Fellating The Ego - The Truth About Dicks

[918177]

True. He might get frightened and think it's witchcraft

We all know where that ends. Your semi-concave pits won't be enough to save you.

I have read a rumor on a armpit forum that if i find myself in that predicament that throwing xxx rated armpit porn dvds
and steak in the opposite direction and it will give me enough time to get out of the immediate area.
Of course this is a rumor and I haven't tried it myself but it's always good to have a back up plan.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

My guy and I got a family friend an adult mag for his birthday a few years ago, it came with a DVD.

We threw it on just to see what it was... It was just women rubbing butter on each other's armpits and licking it off.

We looked at each other like, "WHAT THE FUCK???", had a giggle about it and threw that shit away.

Sorry, all the armpit talk just brought that memory back into the ol' noggin. Sometimes I wish I could delete memories like computer files... That crap is taking up valuable space in my brain.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I never before noticed I have puffy armpits before. I'm gonna smoke a cigarette, drink a whole bottle of crappy chardonnay, and ugly cry now.

I remember a dude being disappointed that my breasts were natural. He was not a fan of the fact that my vulva is puffy, the outer labia concealing everything else. His exact words were, "What did you do to it?" I was so confused. Was I supposed to go on a violent spree?

My preference changes all the time. Seems whoever is giving me the most satisfaction resets them.

 

[deleted924715]

I have read a rumor on a armpit forum that if i find myself in that predicament that throwing xxx rated armpit porn dvds
and steak in the opposite direction and it will give me enough time to get out of the immediate area.
Of course this is a rumor and I haven't tried it myself but it's always good to have a back up plan.

You know, I think there may be some truth to this.

It's been thought that mens actions are governed by their brains - not so.

They are merely a collection of different urges over which they have no control. His dick will pull him in one direction his stomach in the other - he'll rotate on the spot until he passes out and your path will be clear.

Anyway, this is a sisterhood and we've got your back. I'll smuggle you out in my concave pits of he's a vegan or something and if that fails I'll hold him at bay with my pointy elbows while LaFemme squirts breast milk in his eyes and you can run. We got ya.

 

[918177]

You know, I think there may be some truth to this.

It's been thought that mens actions are governed by their brains - not so.

They are merely a collection of different urges over which they have no control. His dick will pull him in one direction his stomach in the other - he'll rotate on the spot until he passes out and your path will be clear.

Anyway, this is a sisterhood and we've got your back. I'll smuggle you out in my concave pits of he's a vegan or something and if that fails I'll hold him at bay with my pointy elbows while LaFemme squirts breast milk in his eyes and you can run. We got ya.

Such a huge relief.
Thank you.
The sisterhood' pick-up squad does vital work and is funded by membership dues.

 

[LaFemme]

You know ladies, some armpit lover is wanking to this thread.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

You know ladies, some armpit lover is wanking to this thread.

I wonder if the choice of lube would be melted butter..

 

[918177]

You know ladies, some armpit lover is wanking to this thread.

Wouldn't be surprised in the slightest.

 

[AlteredEgo]

You know, I think there may be some truth to this.

It's been thought that mens actions are governed by their brains - not so.

They are merely a collection of different urges over which they have no control. His dick will pull him in one direction his stomach in the other - he'll rotate on the spot until he passes out and your path will be clear.

Anyway, this is a sisterhood and we've got your back. I'll smuggle you out in my concave pits of he's a vegan or something and if that fails I'll hold him at bay with my pointy elbows while LaFemme squirts breast milk in his eyes and you can run. We got ya.

It's raining to hard to drive, so I'm reading this thread, cackling like a witch in my car. But this. This post doomed me. I might die in this parking lot. I'll either choke on my water, or give myself a stroke. Too funny.

Quick! Someone use some flat armpits to do chest compressions!

 

[Taya]

Same story different day. That is not directed at you LaFemme.
"All women prefer large penises given a choice"
Says who? Men. Without self confidence. Hung, average, small. All with no confidence.
Put the words in women's mouths and blame them. 99% of size discussions are started by men and guess who have the majority in contribution. Let me think...

Ladies here have said it all but I'll try to elaborate from my own experience.

Hung - Knows he is. Has a "Hollier than God" attitude. Usually hammers away thinking the more you hurt the greater the pleasure. His twisted ego has a bigger orgasm than both of you combined. Or lies back and expects you to do the lifting, heavy or not, and will come along the way. Usually before you. Needs to be squeezed at the bottom to make up for the now soft member. "He usually lasts for two days but your body had this strange effect on him tonight." Yawn.
Conclusion : His ego is bruised because deep inside, he knows he is one rotten horizontal performer and now needs a distraction to keep the attention away from his failure, yet needs a praise for himself. What better topic than "Those women and their obsession for big ones". Trump would be ashamed with envy.

Average & small - Quite the contrary, they will work their asses and penises off to "make up" for the extra length and girth they think is necessary. If you can't have an orgasm "There it is, I am small" If you have one mind boggling orgasm or more "She is faking it because I am small"
Conclusion : Same as above. "If it weren't for those women, I'd be the best lover in the world" Well, he could be. Or at least be a contender if only it weren't for that nasty "little" thought stuck in his head since puberty.

I know it is a strange analogy but the penis reminds me a of car and sex is like a ride with it.
Which is better? A fast but quick lap with a powerful car and an F1 driver or a long slow ride in the country with a regular car with Average Joe driving?

I'll fellate and inflate their ego or at least try if they need it and if I believe they deserve it.
I'll try not to lie about anything that happened just before unless necessary. And NEVER EVER humiliate a guy or hurt his feelings due to a condition beyond his control and preference.

Hard work and good behaviour will be rewarded. In words and action. And usually beyond their hopes and expectations. That, I am capable of with or without a big penis involved.

 

[918177]

@Mr. LPSG is prob. reading this thread wondering WTF.

It's been a while since we've been this playful.
Back to old normal.
Feels good.

 

[deleted924715]

It's raining to hard to drive, so I'm reading this thread, cackling like a witch in my car. But this. This post doomed me. I might die in this parking lot. I'll either choke on my water, or give myself a stroke. Too funny.

Quick! Someone use some flat armpits to do chest compressions!

@LaFemme !!!!!! We need you!!!

 

[693987]

Well, someone else can be the sexy distraction to balance my cooking. I have no bikini bridge and my armpits aren't very concave. I'll throw food one way, and someone can run the other way when our contoured armpits are discovered.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Conclusion : His ego is bruised because deep inside, he knows he is one rotten horizontal performer and now needs a distraction to keep the attention away from his failure, yet needs a praise for himself.

A dickstraction, if you will.

 

[Taya]

A dickstraction, if you will.

*Rolls on the floor, laughing and trying not to pee*

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

*Rolls on the floor, laughing and trying not to pee*

Dickstracted by the Cocktical illusions...

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

@Mr. LPSG is prob. reading this thread wondering WTF.

It's been a while since we've been this playful.
Back to old normal.
Feels good.

Anyone reading this thread all at once might pass out from the inability to stop fucking laughing...

 

[Taya]

Anyone reading this thread all at once might pass out from the inability to stop fucking laughing...

As it is happening to me, thanks to you and Altered Ego.

 

[918177]

Well, someone else can be the sexy distraction to balance my cooking. I have no bikini bridge and my armpits aren't very concave. I'll throw food one way, and someone can run the other way when our contoured armpits are discovered.

The sisterhood will have a sniper on the roof with a dart gun loaded with cone shell venom if things get too hectic.
Cone shell venom will drop a bull T-Rex. Jurassic Park wouldn't lie about thinks like that.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I've been trying to come up with some ridiculous terms for male body characteristics just for the sake of fuckery. (You know, like "bikini bridge" and "thigh gap" etc)

I can't, cuz my brain just doesn't work that way.