I dont want to meet up with my best friend

[PorknBeans19]

So my best friend lives abroad. He has since about 2017. He didn't come back for years due to covid and then came back for the first time last year in 2023. Last time would have been 2019. Last year he came back for 6 weeks and I met with him and had a decent time. Depression was hitting me hard around the same time so I tried to make the most out of the time he was back.

When he left to go back to his life abroad, I was pretty disappointed. Obviously I'd prefer if he was home, but I don't have a right to be angry with him about his life choices. I'm happy for him in the life he has with his career, relationship and everything else going on for him but it hit me pretty hard. He was supposed to come home this summer again, we had plans made but a few things happened and he couldn't make it back for a long duration. He's back for a single weekend for a family gathering and then heading back abroad again. Initially I thought we could go see a movie or something for a few hours and hang out, but my mind is going back to how I felt last year when he left again and the disappointment and depression that followed so I've told him I dont think we should meet up and he should just spend the weekend with his family. He talked to me about it and he said he understands how I'm feeling but is also kind of upset at me for feeling this way. He said he'd prefer to see me but if I don't want to meet up, he won't visit.

Am I wrong for feeling how I'm feeling? I'm feeling pretty confused about the situation and don't want to slip back into the same level of depression and disappoint I went through last summer.

 

[Mystiq]

Moving abroad is emotional challenge for your friend. Especially the first year, there is no room for error in his mind. When you move abroad family becomes priority. It’s now the only constant thing in his life, like an anchor. If something happens he has place to go back to. On top of it Covid, being abroad locked down with no friends is nightmare.

If you expect him to be with you or hug you when you are down it won’t happen. You need someone’s living closer for that support. You can’t expect same level of engagement anymore.

If he was really important to you, if you want long distance friendship to work, you have to force a bit of schedule.. If he follows it through it means he also wants it to work. If he doesn’t then not much to be done

Start with monthly WhatsApp. Discuss maybe u going to visit him. Or maybe u go on holidays together.

 

[Kanashi]

i understand where you're coming from. my depression causes me to isolate myself and pull away from me friends. they've told many times that they know this is how i deal with things but at the same it's very hurtful to them. i see it as both sides are justified with feeling the way they do. we can't really expect them to be okay with not being able to see us. they really do love us and want to socialize with us.

 

[Mackiefondo]

I am sorry to read about your situation, but it must be hard on the other person as well. The question is how much did this person mean to you? Did you have a relationship with this person? It is understandable that if you had, as to how you are feeling now. It seems that your friend has moved on and it would be advisable for you to do the same thing. He would still like to meet up with you as he understands how you are feeling, I would suggest that you give him the opportunity to at least have a conversation that may do both of you good to clear the air.

 

[mancunianboi]

So my best friend lives abroad. He has since about 2017. He didn't come back for years due to covid and then came back for the first time last year in 2023. Last time would have been 2019. Last year he came back for 6 weeks and I met with him and had a decent time. Depression was hitting me hard around the same time so I tried to make the most out of the time he was back.

When he left to go back to his life abroad, I was pretty disappointed. Obviously I'd prefer if he was home, but I don't have a right to be angry with him about his life choices. I'm happy for him in the life he has with his career, relationship and everything else going on for him but it hit me pretty hard. He was supposed to come home this summer again, we had plans made but a few things happened and he couldn't make it back for a long duration. He's back for a single weekend for a family gathering and then heading back abroad again. Initially I thought we could go see a movie or something for a few hours and hang out, but my mind is going back to how I felt last year when he left again and the disappointment and depression that followed so I've told him I dont think we should meet up and he should just spend the weekend with his family. He talked to me about it and he said he understands how I'm feeling but is also kind of upset at me for feeling this way. He said he'd prefer to see me but if I don't want to meet up, he won't visit.

Am I wrong for feeling how I'm feeling? I'm feeling pretty confused about the situation and don't want to slip back into the same level of depression and disappoint I went through last summer.

Totally selfish you should be happy for your friend. He’s your friend and it’s not fair you’re putting all this emotional baggage on him. You need to learn not to rely on others so much - you can’t clip his wings and selfishly wish he’d stay here. It’s not nice. Be happy for your friend and support him.

 

[Oldcowboy]

Get some help—-might be a chemical imbalance ——but depression is not static—-climb up or spiral down