I think my married friend is hitting on me. What do I do?

[Sideguy87]

Hey there guys. First time posting here. To be honest, I actually joined this forum because of this topic. I've been having some "interesting" interactions with a friend of mine recently (let's call him M) and I was wondering if I could get an outside perspective.

So M and I connected via Instagram after we were supposed to work together on a project that didn't end up happening (we're both film guys). And though we don't live in the same state, M would hit me up every couple months to say "hi." He seemed nice enough, but early in 2024, we started talking a little more frequently. It was then that he casually dropped that he's bi. I'd sort of made a vague reference or two to being gay before this, but it was the first time we had ever discussed sexuality in any way. Truth be told, it was a nice, honest conversation.

Now, after that, we seemed to connect a bit more. I'll admit, there was a bit of a spark, but M is married so I obviously don't want to push things. He did seem to loosen up around me, though, talking a bit more frequently about his history with men. When we finally talked on the phone, he mentioned how I had a "gorgeous" speaking voice, has complimented me a lot and even wrote me a poem when I was feeling crappy.

I feel like there's something there, but I don't want to be scummy and pursue a married man. I also don't want to read into something that's not there, if maybe this supposed attraction is all in my head. On the off chance he "is" hitting on me, what do I do? I have no idea how to approach the topic of his relationship with his wife because every time we "start" to go down that road, it's always coy hints. We never fully get there.

I don't know. It's all so confusing. What do you guys think? Has anyone been through anything similar?

 

[Rooker]

Whenever a married woman flirts with me or gives me any reason to think they are pursuing something sexual/romantic, I bring up their husband. It is easy to steer the conversation in that direction. They either double down or know that I’m on to them and back off.

If you don’t want to get involved with him because he is married, then don’t. Laugh off his hints, or if he makes it obvious, respond with “Yeah, well you’re married” or “How are things with your wife”

 

[Sideguy87]

I mean, if I didn't have feelings, it would be easy. I "have" actually brought up his wife during some of these conversations, but then they proceed as normal. Does sort of "seem" like they might have an arrangement, but I don't know.

Really appreciate the insight!

 

[dreamer20]

M and I (film guys) connected via Instagram. We're not in the same state. He's bi. M is married so I don't want to push things. On the phone he said I had a gorgeous speaking voice. He's complimented me++ and wrote me a poem when I felt crappy.* I have no idea how to approach the topic of his relationship with his wife*

He hasn't hit on you, but you're attracted to him. IYO making a play for married M would be scummy. So just continue being his Platonic single friend. Hopefully you might be able to see each other socially and/or professionally one day. Having contacts in the film industry can work to your advantage

 

[notthatguy]

My rule is absolutely simple. I will never have sex with a friend’s partner or former partner.

Makes life much simpler and nor risking any friendships.

 

[Intellectualmeat]

I mean, if I didn't have feelings, it would be easy. I "have" actually brought up his wife during some of these conversations, but then they proceed as normal. Does sort of "seem" like they might have an arrangement, but I don't know.

Really appreciate the insight!

Why is have written as “have”? Did you bring up his wife or not? Ask your questions directly so you can decide if you want to get involved with a married man or not.

 

[Peteyjd2000]

Hey there guys. First time posting here. To be honest, I actually joined this forum because of this topic. I've been having some "interesting" interactions with a friend of mine recently (let's call him M) and I was wondering if I could get an outside perspective.

So M and I connected via Instagram after we were supposed to work together on a project that didn't end up happening (we're both film guys). And though we don't live in the same state, M would hit me up every couple months to say "hi." He seemed nice enough, but early in 2024, we started talking a little more frequently. It was then that he casually dropped that he's bi. I'd sort of made a vague reference or two to being gay before this, but it was the first time we had ever discussed sexuality in any way. Truth be told, it was a nice, honest conversation.

Now, after that, we seemed to connect a bit more. I'll admit, there was a bit of a spark, but M is married so I obviously don't want to push things. He did seem to loosen up around me, though, talking a bit more frequently about his history with men. When we finally talked on the phone, he mentioned how I had a "gorgeous" speaking voice, has complimented me a lot and even wrote me a poem when I was feeling crappy.

I feel like there's something there, but I don't want to be scummy and pursue a married man. I also don't want to read into something that's not there, if maybe this supposed attraction is all in my head. On the off chance he "is" hitting on me, what do I do? I have no idea how to approach the topic of his relationship with his wife because every time we "start" to go down that road, it's always coy hints. We never fully get there.

I don't know. It's all so confusing. What do you guys think? Has anyone been through anything similar?

As an old queen speaking from experience straight guys, or married guys who claim to be bi, want one thing: a blowjob. The ladies don’t go down on it. I’ve blow so many straight guys I’ve lost count.

 

[bay333]

Definitely not!

 

[Sideguy87]

Hey guys, really appreciate all the thoughts. I've decided to back off of this guy. There was a lot of chemistry, but it just doesn't seem worth it. Unless something happens and I get a clear answer about what his deal is, I think it's best to keep our relationship professional.

Thanks again for the second (and third and fourth, etc) opinions.

 

[bravesoldier]

I have an experience similar to this going on with a guy I went to school with, one I really didn't know back then because of the age difference. We ran into each other recently and I recognized him. I approached him that day, we talked and genuinely hit it off right away. That very day he invited me to come to his place and the other day (about four months later) I traveled to where he lives. He's a warm, gentle guy and very cute. So, I start getting what seems to be hints and vibes often during my visit that day. He's very hands on/hugs and seemingly affectionate by nature. Very appealing guy to say the least. The other day during a very casual conversation he abruptly changed the subject and pointedly asked me what I knew about him in school. Right away, because of my speculation of his sexuality I felt he was trying to open the door to tell me he was actively gay back then, even though he is currently married to a woman. Just a bit later, again out of the blue, he asked me if I could "do things I could when I was 30." Mind you, both of us are 60-ish.. Once again, I quickly thought he was trying to head in the direction of sex and being gay and I definitely confirmed that I could do things I could at age 30. If he is gay (which I do believe) I think he's like me, he won't come right out with it because he's afraid of being wrong and doesn't want to offend me.

Any comments welcome. I find myself almost obsessing over him since our last meet because the overall connection we have is overwhelming.

 

[Capers]

You will never get a clear answer if you never ask a clear question

 

[bravesoldier]

You will never get a clear answer if you never ask a clear question

True.

 

[killerb]

I've been hit on by a few married men...I don't entertain them...I usually pretend that I don't get the hints.

 

[BlackBearCognac]

or married guys who claim to be bi, want one thing: a blowjob.

It's exactly this.

They're not going to blow up their marriage for you.

At best they want a guy friend who occasionally enjoys sucking cock.

 

[rubituesday]

If you respect this simmple rule it always saves you from trouble in every sexual situation, intentionally or unintentionally: "No" means no and "Yes" also means no. I understand that this is sometimes very difficult, but that's nothing compared to the difficulties you can get into. A relationship with a bisexual man is nearly a classic conflict. You can only have him if you don't hold on to him and then only on his terms, as he can always be committed to someone else or be polyamorous. So in order not to suffer, you would have to curb your desire as if there were no desire, which means being in a relationship that dissolves in equal measure. The whole thing made absolutely no sense, unless you are head over heels in love. If not, the advice to others not to see it as more than a friendship is the best, I would say. In any case, a good friendship is often a much greater benefit than an affair that doesn't last long and only wears you down.

 

[Sideguy87]

If you respect this simmple rule it always saves you from trouble in every sexual situation, intentionally or unintentionally: "No" means no and "Yes" also means no. I understand that this is sometimes very difficult, but that's nothing compared to the difficulties you can get into. A relationship with a bisexual man is nearly a classic conflict. You can only have him if you don't hold on to him and then only on his terms, as he can always be committed to someone else or be polyamorous. So in order not to suffer, you would have to curb your desire as if there were no desire, which means being in a relationship that dissolves in equal measure. The whole thing made absolutely no sense, unless you are head over heels in love. If not, the advice to others not to see it as more than a friendship is the best, I would say. In any case, a good friendship is often a much greater benefit than an affair that doesn't last long and only wears you down.

Yeah, that's basically what I've decided, try to keep it as a friendship. Sucks that there's chemistry there, but you're right. That sort of drama on heartache on all sides is not worth it.

 

[Qurious24]

He hasn't hit on you, but you're attracted to him. IYO making a play for married M would be scummy. So just continue being his Platonic single friend. Hopefully you might be able to see each other socially and/or professionally one day. Having contacts in the film industry can work to your I'

He hasn't hit on you, but you're attracted to him. IYO making a play for married M would be scummy. So just continue being his Platonic single friend. Hopefully you might be able to see each other socially and/or professionally one day. Having contacts in the film industry can work to your advantage

I agree

 

[Qurious24]

I have an experience similar to this going on with a guy I went to school with, one I really didn't know back then because of the age difference. We ran into each other recently and I recognized him. I approached him that day, we talked and genuinely hit it off right away. That very day he invited me to come to his place and the other day (about four months later) I traveled to where he lives. He's a warm, gentle guy and very cute. So, I start getting what seems to be hints and vibes often during my visit that day. He's very hands on/hugs and seemingly affectionate by nature. Very appealing guy to say the least. The other day during a very casual conversation he abruptly changed the subject and pointedly asked me what I knew about him in school. Right away, because of my speculation of his sexuality I felt he was trying to open the door to tell me he was actively gay back then, even though he is currently married to a woman. Just a bit later, again out of the blue, he asked me if I could "do things I could when I was 30." Mind you, both of us are 60-ish.. Once again, I quickly thought he was trying to head in the direction of sex and being gay and I definitely confirmed that I could do things I could at age 30. If he is gay (which I do believe) I think he's like me, he won't come right out with it because he's afraid of being wrong and doesn't want to offend me.

Any comments welcome. I find myself almost obsessing over him since our last meet because the overall connection we have is overwhelming.

Ask him what sorta things he is referring to.