"How he carries himself"

[ulube08]

Ok I've gotten the nearly unanimous answer. I don't need ten pages in a thread to see the trend. Now draw your attention to the quotation above. I hear this a lot including that last thread. Before I ask the obvious question I'll describe the situation bringing it to attention.

I carry myself differently depending on how I feel. How I feel is affected by who I'm with. I don't surround myself with people that make me feel shitty however I sometimes feel shitty (less and less as I get older) because I'm surrounded by people. Make the distinction btwn "surround myself with" and "surrounded" here. ... So most of the time i'd rather just be invisible, I could observe and avoid being observed. There's more but I wanna get to the point. Sometimes I don't care about being invisible so I'll carry myself differently, take different routes, respond to things directly instead of avoid them.

Is it possible that I'm perceiving these differences and no one else is? And more importantly, what's attractive/unnattractive about the way a man might carry himself?

I think I know what the consensus will be, sure to have a new layer of temporary hatred after I see I'm right

 

[Tactfulgal]

what's attractive/unnattractive about the way a man might carry himself?

I think I know what the consensus will be, sure to have a new layer of temporary hatred after I see I'm right

I was about to answer your question honestly, but the last line suggests you already have what you believe to be the right answer and are just asking women so you'll have someone to argue with. No thanks.

 

[ulube08]

Check out my other thread "humble thank you" and I think you'll change your mind about me wanting to argue with anyone

I promise I'll just slump over in defeat and thank everyone for their honesty

 

[EllieP]

You think you're carrying yourself differently in different situations and moods, but in reality you respond in a way that is uniquely you.

Making yourself comfortable in most situations can be attractive. Whining about a situation instead of removing yourself from it is bad form. Being invisible doesn't rank high in my book mainly because you don't get noticed. That's not a bad thing if you're goal is to not be noticed.

I'd prefer not to be noticed in a mall while I'm shopping except by the clerks. But in party I'll take the attention when it's my turn.

 

[Tactfulgal]

Check out my other thread "humble thank you" and I think you'll change your mind about me wanting to argue with anyone

I promise I'll just slump over in defeat and thank everyone for their honesty

This is patronizing. If you really want to ask a question, just ask it, leave out all the rhetoric that not so subtly shows a resentment of women.

 

[ulube08]

Being invisible doesn't rank high in my book mainly because you don't get noticed. That's not a bad thing if you're goal is to not be noticed.

I'd prefer not to be noticed in a mall while I'm shopping except by the clerks. But in party I'll take the attention when it's my turn.

For some reason I always listened to the nuggets of bs masquerading as wisdom when I was a child, don't talk to strangers, you shouldn't go looking for attention, be careful what you wish for. That on top of other very specific things I went thru were probably big contributing factors to me valuing stealth, yea I called it stealth.

I don't mind getting attention from my friends and I'm somewhat of a performer so I love it when I'm in front of what, in my mind, an audience is supposed to be. People who sing along, cheer, or jus stfu n listen.

 

[ulube08]

This is patronizing. If you really want to ask a question, just ask it, leave out all the rhetoric that not so subtly shows a resentment of women.

Why does a preconceived notion of what a popular opinion might be equate to resentment to you? I simply wanted to state for the record that it really sucks being right sometimes, and once again, I'm not speaking emotionally, I choose my words carefully and draw from historical fact. U were convinced of that until I made a hidden prediction, is what I said really what changed your mind or was it something else that really has nothing to do with me?

And ur right, it was patronizing and I apologize for that. Please, for the worlds sake, learn to forgive my apeish gender for occasional errors in judgement, sometimes we're just not completely aware

Problem is I can't erase it now. I don't think that would be the right thing to do. So you can either keep going back and forth with me, which it seems like u started, answer the question honestly while bracing for an impact that I promise is not gonna come, or ignore the thread altogether.

Actually that sounds like a fun idea for a pointless thread "what should tactful do?"

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

An honest answer: I find a man attractive when he doesn't give a shit what others are thinking about how he's carrying himself. He walks like he knows where he's going, and watches the room with his eyes parallel to the world. No matter who he's with, he's consistent in his demeanor. He doesn't walk all over people, and is considerate of what others are doing.. but he doesn't let anyone get in his way. Basically, I'm attracted to a man who carries himself the way I do.

I have no idea how others may be perceiving you or the different way you carry yourself.. I can only tell you how I'm perceiving you (your words, obviously I can't see your physical demeanor.. but the way one speaks and the way one walks/moves are often similar) in this thread. I wouldn't be attracted to someone who's trying to be invisible or not be seen. That just seems a bit insecure. Keep in mind, I'm not saying you are insecure.. this is just what your words seem to suggest.

BTW, the "layer of temporary hatred".. turn off. Why would our answers potentially make you feel 'hate'? That's a very strong word.

 

[ulube08]

BTW, the "layer of temporary hatred".. turn off. Why would our answers potentially make you feel 'hate'? That's a very strong word.

Life is a competition on pretty much every level from survival to advancement. Someone once said only the strong survive, is it a turn off that I admit some weaknesses and am empathetic to those who apparently won't survive? That's just me and I'm not sorry about that and hate is a very strong word and I'm an idealist who believes that instead of everyone competing with everyone else we could actually help each other win over personal struggles. Yea, I hate our current state of being, we could be better, we could all be happier, stupidity, insecurity and selfishness has gotten in the way of that, that I hate. I figured your answers would bring this to focus in my mind in a way that I could feel in the moments I read them and that would suck if I was right.

I don't consider myself insecure but I also wouldn't play basketball with a broken leg. I hope that reflects my meaning accurately...

The kind of answer you gave is not something I expected. Thanks for being honest.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Life is a competition on pretty much every level from survival to advancement. Someone once said only the strong survive, is it a turn off that I admit some weaknesses and am empathetic to those who apparently won't survive? That's just me and I'm not sorry about that and hate is a very strong word and I'm an idealist who believes that instead of everyone competing with everyone else we could actually help each other win over personal struggles. Yea, I hate our current state of being, we could be better, we could all be happier, stupidity, insecurity and selfishness has gotten in the way of that, that I hate. I figured your answers would bring this to focus in my mind in a way that I could feel in the moments I read them and that would suck if I was right.

I don't consider myself insecure but I also wouldn't play basketball with a broken leg. I hope that reflects my meaning accurately...

The kind of answer you gave is not something I expected. Thanks for being honest.

Won't survive? I thought we were just talking about how a man carries himself? Just because someone may be socially awkward or shy doesn't mean they 'won't survive'. I know plenty of shy people in happy relationships. Some of the healthiest relationships I've seen actually.

I don't find it completely unattractive for a man to show that he can be weak.. but it doesn't call my attention either... and if he's more likely to just show his weakness than strive to strengthen himself, that is a turn off... and as far as empathizing with others who 'won't survive'.. well.. I do apologize if this is harsh.. but not everyone is meant to succeed. Not everyone gets to be fulfilled in this world. I'm not going to go out of my way to assist someone in failing so I can get ahead.. but if I lend a hand, and it's only met with self-pity and pessimism.. I'm retracting that hand pretty quickly. Some of the sheep in the flock were meant to be eaten. Sorry, but it's just the truth. Just because we're human doesn't mean we get to skip out on natures laws.

You maybe could have phrased the 'layer of hate' part a bit better in the OP. It sounded more like you would put that feeling of hate towards the ladies responding, or just toward yourself. You were a bit vague and it just rubbed me the wrong way.

I hate that we aren't perfect as a species too... but I'm not gonna dwell on it. I'm gonna focus on what we do right, and try to spread that happiness to others and help them feel that gratification with me. I'm also not going to join anyones pity-party if they choose to let the bad aspects of society bring them down to that level. Every species on this planet has flaws, and has reasons to feel fear, to feel 'greed' to feel insecure. That's part of what ensures survival for many species. It's that desire to not feel those things that motivates us to strive for better, and keep living. Does a smaller, less capable animal give up without a fight? NO.. they just keep trying. If they fail, it was meant to be that way.. so others could prosper. That, deserves just as much respect as being the one who 'won'.

 

[Reddhott]

I haven't read the whole topic, but I wanted to address the issue of trying to be invisible. If that's what you want, it certainly is a choice you can make.

But if it isn't what you want, then do something to change it.

I colored my hair red. The flaming redhead is pretty impossible to miss. Since it drew attention, I had to behave in a more confident manner. "Fake it til you make it" has some validity. Behaving as if I was confident made me feel more confident.

So... The attention I get now, is it from the red hair? Or my new confidence?

Yes. It is both.

 

[D_Eva_D_Struction]

When I say "carry himself", it includes the vibe he gives off.
Two men could approach me with the exact same greeting...One guy could have a confident walk, but the way he talks is so down to earth, looks don't really matter. The handsome guy actually seems unaware that he is THAT gorgeous.

The next guy (handsome or average) can have the same confident walk, but once he talks, its obvious he expects me to drool over him and I should feel honored he approached me.

Once any man makes it past my BS radar (regardless of his looks), it's all about who I vibe the best with.

I will admit, when I was 18/19, I only gave the time of day to the "handsome" men to impress my friends..In my 20's, I was the one that just assumed every handsome guy was whorish because of the superficial choices I made...In my 30's, I've learned to go beyond looks...

 

[ulube08]

Tried this the other day and exed my tab by accident...

So... The attention I get now, is it from the red hair? Or my new confidence?

Yes. It is both.

Well, I don't really want to attract attention based on the way I look, i'd rather my personality or character be visible somehow. Thanks

When I say "carry himself", it includes the vibe he gives off.
Two men could approach me with the exact same greeting...One guy could have a confident walk, but the way he talks is so down to earth, looks don't really matter. The handsome guy actually seems unaware that he is THAT gorgeous.

The next guy (handsome or average) can have the same confident walk, but once he talks, its obvious he expects me to drool over him and I should feel honored he approached me.

Once any man makes it past my BS radar (regardless of his looks), it's all about who I vibe the best with.

I will admit, when I was 18/19, I only gave the time of day to the "handsome" men to impress my friends..In my 20's, I was the one that just assumed every handsome guy was whorish because of the superficial choices I made...In my 30's, I've learned to go beyond looks...

Ok, awesome. But when I asked the question I kind of meant when you observe a guy from a distance, before approach if there even is one. Thanks though, this is really helpful

Just because someone may be socially awkward or shy doesn't mean they 'won't survive'.

...and if he's more likely to just show his weakness than strive to strengthen himself, that is a turn off...
.. but if I lend a hand, and it's only met with self-pity and pessimism.. I'm retracting that hand pretty quickly.

It sounded more like you would put that feeling of hate towards the ladies responding, or just toward yourself. You were a bit vague and it just rubbed me the wrong way.

I hate that we aren't perfect as a species too... but I'm not gonna dwell on it.

Ok...

Yes the word "survival" is a bit serious for what we're talking about, but for someone who's never experienced it, you have to know that being a social creature, it kind of feels like you're deteriorating when you a) have gone a long time without at least a semi-deep connection to anyone and b) find yourself failing at making face-value connections.

I agree, don't help anyone who's not willing to help themselves but that's kind of besides the point isn't it? I mean if u had a friend and ur trying to help them out of some emotional rutt wouldn't u give them more patience and effort than someone ur meeting for the first time?

As far as weaknesses, I'm not sayin that anyone should go around yellings their's in random stragers' faces, I'm just suggesting that being open about who you are, being honest about things that may reveal themselves should be respected?

I admit I've wished to experience what it's like to be someone else but at the end of the day I'm always happy about who I am. Plus I wouldn't invite anyone who hasn't done anything malicious to me to become a target for my own malice, that's a fucked up person and I regret that I came off that way. SEE? I NEED YOU! The "temporary layer of hatred" was meant for the current state of neglect for anything not immediate. People usually only respond to what's right there and don't look any further or deeper. I don't want to find out that it's more universal than I think.

And in response to dwelling, I made this topic because I thought there was a possibility that i'd get responses that would make me feel better about missing some mainstream attractive qualities. I'm not trying to dwell on anything but it is necessary to acknowledge that something isn't perfect before u can begin to make it better

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Ok...

Yes the word "survival" is a bit serious for what we're talking about, but for someone who's never experienced it, you have to know that being a social creature, it kind of feels like you're deteriorating when you a) have gone a long time without at least a semi-deep connection to anyone and b) find yourself failing at making face-value connections.

I agree, don't help anyone who's not willing to help themselves but that's kind of besides the point isn't it? I mean if u had a friend and ur trying to help them out of some emotional rutt wouldn't u give them more patience and effort than someone ur meeting for the first time?

As far as weaknesses, I'm not sayin that anyone should go around yellings their's in random stragers' faces, I'm just suggesting that being open about who you are, being honest about things that may reveal themselves should be respected?

I admit I've wished to experience what it's like to be someone else but at the end of the day I'm always happy about who I am. Plus I wouldn't invite anyone who hasn't done anything malicious to me to become a target for my own malice, that's a fucked up person and I regret that I came off that way. SEE? I NEED YOU! The "temporary layer of hatred" was meant for the current state of neglect for anything not immediate. People usually only respond to what's right there and don't look any further or deeper. I don't want to find out that it's more universal than I think.

And in response to dwelling, I made this topic because I thought there was a possibility that i'd get responses that would make me feel better about missing some mainstream attractive qualities. I'm not trying to dwell on anything but it is necessary to acknowledge that something isn't perfect before u can begin to make it better

I understand. I've been there. I've been alone for a significant portion of my life, and know how depressing it can be. I used to play the blame game on society until I realized 1) I was the one doing an excellent job at excluding myself from others 2) I can't expect to feel better without trying to do something about it 3) If at first you don't succeed, try again

I've been fucked over by friends I tried to help so many times I can't even count. I'm just jaded I guess, but I don't feel the need to have 'friends' other than my family, and my man, and a few casual acquaintances that I just have fun with from time to time. I'm not saying I'll just turn my back and let someone seriously get hurt or something like that... but I've lent a giving hand too many times and had it bitten too hard to keep putting myself out there like that for others who don't appreciate a truly giving heart. I've been lied to, stolen from, manipulated into fucked up situations, all because I was trying to be there for a friend. I won't put myself in that situation again because true friends are almost impossible to find, and I was lucky enough to find one. I'll always be there for him, but that's because he's been there for me and my family.

Yes, it's respectable to be able to be honest about who you are.. I never said it wasn't. I just meant that it doesn't really make me feel any different towards a person if they show some vulnerability.. it doesn't turn me off, but it doesn't call my attention either... everyone feels vulnerable or weak from time to time, and show it in one way or another. That's all I meant

What I underlined pretty much clarified things for me, and I gotta say I've enjoyed this conversation. The part I put in bold print, it is sad but true I think for many people. It's actually natural though, humans just take it too far a lot of the time. Our brains are actually very 'judgmental' without us knowing it, and it's a way to gauge who's a threat, and who's not but now that the majority of people we encounter on a regular bases in modern society aren't an immediate 'threat', we often still judge each other unknowingly and for no reason other than what our brains have been saturated by and have been molded to like/not like.

You may feel like you're missing out, (on having "mainstream attractive qualities") but I think your possibly just being more self-critical than you think. You're obviously intelligent, and have respect for others, I don't know what you look like or I'd point out your physical features too. Everyone has attractive qualities in someones eyes, and you may be more handsome than you think. I know what you mean, acknowledging/admitting to ones 'flaws' is the first step to changing them for the better.

Have a peek at this..

http://www.lpsg.com/373402-my-flaws-my-features.html

I do wish some of the posters in that thread weren't so self-critical.. but I thought it could be a good example to let you know, I'm on the same page with you. Most of the time, I'm happy with who I am. I'm pretty Kick-Ass... but I still have my moments when I think what it'd be like to be more sexy, or more successful financially (I'm so broke it's not even funny) but at the end of the day, damn it feels good to be me

 

[D_Eva_D_Struction]

When I observe from a distance, I have no preconceived notions about him. I just look and appreciate. No assumptions and no expectations...Similar to what I do on this site....I'm just looking...
IF he approaches me, then everything I said in my previous post would apply...
and you are very welcome...

Ok, awesome. But when I asked the question I kind of meant when you observe a guy from a distance, before approach if there even is one. Thanks though, this is really helpful

 

[ulube08]

^Well that doesn't really answer the question. Nevermind making assumptions, what's (un)attractive about the way a guy carries himself in ur opinion?

1) I understand. I've been there. I've been alone for a significa

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nt portion of my life, and know how depressing it can be. I used to play the blame game on society until I realized 1) I was the one doing an excellent job at excluding myself from others 2) I can't expect to feel better without trying to do something about it 3) If at first you don't succeed, try again

2) I've been fucked over by friends I tried to help so many times I can't even count. I'm just jaded I guess, but I don't feel the need to have 'friends' other than my family, and my man, and a few casual acquaintances that I just have fun with from time to time. I'm not saying I'll just turn my back and let someone seriously get hurt or something like that... but I've lent a giving hand too many times and had it bitten too hard to keep putting myself out there like that for others who don't appreciate a truly giving heart. I've been lied to, stolen from, manipulated into fucked up situations, all because I was trying to be there for a friend. I won't put myself in that situation again because true friends are almost impossible to find, and I was lucky enough to find one. I'll always be there for him, but that's because he's been there for me and my family.

3) Yes, it's respectable to be able to be honest about who you are.. I never said it wasn't. I just meant that it doesn't really make me feel any different towards a person if they show some vulnerability.. it doesn't turn me off, but it doesn't call my attention either... everyone feels vulnerable or weak from time to time, and show it in one way or another. That's all I meant

4) What I underlined pretty much clarified things for me, and I gotta say I've enjoyed this conversation. The part I put in bold print, it is sad but true I think for many people. It's actually natural though, humans just take it too far a lot of the time. Our brains are actually very 'judgmental' without us knowing it, and it's a way to gauge who's a threat, and who's not but now that the majority of people we encounter on a regular bases in modern society aren't an immediate 'threat', we often still judge each other unknowingly and for no reason other than what our brains have been saturated by and have been molded to like/not like.

5)You may feel like you're missing out, (on having "mainstream attractive qualities") but I think your possibly just being more self-critical than you think. You're obviously intelligent, and have respect for others, I don't know what you look like or I'd point out your physical features too. Everyone has attractive qualities in someones eyes, and you may be more handsome than you think. I know what you mean, acknowledging/admitting to ones 'flaws' is the first step to changing them for the better.

Have a peek at this..

http://www.lpsg.com/373402-my-flaws-my-features.html

6) but at the end of the day, damn it feels good to be me

1) YES! Understanding. U said u enjoyed this convo but I can't say that I have. This is an awesome conclusion to it but to be honest I was going thru a mini identity crisis. I was being totally honest and met with negative views of, basically, the resulting evidence of severe personality flaws that I may have been selfish and indulgent enough to cling to in the past but that I believed were mostly behind me, if not completely. I'm glad we had this convo, it proves that the things I think are based in reality and not my own fearful delusion, but it was tough.

2) I've come to a point where I've learned to forgive the individuals who do fucked up things in an effort to foster a more positive environment for people to mature and become better people(if the philosophy actually spreads) and because I realize that a lot of life is luck of the draw and if I was someone else I might also behave in the fucked up ways they do. My growth is an ongoing process, even in the btwn time of this thread unfolding I'm finding it easier to find commonalities with people I may have brushed off before. You may not need or even want friends but there's nothing wrong with having more love in your life. I think maybe ur one extreme has lead u to run as far from it as possible, to the other extreme. Just a thought.

3) I'll take this one with a spoonful of sugar

4) Yea...

5) I honestly don't think I'm more critical of myself (in regards to the subject) than anyone else. I'm basing all this on experience, trial and error and error and error and all the people I've ever heard, male and female, say confidence is basically the keystone of the attraction. Idk why but it's like my interest itself is polarizing. I honestly think I look good, I don't think I'm "one of those" guys but I don't think anybody would turn me away based on facial features. It's easy for me to appear as if I don't care what anybody thinks, for the most part I don't, but idk what confidence looks like and just based on the empirical data, there doesn't seem to be any resemblance. Like I said, I think I'm awesome and I'm more than ok with the way I look but I don't think I appear confident to anyone. When I said mainstream attractive qualities this is what I meant, the appearance of confidence.

6) Awesome. So in other words, the immortal words of the geto boys played over an office space montage scene... yea I couldn't find a worthy clip :/