How do you ask your (potentially) closeted friend if they are interested in hooking up?

[Dmz726]

I have a friend who I suspect is closeted and I’ve had a crush on him for a while. How do I talk to him about being attracted to him?

For context:
There have been times I have felt intense sexual tension between us but I’m not sure if it’s one sided. Like when we go in for a hug it almost feels we are about to go in for a kiss. It feels like we both kind of look at each others lips and shy away from it.
I want to tell him that I’m attracted to him. I know the obvious answer is “just tell him” but it’s a little more complicated than that.
He was an undergrad while I was a grad student a few years ago and our dynamic is still kind of mentor/mentee. He comes to me for advice both professional and personally. I don’t want to lose that aspect of our relationship because I care for him and like helping him.
But I am also really attracted to him so if there is potential for something to happen I’d welcome that.

Should I tell him how I feel? Should I make a move? Should I leave it and be his friend? What do you all think?

 

[JD__OL992]

Or do what I did, everytime you try to bring it up he shuts down, years after, you move out and never speak to each other again, lol.

Jokes (mostly) aside, I'd say talk before you make a move, at least to let it out, keeping those thing it's gonna rot you inside for years and even it's not reciprocated from this part assure him you don't wanna lose the friendship.

 

[38long]

I want to tell him that I’m attracted to him. I know the obvious answer is “just tell him” but it’s a little more complicated than that.

Hmm, actually, it's not. We find a lot of excuses when we are afraid of doing something. But sometimes we complicate things entirely because of useless speculation.

Consider that if he is not, start the conversation respecting a possible boundary. I have been asked this a few times, actually, and when the question is straightforward and I notice the other person wants to keep the friendship and settle their doubts, it's not the end of the world. I simply say, 'no'. And I ask why and then I try to refrain from 'teasing' by accident. And that's that.

Now, if he is, problem solved.

 

[theplayerking]

I have a friend who I suspect is closeted and I’ve had a crush on him for a while. How do I talk to him about being attracted to him?

For context:
There have been times I have felt intense sexual tension between us but I’m not sure if it’s one sided. Like when we go in for a hug it almost feels we are about to go in for a kiss. It feels like we both kind of look at each others lips and shy away from it.
I want to tell him that I’m attracted to him. I know the obvious answer is “just tell him” but it’s a little more complicated than that.
He was an undergrad while I was a grad student a few years ago and our dynamic is still kind of mentor/mentee. He comes to me for advice both professional and personally. I don’t want to lose that aspect of our relationship because I care for him and like helping him.
But I am also really attracted to him so if there is potential for something to happen I’d welcome that.

Should I tell him how I feel? Should I make a move? Should I leave it and be his friend? What do you all think?

We need more context. Are you out to him? Is he gay?

 

[Dmz726]

We need more context. Are you out to him? Is he gay?

I am out to him but he hasn’t said anything about being gay, straight, or anything. Honestly starting to think he is just asexual. But his family is religious and I think that makes things difficult for exploring that side of him.

 

[chrissal480]

If you are openly gay toward him .. and you all hang out together a lot .. alone.. just bring up that you notice he isn’t with any guys or women.. and that he’s to good looking to not be with anyone..

See his reaction..

That way you aren’t crossing the line to hurt your friendship..


If it was me I’d tell him I think he’s hot and if ever wanted to date or whatever that you’d keep it a secret ..

 

[Jacksbiguncutcock]

I have always dressed to show off my cock, tight shorts and no underwear. It’s hard to miss my big cock, and anyone that likes a big cock will get the right idea!!!

 

[Dmz726]

All great suggestions. I just feel weird straight up saying something to him about it! I feel like I want him to mention something so I can respond, but he never will. He’s a shy guy, and like i said he was a undergrad while I was a grad student so there’s a bit of a weird dynamic.
I’m sure the chemistry I feel when we talk is just platonic friendship love because he trusts me and opens up to me, but it sometimes feels like more.

Idk. We have the potential to meet up for a convention in a few months and I want to say something then. But I am afraid if this goes bad he is going to tell other colleagues, former professors, or someone that will look super bad on me.
Has anyone done something like this and had success? Or at least no negative side effects?

 

[Dmz726]

I have always dressed to show off my cock, tight shorts and no underwear. It’s hard to miss my big cock, and anyone that likes a big cock will get the right idea!!!

tragically I’m not in the same area as him so I can’t do that in person. But there were a few moments like that when we were seeing each other daily. Like once we were standing close and I could tell he was a little hard in sweats I think he saw me looking because he adjusted to try and hide it.

One time he also randomly showed me vacation photos him shirtless and kind of lingered on the photos lol That was actually the first time I ever saw him without a shirt and I think about those photos all the time. What I would do to see him with even less on

 

[Adrian520]

I have a friend who I suspect is closeted and I’ve had a crush on him for a while. How do I talk to him about being attracted to him?

For context:
There have been times I have felt intense sexual tension between us but I’m not sure if it’s one sided. Like when we go in for a hug it almost feels we are about to go in for a kiss. It feels like we both kind of look at each others lips and shy away from it.
I want to tell him that I’m attracted to him. I know the obvious answer is “just tell him” but it’s a little more complicated than that.
He was an undergrad while I was a grad student a few years ago and our dynamic is still kind of mentor/mentee. He comes to me for advice both professional and personally. I don’t want to lose that aspect of our relationship because I care for him and like helping him.
But I am also really attracted to him so if there is potential for something to happen I’d welcome that.

Should I tell him how I feel? Should I make a move? Should I leave it and be his friend? What do you all think?

As someone who has gone through that scenario multiple times in life, I understand how you feel. If you were friends first and you value that friendship, then maybe have a conversation before just making a move. Speaking for myself, my brain has a way of changing interactions with straight guys to make me feel like it was a completely different scenario. Straight men mostly are comfortable around their friends just like we are lol and you might be mistaking vibes. You never know til you ask but I would definitely have a conversation first.

 

[Dmz726]

As someone who has gone through that scenario multiple times in life, I understand how you feel. If you were friends first and you value that friendship, then maybe have a conversation before just making a move. Speaking for myself, my brain has a way of changing interactions with straight guys to make me feel like it was a completely different scenario. Straight men mostly are comfortable around their friends just like we are lol and you might be mistaking vibes. You never know til you ask but I would definitely have a conversation first.

That is my thought too! I also feel like he hasn’t had a deep meaningful friendship with another guy because he usually hangs out with straight men who, from my experience, don’t really express their emotions too much. He has come to me for a lot of life dilemmas and cries about stresses of his final semester of undergrad.
I think I’m definitely reading into this. I’m sure it’s just a strong friendship love…but I really can’t stop thinking about what it would be like. I keep imagining what it would be like if he said yes.
tbh i don’t even want a relationship. He is younger than I am and, being in my mid 30s, could never see myself seriously dating someone in their mid 20s. He’s just so hot.

 

[Dmz726]

If you all will indulge me for a moment, I’d like to tell you what I’d like to happen if this all went down lol

There’s a convention he and I, and a bunch of colleagues, attend every year. It’s a great weekend where we meet up for seminars, keynote speakers, events, and of course fun out with friends.
Every year we all end up exploring around the city. But there was a year it ended up being the two of us alone for a while, before our friends caught up to us. During that time we were standing really close together and talked really intimately. At the end of that trip was when we went for a hug and it almost felt like we were going to kiss.

So I imagine this year there would be a moment like that again. We would split off the group and we would start talking about something not work related. Maybe about how much fun he’s having and how great it is to get away from school and work.
I would eventually work up the nerve to say how cute he looks that night. He would blush and brush it off but I would tell him how long I have thought he was cute. How since the first day we met I have had a crush on him.
There would be a moment of awkward tension before he says he’s been questioning his own sexuality for a while. He tells me that he has had some thoughts about what it would be like with another guy.
We would move closer but our friends show up. I tell him I’d like to talk about it later and we travel back to the convention center.
We would sit next to each other during the final keynote speaker of the evening. Legs gently touching. He would whisper to me to meet up again to finish our conversation. We would walk around while he tells me about how he’s been questioning and eventually we’ll find ourselves in a quiet place out in the city and we’ll kiss.
Now it’s late and he’ll tell his friends he is sharing a hotel with that he is staying in my room because I have an extra bed. But that bed wont be used at all.
When we leave from this trip there will be a longing in our eyes because of the night we shared but an understanding that we can’t be together like that. He’ll still call for advice and I’ll still be there to help him.

 

[Adrian520]

If you all will indulge me for a moment, I’d like to tell you what I’d like to happen if this all went down lol

There’s a convention he and I, and a bunch of colleagues, attend every year. It’s a great weekend where we meet up for seminars, keynote speakers, events, and of course fun out with friends.
Every year we all end up exploring around the city. But there was a year it ended up being the two of us alone for a while, before our friends caught up to us. During that time we were standing really close together and talked really intimately. At the end of that trip was when we went for a hug and it almost felt like we were going to kiss.

So I imagine this year there would be a moment like that again. We would split off the group and we would start talking about something not work related. Maybe about how much fun he’s having and how great it is to get away from school and work.
I would eventually work up the nerve to say how cute he looks that night. He would blush and brush it off but I would tell him how long I have thought he was cute. How since the first day we met I have had a crush on him.
There would be a moment of awkward tension before he says he’s been questioning his own sexuality for a while. He tells me that he has had some thoughts about what it would be like with another guy.
We would move closer but our friends show up. I tell him I’d like to talk about it later and we travel back to the convention center.
We would sit next to each other during the final keynote speaker of the evening. Legs gently touching. He would whisper to me to meet up again to finish our conversation. We would walk around while he tells me about how he’s been questioning and eventually we’ll find ourselves in a quiet place out in the city and we’ll kiss.
Now it’s late and he’ll tell his friends he is sharing a hotel with that he is staying in my room because I have an extra bed. But that bed wont be used at all.
When we leave from this trip there will be a longing in our eyes because of the night we shared but an understanding that we can’t be together like that. He’ll still call for advice and I’ll still be there to help him.

Idk man. Ive been in a full blown fantasy made up relationship with a straight friend before. We can create situations in our heads is all im saying. But imagine if it was mutual feelings lol. I need more context. Are you out? Does he know your sexual orientation? That could mean a world of difference.