Findom advice - when does findom cross the line into something more?

[sam.t.knox]

Seeking advice on my personal situation involving a findom daddy.

Putting aside for one moment the discussion about findom, the ethics of it, etc... I have been chatting online to a man for about 2 years now. Throughout that time the nature of our discussions has increased and decreased over time, due to various factors, but the past 4-5 months or so it has increased in frequency and intensity. He acts like a findom alpha, and I am his sub. Of course this involves me paying for his meals sometimes and sending cash during some role plays.

But, over time, the amount of money spent by me to him, and the frequency of cash being spent, has reduced significantly. We are now at the point where I spend basically nothing in cash, and we maintain some element of the dom/sub relationship, but on the whole we have entered a new type of relationship. This is where I need the help!

We are now messaging one another every day, at least two sessions a day. He sends me voice messages about his day, asks me about my day, etc. Occasionally our conversations will get personal, but just for a moment or so, before he re-adjusts and backs off a bit.

I feel like we've entered a very precarious situation. At least during the peak of our findom fantasy stage, there was a level of logic about it - he flirted with me, I sent money or gifts to him, he appreciated it in a flirty way, the transaction concluded, we both got off - yay.

Now - it almost feels like it's more a friendship or dare I say it, something 'else'. I am very cautious that I don't want to over-think this, given our previous findom status. HOWEVER, it's getting to the point where the amount of time I spent engaging with him per day is reaching the level where I need to decide if it's worth it or not. Like... what's the deal?

He does the 'good morning' and 'good night' messages to me like someone I am dating would. He checks in on me when he knows something is up. But he'd never admit to being another more than my findom alpha. And that's fine, but how do I check my assumptions, protect myself, and just figure out what the hell this is morphing into?

 

[chefigo]

I agree with putting aside discussion about findom, although in this case it's maybe important to note that a lot of doms are quite fucked up and they are using findom for a reason. It could be that they are lonely and this gives them attention that they yearn for, etc. In this case, it might be that you are solving this loneliness without him having to do the whole dom/drain thing.

Is he still exerting control over you? Obviously in findom the control/domination is normally mostly exerted using money but is also often includes control of your actions and your life. If he still has control in other ways, e.g. he always knows where you are, you have to check in with him constantly, and he makes decisions for you, then maybe he is happy with that. From your post, it seems that is not really what you are after?

As with everything, communication is key. Speak with him, mention that the frequency of the drains has gone down and ask him if he's changed how he feels about findom or the D/s relationship.

And yes, definitely protect yourself and be careful. Number one thing.