How To Suck Off A Friend Again?

[makkos]

Hi all, I'm looking for advice. Long post incoming. I consider myself mostly straight, but that's not what I want to talk about. I'm trying to be short, but if you are interested in the fully detailed story, I will post it in another thread.
I have a very good friend of mine since high school, we have always liked talking about sexual stuff, girls, fucking, jerking habits etc. A few years ago, we started fooling around when we were high (we smoked a lot of weed together back then), jerked off together a few times. This started to become a huge turn on for me, we became jerk buddies. Jerking off together for straight porn became a regular thing, I started having fantasies about sucking him off and jerking his cock, playing with it (but not fucking or kissing, you know, just regular cock sucking without anything "romantic" or hardcore things). I told him about these thoughts, he seemed to be a partner, he was interested. But I was shy and kind of afraid of acting it out. So we were progressing gradually. Jerking off together a lot, watching, admiring his cock, then just touching it, holding it. Then jerking him. Because we live in different cities, this process took a few years. Mostly I was the one who initiated these jerk off sessions, but sometimes he started it. During these times we chatted a lot about this topic, and sucking him off, he told me a lot of times that he was okay with it, we can do it, but when I got the chance I always chickened out and ended up just jerking off together, maybe jerking him for a few minutes. He also sent me like a dozen dick picks (I requested most of them). Anyway, about 2 years ago, one hot summer evening my fantasy finally became reality and I sucked his cock in my car. We ended up finishing it by ourselves, but still it finally happened. After this about a week later he visited me with his girlfriend, and when his gf went into a store and we were alone, he told me: "while she's away, let's talk about the fact that you sucked my cock". He told me he liked it, and I was so good at it that I should charge money for it. I asked him if he wanted to take our friendship to this level where I would suck him off time to time. He said we could be like this, he is okay with it.
I don't precisely remember how he started to back up, but that was kind of the list time we had this kind of fun together. After a while he started saying things like: "I don't want to get gay anymore.", "I rather want to fuck girls.", "these kind of stuff don't turn me on".
I was relentless, asked him again and again, tryed to convince him. Once he even told me that he never really wanted it, he just couldn't say no.
The next and sadly probably last milestone in our story was when I had a chance to make a short amateur clip of me having sex with a girl and he really wanted to see it. I told him that if he wanted to jerk off to it, we have to do it together, I wouldn't give him the clip. He said okay. We put it on his big screen tv, after a long break I could finally see him whipping out his huge magnificent cock, he got incredably hard and big, I had never seen his dick that big before, it even scared me a little like "okay I knew he is big, thats why I loved his cock, but never knew he is really a monster". I even got a little more jealous than I had ever be before. He let me take a few pics of it (you can find it in my albums) and then said to grab it and jerk it. I jerked him, then we finished ourselves. After this, I asked him that we were back to this now or not. He said, yeah we could jerk off sometimes. I asked him if I could jerk him off again from now on. He said its okay, not sucking thou, thats too hardcore, but its okay to jerk him off sometimes. We had 2 additional jerk off session (but without jerking him). After these he went back to the "I don't want no more gay stuff" state. He even told me one time, that these things felt like rape for him.
I still can't let these fantasies go, I want to suck his cock again so badly I can't even describe. I have a girlfriend, our sex life is great, she turns me on beyond beleif. But sucking his cock means a totally different turn on for me. It's like two kind of horniness, not mixable. A completely separate and different part of my sexuality. The thing is, that he is the only guy whose cock I'm interested in sucking. Yeah there are a lot of cocks I seen online that I would theoretically suck, but in real life, I'm not interested in initiating this kind of sexual relationship or finding another guy like him. I want only his cock. And thinking about this whole story, deep down I know or I hope that it was not a one sided adventure. That it was not something I just forced out of someone. But it seems so strange to me, that a lot of times he was so omboard, we even had a lot of sextings, where he was reassuring that it turned him on. I do not exactly know what happened that turned him away. One theory of mine js that he consideres himself unsuccesful with girls (he even tells me this a lot) and this fact keeps him from continuing with these not so straights stuff. Sometimes I think if he could fuck girls regularly he would be more open again. But I'm not sure. Maybe it wasn't his thing entirely after all. Maybe he just simply chanhed his mind. We still talk regularly, we are good friends, but if I bring this topic up, he turns me down, or simply just ignores me. But getting back on with these incredably hot stuff is my dream. I love his dick so much, it's like being in love with a body part of someone else. And if we had it once, why can't we have it again? Do you guys have any advice how to get his cock again? Or if it seems impossible how to move on with my sexual life and desires. What do you think happened at his side? Was it mutual? Or was it forced out of a guy who couldn't say no?

 

[Johnnie89]

I think he might be just pulling away and using the "couldn't say no" reason as a coping mechanism, it happens very often. That or he really couldn't say no. Sexuality is broad and it's confusing to navigate with our conditioning. My advice would be to accept his words for his words and try to enjoy it as it happens on his accord if you can let it be that way. If it does bother you to some degree, then don't let it manifest inside you and create your boundaries. This could (but shouldn't be the reason to do it) give him some space and reflection to maybe understand why he let it happen and if missing it, try to enjoy himself. However, with what you've said above, it sounds like he needed to stop for a reason, and that could be one of the two mentioned at the beginning of this post.

I will add that if you decide to create boundaries, move on (as time usually does help this), you may find yourself being more open to look for this experience in someone else again.

Good luck!

 

[OKCLane]

Having a FWB is a very complex situation. Every time he comes over he's wondering if it's just for a visit or is there some sexual activity on your (or his) mind. It really unnecessarily complicates a relationship and muddies the water. I think you should take your friend at his word and move on to other men. It sounds like you've initiated the activity at each turn and sexuality is a complex issue.
I would suggest a counselor or sex therapist. While you grade yourself as 1% gay that number may be higher (just my opinion based on what you've done) than you would like to face, or are willing to face. Since "gay" still has a negative connotation perhaps LPSG should allow you to choose a certain percentage of bisexuality. Maybe they already do - I don't know.
I would you keep this friend as simply a friend and remove the sexual component from the equation. Spending time in counseling and doing some introspection are good ways to spend your time.
There are many stories like yours here on LPSG. Search around and read those stories and the many responses. Over the many years I've been a member of LPSG I've discovered that the men here offer a wealth of great advice, most learned the hard way through their own experiences. Good luck and feel free to send me a PM if you would like to continue this conversation.

 

[OctoGun]

To me it sounds like maybe you’re getting too attached, and he’s picking up on that vibe. So for that reason he’s pulling away and toning things down a little.

If you relax and stop pressuring him maybe he’ll open up again one day when he’s comfortable.

It’s uncommon to be so deeply attached to the idea of sex with a platonic friend - so to me that indicates that you have romantic feelings towards them. I think you should address why you’re feeling that way?
I think you’re pretending it’s just his body part that you like, but your post is all about his mind and rejection. Not his dick. So I think you’ve maybe crossed a boundary.

give yourself time to take a step back.

 

[Prem_lj]

How to suck your friend again? Wait until he lets you. Don't bring it up.

Based on what you wrote it doesn't sound like it will happen. It is just too gay for him. If you keep asking, he will stop talking to you because he will get tired of saying no.

Try and find another FWB relationship that you will enjoy. There are guys out there that are fun to be with and will let you suck them.

 

[Brodie888]

From what you've written, it sounds like you are both pretty normal guys on the bisexual scale.

For you, you only act on your homosexual side due to the bond you have with your friend. Essentially a form of love. For him, he feels the same but he doesn't want it to be as big a part of his life as you do.

Perhaps he feels like he is cheating on his girlfriend doing these things or perhaps he has conflicts with his sexual identity. ie he thinks of himself as straight and he wants it to stay that way. Perhaps he's into it but at a smaller percentage than you are.

There is definitely a sense that you are pushing it a lot on him and it's become the dominant feature of your friendship. He's pushing back because it's too much for him and you are likely to damage your relationship the more you force it.

In my opinion, I think you are in love with your friend. This has put the blinders on so you a fixated on him only. But he has already told you that he's not going to give you what you need. So eventually you will end up being devastated by this unrequited feelings unless you change your ways. A part of him wants what you want, but not to the amount that will satisfy you.

Some guys can have sex for fun, others have sex as an extension of their feelings. I think you should try to make friends with other bisexual or gay men. If that friendship grows, you may come to want more at that point with new people.

It doesn't mean that you can't fool around when he wants it. More that you can't rely on him as your only outlet for your homosexual expression.

 

[Brodie888]

If you imagine a good relationship as a tug of war except you win when both sides are pulling the rope equally and maintaining a stable balance. This applies to all aspects of the relationship.

This balance can be equally disrupted by one side pulling too hard or one side not pulling enough.

So keep this in mind. You have to listen to your friend and meet your friend where he is.

From the sounds of things, this isn't satisfying enough for you though. So the only solution is to find someone who's willing to put more in than your friend is willing to offer.

 

[8Cylinder]

My observation is that his eager agreement to watch you having sex was not only confirmation of his similar feelings, but his ultra-hard state and agreement to continue the jerk sessions revealed that he enjoys this with you. Your obsession with his dick is understandable, and that's not pushing him away, but the intensity of your feelings that several have observed go beyond the phallus phix he gives you. All those disclaimers on his part and yours speak loudly that there's sexual tension between you. He is threatened by the idea of "relationship" from your long-term friendship, and that fine line is fucking with his mind. Follow the very good advice all have given you here. If you want him to come to you, back away a bit. We men like to be the chasers and can be uncomfortable when chased outside of an equal mutual effort. You guys are aching to express the mutuality without restrictions, but social conditioning and expectations layered on top of your own feelings of insecurity add tension that spoils the moment. Guilt results. Let it happen organically, and treat is as an incidental when he comes to you. Talk about your last sex with the girl, and suggest you'd love to see him in action as the man he is with a hot woman.

 

[Jordan88]

Sounds like you're pushing hard and he's not ready...

On his perspective he might be thinking:
ok, so friend and I jacked off together... I guess that's ok
ok so now I let him suck me off
and If I keep let him suck me off, his hands will wander and then I get fingered
then he wants his dick in there
fuck that's gay... Can't do that shit. (maybe he was raised religious?)

As above, you're probably being too pushy for this liking.
If he let you suck him off multiple times, and has previously suggested it's ok to be ongoing, then that's probably where his line in the sand is, and is afraid to cross that. Stop bringing it up full stop, and wait until he initiates it. Maybe when he asks what you want for your birthday would be a good time to ask for this delicious lollipop you've been craving.