Feeling Like I Have A Split Personality

[1588121]

It might have been covered already on here but something that I often end up feeling is being torn between wanting a real monogamis relationship with a sweet guy and moving in together and building a life together, and then there's this side (when I'm horny of course) who just wants to be the biggest slut and do what I feel like and just hooking up and testing out kinks and stuff...

And what I guess I'm getting at, if anyone els recognize any of this, how do you deal with it? It usually ends up making me a bit sad after hooking up when I've been crazy horny because I really just wants to focus on finding the real guy rather than that but yeah...

 

[shard38]

I used to be like that (and probably still am). My former relationships were always open and we played around a lot. Former boyfriend was the same and we went to all sort of parties and were never monogamous. My new partner went along with it, because everything was new to him. But after a while he said to me he didn’t feel comfortable in an open relationship anymore. He had no need for parties or threesomes, he was most happy just being with me. So I decided to give it a chance and start being monogamous with him. I haven’t missed playing around with others at all. Just looking at him makes me convinced everything I need is right beside me. Maybe it will change in the future, but for the past year it has been great.

 

[5307911]

Find an open relationship.

There are a surprisingly large number of guys in the community who are exactly in your shoes. It is just a matter of finding them.

Now, from my own perspective, I am in a long-term relationship that has gradually opened to an extent over time. It was a slow evolution, and fairly limited, but it suits what we want.

Other people start a relationship being polyamorous from the beginning. I find that more and more, it is more common and socially acceptable. For instance, the upsurge in the swinging lifestyle. It isn't a secretive, taboo society from the 70s anymore.

It might be more expedient to make a list for yourself, to visually put down what you want, what your limits are, and what the deal breakers entail. You don't have to go to minute details, but try to iron out, generally, what you envision. Why? Because when you go out looking for someone, you should be able to have a conversation about it. If what you have in your head syncs with what the other person also wants, then it might be a better match out the gate. It will save time, frustration, and the pain of an early break up.

Advertising might be a better way to get it all out there. I'm not sure what they have in Sweden, but there must be half decent dating sites. Spell it out. If your are honest with who you are, and who you are looking for, your chances to meet a better match increase. People that want to chat will, and those that are looking for something else will wander elsewhere.

I don't normally say to go online as a first avenue for dating, but sometimes it is a better way to find like-minded people, if you are looking for something not as vanilla.

Anyway, good luck!

 

[halcyondays]

It's human biology. Our species did not evolve lifetime or even long term pair bond behavior. We're just not that way instinctually. Otherwise you'd bond with someone, never look elsewhere and never want anyone else.

The split isn't in your personality.