Hook Up Culture

[Susanonyc]

I’m a bisexual man by the way. Fully attracted to men and women.


Anyway, I wanted to open a discussion on hook up culture. I’m fairly young, and people my age are always hooking up with people from tinder, Grindr, hinge, or whatever app they use. And I’ve always wanted to be a part of this same hook up culture people my age are so immersed in. But yesterday while I was showering in the gym, I sorta hooked up with this guy who was clearly into my big dick. Now while I have done this before, and so much more in gym saunas pre-covid, I felt disgusted. I still feel disgusted now. Like I feel like I’m going into a state of depression because I feel gross. Maybe hooking up isn’t for me. I always imagined myself more romantic, but I was always open to the idea of hooking up randomly, until yesterday afternoon. Maybe it’s because he isn’t my type at ALL, but I’m not sure.

And it made me realize that hooking up can be really dangerous. In the shower I got my cock sucked, and I sucked the guys cock for a bit, but that was it. But shortly afterwards, I realized that I don’t know this guys STD status. He could have god knows what, and I just gave him oral and got oral from him. I’m mostly afraid of contracting herpes since it’s the most common sexually transmitted disease out there. And just the thought of contracting some kind of illness has been making me feel even worse. Like I don’t even feel like myself anymore. I’ve done this in the past with guys who I found smoking hot, and the thought was still there, but I never beat myself up so badly about this before.

And i vowed that from herein out, I won’t be hooking up with anyone anymore.

What are your thoughts on hook up culture, and the dangers of it? Do you mind? Do you participate in it? Feel free to explain.

 

[deleted8783471]

I don't participate in it for all of the reasons you listed. As a gay male, it makes dating a lot more difficult. Hookup culture unfortunately is the norm, so even if you click with a guy he's not going to stay interested if you don't want to have sex immediately. Gay guys are too used to fucking first, asking questions later. If you question this you just get called a prude or a slut shamer.

 

[iambravo]

Lifes a rsk

 

[halcyondays]

For hookups I have always reduced risk by using condoms for penetration. My biggest risk has been unprotected oral which I receive far more than I give. Getting tested four times a year keeps tabs on my status.

Risk? Yes. Reduce it. Manage it.

 

[Welshcross]

Totally feel you on this. I've always had a love/hate relationship with hook ups. Part of me enjoys the actual sex part of hooking up as I'm single, but after the meet end up in a spiral of hating myself for doing something that I now see as dirty and disgusting, and end up in a panic over if I've caught who knows what, that last until I get my self checked out at the local sexual health clinic.

One way I found to combat it slightly is to have just the one regular guy to hook up with that I know is clean. We don't meet often, as I find the idea of sex more appealing than the actual act on times. So try to wait till I can't stand it any more and need action sex vs just jerking off over the idea of it. Doesn't fully help as sometimes we still get in the spiral of self hate after meeting them, so try and limit when I meet them. But is a compromise to try and deal with the two sides i have regarding sex.

 

[WilliamG]

Hookups... How cute.
In the pre-interweb days we called this a "one night stand". My life before marriage involved so many of these. I'd meet someone at a bar, party, or thru a friend of a friend. Now for me, this was only with women. Always wore a condom (I was more scared of a pregnancy than STD's). Didn't wear one for oral sex but that's me "living on the edge". Do you feel the same way when you hookup with a woman (if you have)?

 

[theplayerking]

I still feel disgusted now. Like I feel like I’m going into a state of depression because I feel gross. Maybe hooking up isn’t for me. What are your thoughts on hook up culture, and the dangers of it? Do you mind? Do you participate in it? Feel free to explain.

If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it. Personally I prefer casual hookups, but not everyone does. I know I like them because of the validation I feel being accepted by a stranger. I think a lot of gay men feel like outsiders among men, either among straight men because we’re gay or gay men because we’re not hot enough.

When they’re good, hookups can make that pain go away, at least for a little while, because you’re being accepted as a man by a man. However, if they cause you more pain, they’re definitely not worth it.

 

[Qazrol]

This thread is interesting. However, there are still guys who wants to do the dating process.
I used to hook up, now I enjoy more the dating before sex.
Sure some guys will leave as soon they realize it is not an easy hook up. Others will stay.

 

[ArabicBottom]

While dating/having a bf would be fantastic for me, there just isn’t a realistic way for me to find that (especially with the things I want in a relationship) living where I live. I do have FWBs that I do things with other than take it up my ass, but that’s the most I can hope for. Plus I’ve always liked exploring with new guys and getting to experience their fucking for the first time. It’s a major turn on for me. Hook up culture can be very shallow and toxic, it’s not for everyone. You just gotta communicate clearly what you want out of it with the other person