How Important To A Woman Is The Penetration Part Of Sex?

[Nightwood]

Hello ladies of LPSG.

An year ago I had a FWB, with whom I had only two sexual encounters. Due to fear of underperformance (I have erectile dysfunction), both times we only kissed, touched and I gave her oral (I also rejected her offer to return the favour). Nevertheless, being intimate together for the first time was a great experience (she really came twice), but the second time (after again having no penetration and receiving just oral), she became annoyed and stopped the act. Shortly after that she broke off with me. While its possible that this outcome was not entirely related to the lack of coitus (she had some personal issues/perhaps an old boyfriend reappeared?), it made me wonder.

Thus bringing me to this rather direct and intimate question - how important is for you to have and feel your partner inside? Do you get the most satisfaction from it, or from something else (giving/receiving oral, etc.)

I strongly believe that penetration (like for example from the missionary position) gives women a unique emotional combined with physical experience, which cannot be replicated. The woman in a way feels dominated and both partners are turned on knowing the man is in control. Unfortunately, having ED gives me great insecurities and lack of confidence, regardless of kissing and oral skills.

It would be great to read your thoughts and suggestions related to this.


Best regards,
Nightwood

 

[Scarletbegonia]

First, thank you for using “woman.”

secondly, the amount of PIV is so individual. For some women, it’s zero.
Some women have entirely fulfilling sex lives and never touch a peen.

I’ve “meditated” to orgasm with and without a partner.

Others quite like penetration beyond a minute or five.
Some women start to chafe at a minute.

some despise oral/are done with men who claim good oral skills, but don’t have them.

 

[Ms.M]

I don't find it at all innately "dominant" to have a partner penetrate me. I have no idea what you're talking about as far as that bit. As for my personal enjoyment, penetration is absolutely one of the things that gets me off hard. I'd have very little long term interest in someone if there was no penetration (with a dildo OR dick) and we were monogamous.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I don't find it at all innately "dominant" to have a partner penetrate me. I have no idea what you're talking about as far as that bit. As for my personal enjoyment, penetration is absolutely one of the things that gets me off hard. I'd have very little long term interest in someone if there was no penetration (with a dildo OR dick) and we were monogamous.

I’d brushed off dominant as a mistranslation.
but yes, no act itself is either dominant or submissive, only the mindset and headspace, and who had control (in a power exchange relationship).

one other thing, if someone I’m into is giving me oral but won’t allow me to give them pleasure, I am going to think their headspace is do me submissive. Not a good thing.

Be honest about your ED, look to options to help. Secrets kill relationships.

 

[Nightwood]

Hello Scarletbegonia and Ms.M,

Thanks for sharing your insights regarding this, they are quite helpful.

They also confirm my main point - no coitus long term is a deal breaker for most women (Can a woman honestly imagine sticking around for a let say a 2 year relationship with the sex being oral only?).

Regarding the ED, I have done my research and visited enough urologists and know how to proceed. Unfortunately, as I've said in the initial post, the partner from last year left (and the 'no coitus' and no receiving oral on my part having most likely a big role in it).

The important part is that the lesson was learned and I now need to take action.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I don't need penetration. I need HIM.

Whether or not he can be inside me, I need him in my life. If it became masturbation only for me for the rest of my life, as long as he's my partner I'm good.

Our relationship isn't based on sex. Our sex isn't based solely on our relationship. The relationship itself, absolutely more important to me than the sex. If I lost him, I lost everything. If I lost sex with him, I lost part of our connection. But not the whole thing. Not even close.

 

[Brianne_24]

You need to keep in mind that penetration as a sexual need for women isn't something that can be applied across the board - it's a belief you have based on unobjective information you were taught and chose to care about. And not only is there a lack of any data that supports your hypothesis, it's heteronormative as well. Based on your OP, you need a reminder that women with penises and intersex organs and women attracted to humans with vaginas do in fact exist, so here it is.

And before you get defensive or try to deny my claim that you're belief is stupid, keep in mind the content of your post (the part declaring women in general and not specifying straight women - and even if you did your hypothesis still wouldn't check out - require penetration because of being inherently wired to be submissive to men) doesn't serve as any evidence to the contrary, so so here we are.

Anywho to answer the question while ignoring the dumb shit in the OP, like most women will tell you, sex absolutely isn't everything, but sexual intimacy is a need to be met by any partner I'm with. I personally do enjoy penetration. My orgasms tend to be more powerful and satisfying when I'm being fucked harder and deeper by someone I love, simply because of what my vagina is like and my interpersonal preferences.

It's unfortunate, but this can be an issue if a guy's extremely below average - if I can't even feel your dick during sex I'm not sure it'll work out between us. As with most anyone else in that situation, I think it's too uncomfortable to openly tell them they're not sexually desirable to me, so I opt for being polite and giving them the "size doesn't matter and theres someone for everyone" response. Hopefully they do find someone, but I have my own needs as well. It is what it is.