For any trans/non-binary people out there, I need a little advice

[DaveyBoySmith12345]

So about me first, I'm not trans or NB. I'm a cisgender gay male who has very much been pro-trans rights and a strong ally. I have had trans colleagues and acquaintances, who I've always gotten along with (and I've even dated a trans guy for a bit but it just didn't work out, but not due to him being trans, we were just in very different places and I don't think we gelled well). Anyway, I have a trans/non-binary flatmate (I suspect male to female as they have mentioned they are going through transition despite also being NB).

I have no problems with using they/them pronouns which they have stated are preferred, but I have slipped up today and accidentally said "he" but I immediately corrected myself to they (I was introducing them to a friend). A part of me feels extremely bad for this because the reason they left their parents and have ended up with me was because their parents aren't accepting of their transition, but they didn't seem too bothered by it either, because I think they saw I made a mistake and appreciated the immediate correction, but do you think I should actually apologise, or I'm just making too big an issue over it?.

Despite having trans colleagues / friends in the past, this is actually my first experience knowing a non-binary person so I'm determined to be respectful and get it right, but you know, old habits die hard I guess, and sometimes my mouth runs away with
me. What do you folks think?

 

[Lover3649]

So about me first, I'm not trans or NB. I'm a cisgender gay male who has very much been pro-trans rights and a strong ally. I have had trans colleagues and acquaintances, who I've always gotten along with (and I've even dated a trans guy for a bit but it just didn't work out, but not due to him being trans, we were just in very different places and I don't think we gelled well). Anyway, I have a trans/non-binary flatmate (I suspect male to female as they have mentioned they are going through transition despite also being NB).

I have no problems with using they/them pronouns which they have stated are preferred, but I have slipped up today and accidentally said "he" but I immediately corrected myself to they (I was introducing them to a friend). A part of me feels extremely bad for this because the reason they left their parents and have ended up with me was because their parents aren't accepting of their transition, but they didn't seem too bothered by it either, because I think they saw I made a mistake and appreciated the immediate correction, but do you think I should actually apologise, or I'm just making too big an issue over it?.

Despite having trans colleagues / friends in the past, this is actually my first experience knowing a non-binary person so I'm determined to be respectful and get it right, but you know, old habits die hard I guess, and sometimes my mouth runs away with
me. What do you folks think?

misgendering is a part of the experience, even as I’ve changed my pronouns I’ll use the wrong ones from time to time. It’s not about being right all the time, it’s about showing that you care, and that you respect them enough to correct yourself and keep slip-ups to a minimum. gender is incredibly important, but it is also just one facet of identity, so try not to dwell on it excessively. basically just be a good flatmate, and respect them, and enjoy living with them! one misplaced “he” is not that deep.

if you’re curious for whether they’re transmasc or transfem, first of all it’s none lf your business and either way it should not affect how you treat them. that being said I am incredibly nosy and willing to enable that behavior in others! keep an ear out for how they talk about the medical part of their transition, do they mention T or E? do they talk about injections/gels (more often ftm) or pills/patches (more often mtf)?

also, an incredibly valid way of approaching it is just asking how they feel about their gender and what they want out of transition. as long as it doesn’t feel forced or clinical, communication is incredibly validating and enriching when people are willing to listen!