Hey, so since I was like 12 or 13 (when I started watching porn), the thought of gay sex has really turned me on. I started looking at videos and really got turned on fantasizing about being a bottom. I enjoy watching gay porn more than straight to this day (I'm 27). My problem, without fail, is after I orgasm, I immediately regret having done it. For a short time after I don't like or desire gay sex at all. I have since had sex with other men, as a bottom, and seriously enjoyed it until it was over. I just get out of there and regret what I did. I ALWAYS come back for more though. I've had sex with more men than women although nobody is any wiser to it. Does anyone else feel this way? Am I really bisexual or gay at all or what do you think?
having trouble with regret and shame after porn or sex...
- Thread starter redheadbtm86
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I felt this way after I would masturbate to gay porn before I had come to terms with my sexuality. I would be thinking to myself something along the lines of, "Why am I turned on by this and not what I 'should' be attracted to?" Thinking I should be attracted to women instead of men, because I was still trying to live the life that my dad had laid for me.
You'll feel guilty about something if you think it's wrong, or if you could have done it differently and better, or if you're stuck worrying about the past and not concerned about the present or future. I can't tell you what you think you did wrong; I think you need to figure those specifics out on your own.
However, if I had any right to "diagnose" the root of the "problem," I would think that you're not comfortable with your sexuality. And that's perfectly okay. A lot of us have been there - I've been there. And we all live our own life at our own pace.
I don't think any sexuality is a crime. But who can define who/what you like beside yourself? You say that you've "seriously enjoyed" your sexual encounters with other men. I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying yourself - why feel guilty about it? I think there's no need.
You also don't need to be concerned about labels. Just try to learn yourself, and I think as long as you don't hold yourself back, the rest will fall into place.
But as long as you continue to feel guilty about something you like, you will hold yourself back.
That's all just my opinion, at least. I am not very well-versed in life, so perhaps others may have more worthwhile opinions and suggestions. But I think I can relate to what you described, and the solution for ME was to become more comfortable and confident in my sexuality. Whether or not it could be a solution for you, as well, is for YOU to determine.
P.S. And, for what it's worth, welcome to LPSG.
You'll feel guilty about something if you think it's wrong, or if you could have done it differently and better, or if you're stuck worrying about the past and not concerned about the present or future. I can't tell you what you think you did wrong; I think you need to figure those specifics out on your own.
However, if I had any right to "diagnose" the root of the "problem," I would think that you're not comfortable with your sexuality. And that's perfectly okay. A lot of us have been there - I've been there. And we all live our own life at our own pace.
I don't think any sexuality is a crime. But who can define who/what you like beside yourself? You say that you've "seriously enjoyed" your sexual encounters with other men. I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying yourself - why feel guilty about it? I think there's no need.
You also don't need to be concerned about labels. Just try to learn yourself, and I think as long as you don't hold yourself back, the rest will fall into place.
But as long as you continue to feel guilty about something you like, you will hold yourself back.
That's all just my opinion, at least. I am not very well-versed in life, so perhaps others may have more worthwhile opinions and suggestions. But I think I can relate to what you described, and the solution for ME was to become more comfortable and confident in my sexuality. Whether or not it could be a solution for you, as well, is for YOU to determine.
P.S. And, for what it's worth, welcome to LPSG.
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MuscledHorse
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DUde that feeling of shame is the result of social programming that you are still suffering from. There is nothing wrong or unnatural about I indulging in sexual hunger--it's a defining male attribute if you step back and look critically at society as a whole,gay or straight. This socially induced guilt thing people are rasied to have about their bodies and their basic sexual desires no doubt accounts for the huge amount of drug and alcohol use that goes on so people can tolerate living with themselves through the self loathing about themselves they've been made to feel. Remember always, every time your cum, it is perfectly natural, and animals do it all the time. Guilt and shame are social constructs and you need to let them go and know that what you are doing is totally natural and totally good. If I felt guilt for the literally thousands of guys I have gotten to enjoy sex with in my life I'd have committed suicide long ago or been so doped up I couldn't function. Accept your hardwiring as human animal and don't fight it. Once you do that you will enjoy the ride in ways you never imagined.
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MisterSlave
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I will just say this. . Why Regret it. . you enjoyed it. . he felt good too. . . If it is a matter of (religious guilt) or societal. . I always try and remind my friends this. . because its how I live.
It doesn't matter how you live your life. its yours to live.
Those who cast judgements upon you are in and of themselves (sin-ing) because, the only being that is to cast a judgement upon anyone would be Saint-peter or the divine, or (higher being) depending on your religious views. It is not up to Mortals to cast a moral-religious judgement upon others because at one point or another we all SIN.
Its a matter of trying to live a good live. helping and having compassion for others, not judging. I like having sex with dudes. . It adds a positive life experience for me and it adds one for them. . and THAT, is not a bad thing.
Misterslave.
It doesn't matter how you live your life. its yours to live.
Those who cast judgements upon you are in and of themselves (sin-ing) because, the only being that is to cast a judgement upon anyone would be Saint-peter or the divine, or (higher being) depending on your religious views. It is not up to Mortals to cast a moral-religious judgement upon others because at one point or another we all SIN.
Its a matter of trying to live a good live. helping and having compassion for others, not judging. I like having sex with dudes. . It adds a positive life experience for me and it adds one for them. . and THAT, is not a bad thing.
Misterslave.
heirtothewind
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I believe that religious upbringing and social opprobrium which still exists in rural conservative communities may be interfering with your enjoyment of your preferred sexual desire.
I agree with the posts of MuscledHorse and MisterSlave.
I agree with the posts of MuscledHorse and MisterSlave.
malakos
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A straight buddy told me he had guilt after jacking and looking at porn. It was due to his church. My point was what is the point of the church that teaches shame. My idea was he needed to edge and not cum. Stop before the shame and take your time like a gift. So you change your brain set. It worked
I feel some gay men still do this today. You run into someone in public who you have had sex with and they look at you like you have three heads for being cordial. I used to feel guilty so I understand what is going on. A lot of therapy and self esteem building it took. I have now been with my husband, partner, greatest gift for just shy of 6 years.
I agree with Catharsis' "diagnosis" (and everything else he wrote, for that matter). It sounds like the problem isn't with sex or porn but with your acceptance of your sexuality.
It sounds like you're definitely gay or bisexual. I think that's fantastic, and I think you deserve to watch gay porn and fuck guys and love it. But I don't think you'll get over the shame until you find the way to accept and celebrate your sexuality.
It sounds like you're definitely gay or bisexual. I think that's fantastic, and I think you deserve to watch gay porn and fuck guys and love it. But I don't think you'll get over the shame until you find the way to accept and celebrate your sexuality.
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