door type of personality is what I find attractive. The unfortunate part about this, is this tends to be straight guys because those who are into men are closeted, don't realize it yet, or never come up on my gaydar.

 

[dude_007]

You're young. Life will have many twists and turns. Enjoy it all

 

[Ki_re478]

Hey Aaron, yeah I've read your story. We deff are/have been in very similar situations.
I prefer "masculine" as well when it comes to guys and I know that's at least a factor for my problem. I've gone on two dates with guys and both were failures. The first one I forced myself to go on even though he wasn't my type and we didn't click at all. And the second guy I met online and didn't go much better.

And while I sit here angry at myself L keeps sending me hilarious texts, which are somehow managing to make me feel both better and worse at the same time -_-

 

[luvguyz]

Good advice dude 007. That sums it up. I absolutely fell in love with a straight friend in 2002. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time, and took me years to "get over". I remember the first instant I saw him, and that was it for me. It was love at first sight. Maybe a week or two later, our paths crossed and we struck up a convo and hit it off like we had been friends for years and the rest was history. We hung out a bunch of times over the next 2-3 years and I always felt like we were on a date hahaha. Oh well......Anyway, as dude 007 said, just enjoy the ride.

 

[mikeyinbrooklyn]

While I often find myself attracted to straight men, there are gay men I find attractive. I have a few pointers to others afflicted with this misdirected-attraction problem. 1) Don't obsess over what isn't available to you, concentrate on what is. 2) Determine why you are attracted to straight guys (do you like more masculine men? Are you afraid of commitment and are therefore safer in the company of guys you can't have?). 3) Don't obsess over finding someone. Most people who find a keeper stumbled upon them; a good man is not usually found while hunting for one, but instead when going about your regular daily life. Keep your eyes and your mind open. It'll happen when it happens.

 

[aqua-illusion]

I have definitely been in the same places as others with being attracted to straight men, which gay/bi man hasn't? The reason we're gay/bi is because we are attracted to other men and what they are, so its more than expected that the traits of a straight man will flick our switches unfortunately.

 

[Ki_re478]

I wish i could just finally meet someone that i acutally have a chance with. I'm scared that ill end up ruining things with L if i dont find a way to get over him in the romantic sense. Part of me was hoping this would be easier on the other side of the planet but i somehow managed to just end up in a nearly identical situation to where i was right before moving to australia. -_-

 

[brody]

I wish i could just finally meet someone that i acutally have a chance with. I'm scared that ill end up ruining things with L if i dont find a way to get over him in the romantic sense. Part of me was hoping this would be easier on the other side of the planet but i somehow managed to just end up in a nearly identical situation to where i was right before moving to australia. -_-

I have been in the exact same situation as you. Found straight guys more attractive, and I fell in love with a straight roommate. Very convenient - no need to fear that he would return my feelings, because he was 100 % straight.
However, the painful situation I was in, finally made me realize that I had to move - and move on. Not all masculine guys are straight, some are bisexual some are even gay.

 

[hrdhatdad]

I believe that like is attracted to like whether or not it's a friendship or a relationship. I can relate to this. My straight friends accept me as one of them because my masculinity is the same as theirs. Although I try to keep an open mind and meet guys that are more stereotypically gay (mannerisms, voice, interests), I eventually lose interest or feel that I'm with a totally different animal than myself. Fortunately, I haven't fallen for a straight guy since college but it can be very lonely being a square peg in both worlds.

 

[Reddhott]

Tl:dr

I have two thoughts on this. First, it's a numbers game. More men are straight than not. Unless you start hanging out exclusively with bi/gay guys, that will just be a fact.

Second, it's not really a bisexual problem. If you are continually being attracted to people who are unavailable for whatever reason, there is something in you avoiding having a real relationship. You need to figure that out.

 

[SnapperLondon]

One of my first big adult crushes was on a straight guy I knew through work. We did not directly work together, but I used to task jobs to him from a control room and on night shifts, we would have a chat and stuff as we were equally bored or had nothing to do. Over time, it became a friendship and we met in person at work, then outside of work, went to the cinema together, dinner and stuff, and he was very, not flirty, but maybe a little more open and "touchy feely" than I had ever experienced from a straight man. Even at my age now, I am not that experienced with relationships or men, and was terribly confused about what it all meant and the likes.

He used to go to the gym, a lot, and would occasionally send me the odd selfie picture or gym pose picture, showing off a muscle or two, which or course, served no purpose to me, apart from to make me even more confused about the whole thing.

I changed jobs and was away one year over christmas as part of the job, and I never really drank alcohol, but on this trip I had a few drinks with dinner and then a couple more later, which was a lot for me. He text me that evening and we were pinging messages back and forth, and although I don't remember the conversation thread, eventually, I said something along the lines of "I hope you are harder to fall out of the "L" word with, than you were to fall into it…", and I never heard from him again.

As stupid as this sounds, I was gutted. I knew that I should not have said it, and it was all mine, and the alcohols fault, but I missed him terribly. Still do.

But, that is all in the past now, but it did make me very wary of falling for anyone, incase I got it as spectacularly wrong again.

 

[Ki_re478]

Reddhot, your right, it's a multitude of things. I was a fucked up child when I was younger (single abusive parent senario) I've had terrible relationships with girls (getting cheated on, etc.) and my first love whom I never fully got over passed away in October. I'm a little nervous to date a guy mostly because I've only dated girls so far but it's something I really want to explore. if I find someone I'm actually interested in and manage to click with then I think it could work, but I'm starting to feel like that will never happen :/. Anyone know where I could meet someone in sydney that wouldn't be interested in just sex? Lol

 

[Ki_re478]

One of my first big adult crushes was on a straight guy I knew through work. We did not directly work together, but I used to task jobs to him from a control room and on night shifts, we would have a chat and stuff as we were equally bored or had nothing to do. Over time, it became a friendship and we met in person at work, then outside of work, went to the cinema together, dinner and stuff, and he was very, not flirty, but maybe a little more open and "touchy feely" than I had ever experienced from a straight man. Even at my age now, I am not that experienced with relationships or men, and was terribly confused about what it all meant and the likes.

He used to go to the gym, a lot, and would occasionally send me the odd selfie picture or gym pose picture, showing off a muscle or two, which or course, served no purpose to me, apart from to make me even more confused about the whole thing.

I changed jobs and was away one year over christmas as part of the job, and I never really drank alcohol, but on this trip I had a few drinks with dinner and then a couple more later, which was a lot for me. He text me that evening and we were pinging messages back and forth, and although I don't remember the conversation thread, eventually, I said something along the lines of "I hope you are harder to fall out of the "L" word with, than you were to fall into it…", and I never heard from him again.

As stupid as this sounds, I was gutted. I knew that I should not have said it, and it was all mine, and the alcohols fault, but I missed him terribly. Still do.

But, that is all in the past now, but it did make me very wary of falling for anyone, incase I got it as spectacularly wrong again.

I'm sorry that happened to you :/. I feel like if I told L how I felt about him (I suspect he already knows) he would still be my friend but it would definitely create a rift between us simply because he would actively avoid doing anything that would make it worse for me.

 

[Reddhott]

Reddhot, your right, it's a multitude of things. I was a fucked up child when I was younger (single abusive parent senario) I've had terrible relationships with girls (getting cheated on, etc.) and my first love whom I never fully got over passed away in October. I'm a little nervous to date a guy mostly because I've only dated girls so far but it's something I really want to explore. if I find someone I'm actually interested in and manage to click with then I think it could work, but I'm starting to feel like that will never happen :/. Anyone know where I could meet someone in sydney that wouldn't be interested in just sex? Lol

I can relate. Family can seriously fuck with your head.

I'm not in the position to deal with the bisexual part. And I'm sure it muddies the water. But it seems like the first step is to be comfortable in your own skin. You can't expect people to know who you are sexually if you don't know. And not every emotional connection with a man will be sexual. Trust me on this

 

[Ki_re478]

I believe that like is attracted to like whether or not it's a friendship or a relationship. I can relate to this. My straight friends accept me as one of them because my masculinity is the same as theirs. Although I try to keep an open mind and meet guys that are more stereotypically gay (mannerisms, voice, interests), I eventually lose interest or feel that I'm with a totally different animal than myself. Fortunately, I haven't fallen for a straight guy since college but it can be very lonely being a square peg in both worlds.

That's how I feel like exactly, I want someone I can relate with and I usually have little to nothing in common with fem guys.

 

[hotdogmustard]

Is this not the function of masturbatory fantasy? There are bunches of women and dudes after whom I lust who, realistically, I will never have sex with. I don't have false illusions. I do, however, have a frequently hard cock that makes no concern with reality. Fantasize about whomever you want. But chasing people who are not likely to return an interest because you are gay and they are straight or whatever the categories you have devised does not seem a worthwhile pursuit. My basic rule of thumb in all cases: masturbate. It has this funny way of clearing the pipes and the mind. And put yourself in positions in which you are likely to meet the people who really turn you on. For example, if you lust after rock climbers, go train yourself in rock climbing and see who you meet. Doing so would seem to increase your chance of meeting Mr. Right.

 

[MisterSlave]

Dear: Ki

There is a concept known as "crying at the moon". . As a gay man, I can say that going after straight men is a recipe for disaster. Its a good way to loose friends, (speaking from experience here), and perhaps even get yourself hurt, or worse.

A str8 man, would not reciprocate feelings of romance and intimacy of another male. (if he did, I dare say he probably would not consider himself 100% straight anymore).

Now you did not ask for an alternative option but I will recommend one to you anyway. . Why not look to "butch" men. .. Masculine bisexual, or gay Males. . there are some men in gay culture into a concept of Hyper-masculinity as a fetish. . if you like masculine, why not go for one of those (types). . there are also some Bisex men who just consider themselves "sexual beings" and fuck everything. I suggest the masculine camps of gay and Bi, because, their orientations then would be geared for compatability for either sex, or relationship with you.

Misterslave

 

[Ki_re478]

Is this not the function of masturbatory fantasy? There are bunches of women and dudes after whom I lust who, realistically, I will never have sex with. I don't have false illusions. I do, however, have a frequently hard cock that makes no concern with reality. Fantasize about whomever you want. But chasing people who are not likely to return an interest because you are gay and they are straight or whatever the categories you have devised does not seem a worthwhile pursuit. My basic rule of thumb in all cases: masturbate. It has this funny way of clearing the pipes and the mind. And put yourself in positions in which you are likely to meet the people who really turn you on. For example, if you lust after rock climbers, go train yourself in rock climbing and see who you meet. Doing so would seem to increase your chance of meeting Mr. Right.

Oh L has been part of my fantasies for a while now,especially after seeing the xl condom in his bedroom. But the thing is that it's not just lust, I have actual romantic feelings for him that masturbating won't cure.

I know going after him or any other straight guy would just end in failure and I already said that I wouldn't ever make a move on him or anything as I don't want to lose him as a friend.

I feel that if I were able to find a masculine gay/bi guy I could definitely be attracted to that person. But finding a gay/bi guy who wants something more than sex seems to be hard enough. And once you factor in my preferences..... Well I end up exactly where I am now.