How Do You Spot A Guy Who's Only Pretending Not To Be Sexist?

[JBrown61]

I'm curious about this, because especially in some areas of the United States- like where I live in New York, for example, where socially progressive attitudes run stronger- there's a phenomenon of guys who try to hide more obvious sexist behaviors or even call them out, but later on the truth comes out that they're creeps or high-key disrespectful. Like the title and the article linked here, what are some giveaways that a guy is disingenuous about being a supportive partner or being supportive of women? How do you suss out misogyny and sexism in guys who try their best to hide it?

Alternatively, what are some green flags that a guy is actually working to improve on their subtle or less subtle misogynistic attitudes (which is most men, myself included, given how ingrained misogyny is in most cultures across the globe)?

Also, since I realize the irony of this thread potentially leading to malingerers changing their strategy should they come across it, how do you test for misogyny in ways that a guy can't just avoid by reading an article on fake feminists and trying to avoid those behaviors?

 

[deleted924715]

Honestly... I go with my gut

 

[Scarletbegonia]

They always out themselves.
No tips given here.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

This is a hard one, because it's complicated as fuck.

A whole lot of racists truly don't think they are or understand how they are in fact racist. I think the same applies for misogynists. Some of them truly do think they're *for* women's rights and that they are the "good guys" when in reality they do the same shit open woman haters do.

They see us as potential sex, and not much else. They think we need a man to be complete. They think we're all overly emotional. Just because someone says the words "I think women are equal to men" doesn't mean they truly believe it and internalized it to be reality. The saying actions speak louder than words is relevant as fuck.

 

[MickeyLee]

I could tell you the top secret ultra restricted test criteria....

But then I would have to imprison on the Island of Boys Who Know Too Much

 

[MickeyLee]

For true answer.

Faux Female Friendly Dudes fall into two categories.

1. Uncanny Valley Huzz - ya know how even the best rendering always looks a bit off? Hair moves a bit stiffly. Movements are jerky. All the parts are there, you should be fooled, but that awareness of falsehood won't go away.

2. Mary Sue - trying to tick all the boxes, uses all the buzzwords, will quote one noted feminist even when the quote has no connection to the events/conversation at hand.

Most of my life most of my friends have been guys. I see them in mixed company and during bro-time. Thankfully most of my boys have been dope little dudes, even then there is an element of being on best behavior. Once the differences are obvious they're almost impossible to not see.

 

[Ms.M]

It really is not a helpful answer, but folk like that tend to out themselves or give off a feel that can be picked up on with experience. It's the same way I am able to pick up on if someone is likely to be dangerous to me in some other way. Gut feel is not something to be ignored, which I learned after a lot of casual chosen sex partners and casually chosen (as opposed to carefully selected) BDSM playmates.

Agreed about throwing around a lot of buzzwords, too. That's true for a lot of assholes who are bigots in some way.