How to get over someone who never loved me

[fakeboiii]

We had been talking for months. He claimed that he was interested in me but only wanted to start seriously dating after meeting in real life. We lived on opposite sides of the world, and the soonest I'd be able to visit his country was in September of 2025, so I suggested video calling. When I asked this, he became super offended and avoidant, he acted as if I had just asked him for nudes. Nobody's forced to do anything they don't want to, but he posted daily thirst traps for his thousands of instagram followers and literally had an onlyfans, but video calling someone he'd been talking to for months is where he drew the line?

Since he refused to video call and only wanted to date if we met in real life, we agreed to keep it casual until I could visit him. Then he suddenly started complaining that September was too far away and that he might already have a boyfriend by then. I pointed out the unfairness of him saying it was too far away while absolutely refusing to video call or even do a voice call. There was already some tension between us, but when I said this he completely blew up on me and started insulting me and listing all of the issues he had with me. The argument ended with him claiming I hurt him (even though he was the one saying mean things and I was just defending myself). I apologized and explained myself, and since then he ghosted me on everything and I can't reach him anymore.

This was a few weeks ago, and I'm still very hurt. I truly had feelings for him, and I don't know if I'll ever find somebody like him again. I realize now that he was probably just toying with me and using me for validation, as I was always the one starting the conversation and giving him compliments. I feel like I want to expose him, he's relatively 'famous' within the online gay community and I think he even used to have a thread on here. I'm not sure what I'd get out of it, but I'm so hurt that I can't really think straight.

 

[GeorgiaMan]

My sympathies to you. I'd say every guy on this board has been interested in someone who didn't reciprocate at least once, including those who led us on intentionally or unintentionally.

While not unheard of extremely long distance connections that start online rarely work out. You mention this guy has an instagram and only fans presence. That type of personality tends to be narcissistic and looks for validation from what others think. From what you described it doesn't sound as though he was that concerned about your feelings, only his and what he wants. The fact he blasted you with the issues he has about you despite the fact you guys haven't met tells me he likely wasn't going to behave any differently in person. You also mentioned you always initiated the conversations which is another clue that he just wasn't that into you. It's not easy now and I suggest not following this guy anymore on online platforms. You've already spent more time worrying about him than he ever did about you. Don't dismiss your pain, let it be a lesson to keep with you moving forward.

1. People are assholes. This goes for gay and straight men and women and members of the LGBTQ+community. The large majority are selfish and only want what they want when they want it.
2. Relationships are hard even with those who aren't generally selfish because all of us are sometimes.
3. Let yourself feel the pain, but don't let one guy halfway across the globe steal too much of your joy and energy.

Hope this helps. Just trying as someone who has been in a similar situation years back.

 

[fakeboiii]

My sympathies to you. I'd say every guy on this board has been interested in someone who didn't reciprocate at least once, including those who led us on intentionally or unintentionally.

While not unheard of extremely long distance connections that start online rarely work out. You mention this guy has an instagram and only fans presence. That type of personality tends to be narcissistic and looks for validation from what others think. From what you described it doesn't sound as though he was that concerned about your feelings, only his and what he wants. The fact he blasted you with the issues he has about you despite the fact you guys haven't met tells me he likely wasn't going to behave any differently in person. You also mentioned you always initiated the conversations which is another clue that he just wasn't that into you. It's not easy now and I suggest not following this guy anymore on online platforms. You've already spent more time worrying about him than he ever did about you. Don't dismiss your pain, let it be a lesson to keep with you moving forward.

1. People are assholes. This goes for gay and straight men and women and members of the LGBTQ+community. The large majority are selfish and only want what they want when they want it.
2. Relationships are hard even with those who aren't generally selfish because all of us are sometimes.
3. Let yourself feel the pain, but don't let one guy halfway across the globe steal too much of your joy and energy.

Hope this helps. Just trying as someone who has been in a similar situation years back.

Thanks a lot friend. I think it's also my fault for hyping him up so much in my head, based on his social media he did seem like a perfect guy, but it's literally common sense that what people show on social media is a very carefully curated personality of themselves. idk why I let it fool me.

 

[kelvinza]

It takes time. It hurts but it gets better everyday.

 

[Infernal]

I've seen this so often - it sounds like he was grooming you to scam you. You pushed him, and he broke it off before you wised up to him. Don't be surprised if he shows up again with a sad story. If he does, it's a huge red flag waving in your face. Please don't ignore it.

 

[Scorpiokink86]

We had been talking for months. He claimed that he was interested in me but only wanted to start seriously dating after meeting in real life. We lived on opposite sides of the world, and the soonest I'd be able to visit his country was in September of 2025, so I suggested video calling. When I asked this, he became super offended and avoidant, he acted as if I had just asked him for nudes. Nobody's forced to do anything they don't want to, but he posted daily thirst traps for his thousands of instagram followers and literally had an onlyfans, but video calling someone he'd been talking to for months is where he drew the line?

Since he refused to video call and only wanted to date if we met in real life, we agreed to keep it casual until I could visit him. Then he suddenly started complaining that September was too far away and that he might already have a boyfriend by then. I pointed out the unfairness of him saying it was too far away while absolutely refusing to video call or even do a voice call. There was already some tension between us, but when I said this he completely blew up on me and started insulting me and listing all of the issues he had with me. The argument ended with him claiming I hurt him (even though he was the one saying mean things and I was just defending myself). I apologized and explained myself, and since then he ghosted me on everything and I can't reach him anymore.

This was a few weeks ago, and I'm still very hurt. I truly had feelings for him, and I don't know if I'll ever find somebody like him again. I realize now that he was probably just toying with me and using me for validation, as I was always the one starting the conversation and giving him compliments. I feel like I want to expose him, he's relatively 'famous' within the online gay community and I think he even used to have a thread on here. I'm not sure what I'd get out of it, but I'm so hurt that I can't really think straight.

I'm truly sorry for what happened to you

But all I can say is that you dodged a huge a$$h0le there.

If he just wanted to date in person, and refuse to do a vidocall or a call... Is this a catfish? that's my first thought. Someone can easily buy an account with thousands of followers. So why avoid a little videocall? Did he ever ask you for money? It may be a scam too.

Plus, saying he's really him... if he acts this assh0l-y online... what makes you think he'll be sweet to you in person? People are who they are, on or offline so i guess he showed his true colors to you - an a$$h0le.

I know I can say lots of things of how bad he was to you, but I also know what is to have a broken heart. I know it's hard, but delete his chat, even his contact, unfollow him... that will ease up your way to healing, and just take your time. It takes a little bit of time to overcome this but eventually you'll get there, you'll feel much better.

One big hug for you

 

[buckheadishdude]

Your best bet is to block him from every method of communication you can. Time and distance (not physical but mental) is your best bet to moving on. It'll hurt for awhile and it's going to take time, but this feeling will pass and eventually you will forget him.

The refusing to do video and voice calls is a major red flag in my book. I would try and find someone in real life, or a bit closer to home. You're in Amsterdam, the dating/fucking pool is decently large. Try to find someone to take your mind off of this other guy, even if only temporarily.

You're worth a lot and some guy will see that.

 

[jbf78]

Miranda Hobbes says it right and says it hard

 

[Black TinTin]

Either he is a catfish or you read far more into than what actually was happening. If he has a huge following on social media and an OnlyFans, sounds like this guy is attractive. No offense, but why would a guy with a large following(aka, options) even entertain someone who is on the other side of the world and has no plans to see him within the next 8 months?

 

[Ophelius]

Hi, in my point of view, he already have someone and just use you for validation and positive feedback, through all that you are saying it seems like he's very insecure, and insecure people use nice people that way, I hope you heal all that crap and keep trying to find the real love, cheers

 

[newfam]

Nobody's forced to do anything they don't want to, but he posted daily thirst traps for his thousands of instagram followers and literally had an onlyfans, but video calling someone he'd been talking to for months is where he drew the line?

Hi fakeboiii I'm so sorry that this happened to you and it sounds like this person was very unfair to you, playing fast and loose with your feelings like this.

Since I've been on here, I have seen people who clearly post pics and videos for a living (like the stuff that is on onlyfans). Just browsing these kinds of sites there are so many people doing it, and it made me wonder "Do they ever get bored? Does it become like any old job?" etc.

I have no way of knowing, but just reading what you wrote in that quoted part, I wonder if since as you said he posts things on Instagram and onlyfans and that he is somewhat "famous" for this, maybe he interpreted your asking to have a video call incorrectly. Like maybe he is thinking "Everybody just wants to video chat for free, just like the rest of them" or maybe he correlates video calls with "working" and is subconciously irritated at the request. But he still should have the decency to communicate this to you and appreciate your feelings too. As others have already mentioned, it does sound like you "dodged a bullet!"

 

[Merophe]

sounds like a romance scam, which I did fall for before. All I could say is that you could cut him off now, and move on with your life. Those who treat you badly don't deserve your time.
Wish all the best to you.