How do you ask your (potentially) closeted friend if they are interested in hooking up?

[Dmz726]

I have a friend who I suspect is closeted and I’ve had a crush on him for a while. How do I talk to him about being attracted to him?

For context:
There have been times I have felt intense sexual tension between us but I’m not sure if it’s one sided. Like when we go in for a hug it almost feels we are about to go in for a kiss. It feels like we both kind of look at each others lips and shy away from it.
I want to tell him that I’m attracted to him. I know the obvious answer is “just tell him” but it’s a little more complicated than that.
He was an undergrad while I was a grad student a few years ago and our dynamic is still kind of mentor/mentee. He comes to me for advice both professional and personally. I don’t want to lose that aspect of our relationship because I care for him and like helping him.
But I am also really attracted to him so if there is potential for something to happen I’d welcome that.

Should I tell him how I feel? Should I make a move? Should I leave it and be his friend? What do you all think?

 

[JD__OL992]

Or do what I did, everytime you try to bring it up he shuts down, years after, you move out and never speak to each other again, lol.

Jokes (mostly) aside, I'd say talk before you make a move, at least to let it out, keeping those thing it's gonna rot you inside for years and even it's not reciprocated from this part assure him you don't wanna lose the friendship.

 

[38long]

I want to tell him that I’m attracted to him. I know the obvious answer is “just tell him” but it’s a little more complicated than that.

Hmm, actually, it's not. We find a lot of excuses when we are afraid of doing something. But sometimes we complicate things entirely because of useless speculation.

Consider that if he is not, start the conversation respecting a possible boundary. I have been asked this a few times, actually, and when the question is straightforward and I notice the other person wants to keep the friendship and settle their doubts, it's not the end of the world. I simply say, 'no'. And I ask why and then I try to refrain from 'teasing' by accident. And that's that.

Now, if he is, problem solved.

 

[theplayerking]

I have a friend who I suspect is closeted and I’ve had a crush on him for a while. How do I talk to him about being attracted to him?

For context:
There have been times I have felt intense sexual tension between us but I’m not sure if it’s one sided. Like when we go in for a hug it almost feels we are about to go in for a kiss. It feels like we both kind of look at each others lips and shy away from it.
I want to tell him that I’m attracted to him. I know the obvious answer is “just tell him” but it’s a little more complicated than that.
He was an undergrad while I was a grad student a few years ago and our dynamic is still kind of mentor/mentee. He comes to me for advice both professional and personally. I don’t want to lose that aspect of our relationship because I care for him and like helping him.
But I am also really attracted to him so if there is potential for something to happen I’d welcome that.

Should I tell him how I feel? Should I make a move? Should I leave it and be his friend? What do you all think?

We need more context. Are you out to him? Is he gay?

 

[Dmz726]

We need more context. Are you out to him? Is he gay?

I am out to him but he hasn’t said anything about being gay, straight, or anything. Honestly starting to think he is just asexual. But his family is religious and I think that makes things difficult for exploring that side of him.

 

[chrissal480]

If you are openly gay toward him .. and you all hang out together a lot .. alone.. just bring up that you notice he isn’t with any guys or women.. and that he’s to good looking to not be with anyone..

See his reaction..

That way you aren’t crossing the line to hurt your friendship..


If it was me I’d tell him I think he’s hot and if ever wanted to date or whatever that you’d keep it a secret ..